Wednesday, June 19, 2024
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Joshua Govender

Married Life

I recently got married and to be honest the reality of my change in situation hasn’t really hit me yet. For example I still sometimes get up in a little bit of shock wondering who’s this person in the bed with me, but despite this the transition to being married actually feels normal.

I was waiting for this massive realisation or a big ‘ah-ha’ moment but it feels like my wife and I are still dating. In some ways very little has changed. Even though sometimes I feel like I discover new things about her everyday especially seeing that we now are living together on the whole most things still feel exactly the same.

Having said that, one thing I have realised is I have to be stronger than when we were just dating. I feel a sense of responsibility for my wife. I want to make sure that she is okay and that our home is good.  I’m trying to get used to the fact that I actually have to grow up and take more responsibility now and even though I know I won’t get it right all the time, it’s comforting to know that I will always have a wife that supports and believes in me.

This new season I know will bring its challenges but I know that as much as the challenges may sometimes feel impossible this journey is going to be filled with adventure and fun. A new season, a wonderful wife and God’s plan for our life together.

It’s still early days for me when it comes to being married but here are a few things that I’ve already discovered that are good to keep in mind.

Enjoy the journey

Often we get so caught up in the big day and everything leading up to the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an exciting time but when your big day comes it happens so fast and it’s just one day. Your marriage is for the rest of your life.  Take time to enjoy the day-to-day.  Cherish the little things and the time you are spending together.

Remember you are fighting for each other and not with each other.

Sometimes when we are in a relationship or married, it’s easy to think that when you argue you are fighting against each other. When this happens it’s good to take a step back and realise that you should be fighting FOR each other.  You are a team and ultimately on the same side in every battle.  Find a way, that regardless of the argument, your relationship wins! Being the victor at the expense of your spouse isn’t going to make either of you happier.

Continually thank God.

Finding someone who you want to spend your life with and who wants to spend their life with you is a tremendous gift! Don’t take your relationship or the commitment you have made to each other for granted.  Be grateful and thank God for the fact that He has brought the two of you together and the bible say that what God has joined together, no man should tear apart.

Keeping calm when planning for a big event


I currently in possibly one of the most biggest seasons of my life so far. It’s big because I’m trying to plan a wedding, keep focussed at work and still manage my other responsibilities as well.  You would think I would find this stressful, but to be honest I don’t even feel nervous.

I was recently asked a question about the “big day.”  Someone asked if I was nervous or stressed because it’s literally only a few days away and to be honest I actually feel rested and at ease about the wedding.

For a moment I did ask myself if I should be nervous because it’s a big event in anyone’s life. Then I started thinking if I should start stressing about things but the truth is that I can’t help but feel at peace about the wedding. Although I do know there are a few things leading up to the big day that I need to sort out, for the most part I’m really not worried about much.

Here are a few ways that have helped me balance this season plus planning a massive wedding all at the same time:

1. Plan ahead

You here this all the time and probably don’t really take it in but for my fiance and I, we started planning as soon as we got engaged. We realised that our lives are too full to leave everything until last-minute. We did as much as we could do with the time we had.

There are however two sides to this. Starting to plan straight away can mean that the first few months of your engagement will be the most stressful part of your relationship. On the other hand when you reach the end of your engagement and the countdown to your wedding starts you can literally sit back and watch it all come together relatively stress free. Even if there are still a few things to sort out, it will a whole lot less stressful.

2. Devote time.

One thing that helped me is that I set aside entire days to focus on one area.  For example, if I said Monday is wedding day then everything that needs to get done for the wedding will happen on that day and I would plan it in such a way that I wouldn’t need to go back to it until my next ‘wedding day’.

This doesn’t mean you can’t check up throughout the week but having dedicated days helps you to focus on one thing and make it strong instead of balancing multiple things and missing important details.

3. Plan to take rests

Sleep and rest are important. I found myself becoming very angry and tired all the time because I wasn’t resting at all. It wasn’t until I started sleeping more hours at night and started going home early instead of going out that my productivity level began to change. I suddenly found myself more productive in a day.

I hope this helped you.

God Speed

J. Cole


J. Cole is probably one of the most misunderstood artist at the moment, but he’s also one of the greatest lyricists I have ever heard. He’s changing the game and fighting against the normal rap trends. J. Cole’s work never disappoints and lives up to the reputation that he has created for himself

His latest album “4 your eyes only” went double platinum and unlike other projects this one didn’t feature any guest collaborations. If that isn’t the sign of a great artist then I don’t know what is?

Others may have done that before him but the way the rap game is going, if you’re not featuring someone on your album, you’re a little unusual.

