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Cassan Ferguson

YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US

Cassan Ferguson
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YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US

Have you ever felt like an outsider? Have you ever encountered groupings of people that seem very cliquey and not very inclusive at all? Maybe you feel that no matter how hard you try to fit into a group, wether it be at work, or social friendship circles, you just can’t crack into their cozy little group.

Cape Town has been known by visitors to be a bit cliquey and inclusive. It may be a general statement, but quite a few visitors that are new to Cape Town tend to feel this way. There are some that are aware of inviting others along, and they make others feel apart of everything, which is amazing! However, there are some that may note the new person but still could not care less about including them within their group. Now, I completely get that we tend to gravitate towards those we get on with, but what if we took note of the new person and invited them to join in on whatever it is we are doing? Maybe we would discover a potential new friendship that would add to our world. We would never know, unless we became open to the idea of always being inclusive with others.

WHY SHOULD WE BE MORE INCLUSIVE?

  1. It makes others feel accepted – Just by inviting someone to join in on whatever it is you are doing, it makes others feel accepted and a part of what you are doing. When others feel included, it makes them feel like someone has taken note of them and values them and their time!
  2. It will grow you in character – Stepping out of your comfort zone, and inviting someone completely new to join your world and circle of friends will grow you in character. Getting to know someone new isn’t always easy or comfortable for some, you have to go out of your way in getting to know them. Which in turn, will grow you in character as you will become more intentional when concerning others.

If you notice somebody that may seem like they’re a bit of an outsider or maybe they are a new person, why not step out of your comfort zone and make them feel part of your world. You never know, it could be the next best potential friendship that awaits you!

 

THE SERIAL DATER

Cassan Ferguson
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THE SERIAL DATER

The serial dater is always lurking about, waiting to pounce and whisk the next innocent victim off their feet into a fleeting fly by night kind of romance.

Have you ever dated a serial dater? You know someone who upgrades their partners every 3 months? Or maybe you are guilty of being a serial dater, and you find yourself changing partners every few months.

In my single to mingle days, I remember being a “let’s kiss a few frogs, before I find my true prince!”kinda girl! This phase was NOT a pleasant phase as I was trying to fill a void, and I was trying to find affirmation through male attention. It felt as though I was giving parts of my heart away to men that did not truly take my breath away! Girls aren’t the only ones who fall prey to this behavior , I have seen many men do the exact same thing. Their relationship status updates on Facebook literally change every few months, that it’s hard to keep up with them and their dating escapades!

The question we should be asking : “Why is there the need to date non stop, and upgrade partners every few months?” I think with posing a question like this, it may cause people to reflect on what their motives are behind their serial dating behavior. The answers may look completely different for those who struggle with this.

I know for me, when I used to struggle with this, I had to face the following issues :

1. THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE – Back in those days, the thought of being alone or forgotten used to cause such major anxiety within me! It may sound silly, but I feared the thought of being alone, therefore I would date men as a means of distracting me from that fear.

THE TRUTH – The fear of being alone is a normal fear to experience, however this fear of being alone should not control our behavior and cause us to feel secure and free from loneliness by dating who ever, when ever, just because. We should not fear being alone, we should be comfortable and confident with who we are, no matter the season.

2. NEEDING AFFIRMATION FROM PARTNERS – One of my main love languages is Affirmation. So I love it when I am encouraged by others, it makes me feel like a million bucks. However, the danger in those days lied within the thoughts of needing it to make me feel secure. I loved knowing that someone out there found me attractive, that someone out there adored me. Therefore I would chase after those moments, but the truth was, those moments never truly filled a void that was weighing in my heart.

THE TRUTH – We can’t rely solely on people to make us feel great about ourselves. Receiving encouragement, should be something that we enjoy and take to heart, but we should not rely on the praise of others to fuel our confidence.

3. NOT RESPECTING YOURSELF OR OTHERS – I came to realize once I went on a journey of wanting to overcome this flawed area in my life, that I did not respect the opposite sex, because I did not respect myself. I treated men as objects that did not have feelings, because I had encountered men who treated me that way. As the saying goes ” Hurt people , hurt others”.

THE TRUTH – When I truly experienced the unconditional love that came from God. I started understanding how much value and worth He placed on my life, and on the life of others. It motivated my heart to want to treat others in a respectful way that created a sense of value and self worth in others, which meant I had to understand that I was a person of worth and value. The healing that I experienced in my own life, allowed me to face and overcome those dark insecurities that I struggled with in my early twenties.

I love this verse in the bible:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18 

THE TRUTH – The truth is when we experience Gods perfect love, it banishes all fear from us. When we experience Gods unconditional love, we understand that we are worthy of love, we find acceptance from Him, and we become whole in Him. We soon realize that God has the best plans for us especially when concerning a significant other. If you are wanting to know more on how to experience the love of God that will set you free from this, then may I encourage you to click on the link below.