His eight minutes and 51 seconds title track is possibly one of the most authentic title tracks I have heard in a long time. Without a doubt, J. Cole has done a good job on this album. The flow of the project feels like you are reading a story but with much more reality.

J. Cole may not be liked by most of the famous rappers at the moment but he is respected and it because he’s produced albums that tell his story without trying to be anyone else. Real raw talent.

Despite all the controversy between J. Cole and Kanye I still have mad respect for J. Cole (even though I’m a diehard Kanye fan) and I will always listen to his albums.

Sometimes it’s great to listen to artists that aren’t part of the trend but are still killing it in the music game. Even though J.Cole is very well-known he still isn’t seen as the most talked about rapper.  Sometimes it feels great to listen to music with no drama, no other agenda besides making great music. Even though J.Cole does call most of the well-known rappers out, he loves music and this is shown in his latest album. Go give it a listen.

4 your eyes only.

God Speed.

Black Friday – We’re still recovering


Recently we had our Black Friday sale in the store, it wasn’t just us promoting it, the entire mall actually observed Black Friday. At first, I thought it was an amazing idea, I mean it would bring an enormous amount of feet in the store. We would make a crazy amount of sales. Why would it be bad?

Until I saw the mall on Black Friday I didn’t realise how chaotic it can get. Yes, our store was busy. The entire mall was literally full. You couldn’t even walk without someone on top of you or rushing past to get to the next Black Friday sale. It’s was such a huge day that we are still struggling to recover weeks later.

One of our local grocery stores actually had to close their doors and let only a certain amount of people in at a time. It was that hectic.

When I took a break I began to think about Black Friday and if it’s really worth the buzz or not? Do people actually get that great of a deal? I mean either way they are spending money and for some, it is money they don’t have.

In our store alone people would come and spend thousands just because of Black Friday.  Even though they were getting a pretty sweet deal on our stock, it still doesn’t discount the fact that they are spending large sums of money.

I got chatting with one of my friends and we began to discuss how people may go crazy over Black Friday. It has to be said though that when people are spending their rent money on items they don’t actually need right, regardless of the price they are paying it’s ultimately false economy.

This year was my first black Friday experience, I know it won’t be my last. All I know is that it has both positives and negatives going for it and it takes a lot of wisdom to know when you’re really getting a great deal or just spending because you can.

God Speed.

Stages of life.


This is something I’m struggling with in this season. I’m finding it more and more hard to settle into my new season. A season of having a wife with responsibilities and understanding that I can’t just do whatever I want.

Most of my life I’ve done my own thing, without boundaries or boarders, the only person I had to worry about in the end was me, a little selfish I know but that was before I was saved and actually had a purpose in life.

Now I’m getting married in a month and the transition between fending for myself to fighting for myself plus someone else is honestly the hardest thing, don’t get me wrong I want to fight for my fiance and I will always fend for her but as a guy I think one of the hardest things is to give up your independency even though I know I’m moving into a season which is bigger and better.

I think as men we don’t fear much but one thing I know we do fear is the fear of not being able to do whatever we want whenever we want. Maybe its just me but I’m finding it hard to adjust, now I’m not saying I won’t adjust but in this transition period it’s definitely a testing season.

A few things to remember in this season, don’t forget that it’s just a season. Often we think that we have to give up everything but I was reminded that it’s just a season were my fiance is the priority and everything else is secondary.

Schedule time for yourself, make sure you do have a day to yourself or a few hours just to break away for a bit just to gain perspective or try to clear your head. Often when in a transition period some how it gets busier and busier, make sure you do something that makes you happy.

Lastly never forget your partner, it’s often hard as a guy to remember everything but do little things that remind your girlfriend or fiance that she is the only thing you care about in this season. That she is the priority. Sometimes just being there is enough.

Don’t ever feel like your stage in life is forever, everything happened in seasons and it’s not forever.

God Speed.

Church ain’t for you.


The other day I had a conversation with a young lady, I forget how the conversation started but we began to chat about what we do for work. I began to tell her a little about what I do but as most conversations go, I mentioned that I also help our young adults ministry in my local church.

Immediately her face went from being happy to this awkward half-smile. I didn’t know whether to burst out laughing or ask her if she’s okay, never the less I continued talking about how much I love people and threw in a bit of my story too.

After I finished she laughed a little and said that I don’t look like a Christian let alone a young adults leader. I always find it interesting that people think Christians should look a certain way.

She began to talk about how she always thought that leader or pastors in the church should be old people who are religious and tell you what to do.

At this point I started getting a little irritated, not with her, I was getting irritated with our culture. Everything Jesus did went against the cultural norm of his day. Yet still today we choose to be religious towards people.

Now I may have been acting out of frustration but when she finished talking I told her “Please don’t associate me with the Christians you know if that’s the perception you have of Christians.” Then I smiled and said, “ I’m just someone who loves God and loves people and God loves you.”

Now don’t know if I changed that girl’s mindset about Christians but what I do know is that Christianity and church isn’t for you if all you do is tell people how they should be instead of loving them wherever they are at.

Sometimes you just gotta smile and tell someone that they are loved.

God Speed.

This is for everyone.


In a world where culture determines your feelings towards religion, lifestyle, what to wear and how to speak, it’s often hard to see the good from the bad. We live in a society where what was seen as bad is now acceptable and what was not accepted is now tolerated.

I meet people all the time that would tell me that they hate God because of something someone has done or because of the way they were brought up.

It hit me that the common denominator isn’t God but the common denominator is actually people. We get so caught up and hurt by other people. We allow others to blur our relationship with a God that actually doesn’t care about how we look or how rich we are but will always care about you and your heart.

People aren’t against God they are against those that misrepresent God. Those who cast out the outsiders when all God did was love outsiders.

I guess this is a more of a message for those who feel like they are on the outside, it doesn’t matter how you look, doesn’t matter how talented you are or what you have, God is an inclusive God, not an exclusive god.

God Speed

Reach beyond average


I love people but sometimes I struggle to understand why some people set their expectations so low. It’s as though they are okay with average. As though they have given up and decide that an average job living and an average life is acceptable.

I was reminded about this the other day when chatting to a friend. He mentioned how he feel like he’s hit a dead-end in life and that he’s okay with his job and life because it’s paying the bills.

It was hard to hear at first because he has so much talent and ability. Many conversation we have end with me telling him he needs to open his own business.

I started thinking about how often we can just settle for less than we should. There is nothing wrong with wanting security and being comfortable but sometimes we choose to settle because we think we either don’t deserve the best or are too scared to take a leap of faith.

Don’t get stuck being mediocre because of a wrong mindset. Always push for the things you want to achieve because not only do you deserve the chance to succeed but the bible tells us that good planning and hard work lead to prosperity and success.

Don’t let the world we live in dictate the outcome of your life, always push for something better and never settle fo second best.

God Speed.

Chance the rapper – Official debut album


This is probably some of the most confusing news I’ve ever heard but once looking into it I have finally realised what the young rapper means by dropping his ‘first official album’.  For a long time, I thought his past releases were his official albums but as Chance states in a BBC interview, his past releases were just mixtapes and not official albums. When I read that my mind was blown because his latest releases are some of the best stuff I’ve heard in a long while.

While speaking about this project Chance says that he wanted to release an album that comes with the full package. In other words not just an album but a tour as well.  Apparently this doesn’t mean there has to be a something physical like a CD but he just wants an album of music that he can perform for his fans and they can sing along to. I can respect an artist like Chance the rapper. Although he may say weird things and confuse us sometimes, something like this just makes sense. He not wanting to release a debut album for himself or out of arrogance but he releasing it for his fans.

Considering that Chance looks to Kanye West as a mentor it really should come as no surprise that some of his methods are unorthodox. It’s safe to assume that there are bound to be some more surprises still to come in his career.

God Speed.

N.W.A – History made


I recently watched the movie ‘Straight out of Compton’  and it brought back so many memories. Not that I was alive when N.W.A started or even Ruthless records but for as long as I can remember every significant moment in my life had an N.W.A soundtrack.

Watching the movie was inspiring. Just a bunch of friends who had a dream to make it big and eventually got their major breakthrough.

Sometimes I feel, especially in the music industry, some people give up on their dreams because there is no immediate reward but what set the greats apart from lesser artists is their consistent commitment to their passion.

It has to be said that at times N.W.A’s lyrics are a bit vulgar and brutally honest but behind them is a message. There is always a story and behind the story, there are a group of guys trying to make a difference.

N.W.A have inspired me, not only in their personal style but also to make a difference. Their methods may have been what society needed at that time and would definitely not go down well in this decade but their passion for seeing a difference and their love for music spoke loudly.

Some are reading this and may not even know who they are or even like hip hop music but you can learn from everything in life even if it’s something out of your comfort zone.

Their passion was stirred even more by the Death of Eazy-E, one of their founders. It was inspiring how through a friends struggle they managed to pull together and come out with some of the world’s greatest hip-hop songs every.

Always be inspired.

God Speed.

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