ARE YOU SPEAKING THEIR LANGUAGE?

Cassan Ferguson
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ARE YOU SPEAKING THEIR LANGUAGE?

I am only two years into this parenting gig, and so far it has turned me into a charade guessing expert! No but really! From the moment my son was born, I felt like I was constantly guessing what he was “trying” to tell me through his different cries! Most times I failed at guessing, and I would resort to desperately trying to fix it by doing everything until he stopped crying!

Then before he could speak, he became frustrated with us because we did not understand what he was trying to say through his babbling and mumbling of words. Then as the year went by, he became a confident little speaker, and now he strings his sentences together so nicely. However, there are days where it feels as though he is playing emotional charades with us and we are left trying to guess all over again what is really going on in his little heart and mind.

ARE WE SPEAKING THEIR LANGUAGE?

Sometimes we speak to our children in a way that they don’t understand, because truth be told they interpret things differently. Every child understands and responds to different ways of communicating that is different from the next. Therefore it’s important to get to know our children, by understanding their personalities and then trying different ways of communicating with them until we find a way that works for them.

Every child has a love language that speaks of love directly to their little hearts. As our children grow, it’s vital that we look out for their love languages and find ways to speak their love language directly to them.

UNDERSTANDING CHILDREN’S LOVE LANGUAGES

Try to spot your child’s love language and think of ways in which you can  incorporate them into your day to day with them:

1) TOUCH – They love hugs, kisses, cuddles, high fives, and love to be carried. Think of ways where you can allow for lots of hugs, tickles, and maybe try reading stories together whilst they sit in your lap.

2) QUALITY TIME – Loves to do things with you, they love being outdoors with you and going for walks together or maybe they want to sit next to you and eat supper with you. Be more inclusive when going about your week, take them with you on fun outings to the running or errands. Whatever it is, they just want to be with you, take it as a compliment!

3) GIFTS – They enjoy special surprises, and love unexpected gifts, to favorite treats or having their favorite meal made just for them! It’s not so much the material gift, but more about the thought behind  the gift. It says to them; “Hey, I was thinking of you, because you are so very special to me!”

 4) SERVICE – They love it when others help them to do things, or when others do nice things for them. It could mean helping them with the chores, to helping them finishing off of a project. Maybe you could be more intentional about working on a sporting activity with them in the evenings, or help them with homework, or help them to finish off an art project.

5) WORDS – They love affirmation, and encouragement! Be specific when praising them, if they painted a picture, be sure to tell them what a beautiful picture they drew and make note of the details! Encourage them in front of others, and compliment them sincerely, and watch them beam with pride and joy!

Be on the look out for some of these particular love languages for your child, and think of little ways in which you can speak of love directly to them in a way that speaks so loudly of love to them!

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

Cassan Ferguson
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OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

It’s almost time to dust off 2015, and say goodbye to the year that was and welcome 2016! The last few days leading up to New Years eve always brings with it a nostalgic reflection on the year that was! For some 2015 may have been the most challenging year, filled with disappointments, heart breaks, poor health and stress! Where as for some, maybe it was a year filled with new exciting chapters, from engagements, to new babies being born, to wedding celebrations through to job promotions!

As I reflect on the year that was, I can’t help but think to myself “what would I do differently in the new year?” I don’t go nuts and create unrealistic goals and New Years resolutions, as I never keep them! Instead I look at character refining, and I look at ways to grow myself in character by being aware of my weak areas, to the exploring and nurturing of my creative side.

REFLECT

When reflecting on the year that was, it is always great to acknowledge what the year maybe taught you. It’s also good to maybe note if you have grown in the way you maybe handled the year. Did you face the year with courage, did you stretch and grow in character, or did it completely steal from you and did it leave you feeling completely depleted ? It’s good to reflect and look back on the year, as it helps for future planning and adjusting for the following year. As it would be complete madness to repeat a similar year by behaving in similar way year after year. There is no growth in that, and there is no wisdom in that.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?

When you think about 2016, what and how would you do things differently? What would you do that would encourage you to grow more? Maybe you need to try something new. Maybe you need to finally explore something that you have always been interested in – like taking up a hobby or studying something part time. Maybe you need to adjust your schedules so that it caters for things that you are wanting to invest in and grow in. For me, I know I need to schedule in specific creative writing time within my week, so that I am intentional about growing that passion. When you think of 2016 , and all the possibilities that lay ahead, what would you do differently that would encourage growth and inspire change?

 VISION

There is nothing wrong with having New Years resolutions, they are like mini goals and mini goals become a motivating force that drives us towards our goals. Once you know what it is you are hoping for, or wanting to grow in, then write it down, and tell a friend that can help cheer you on to achieving your goals! Without a sense of vision, we move around aimlessly without passion, and without purpose. Therefore, find your vision, create your goals, and then make decisions that lead to a driven purposeful year!

Here’s to amazing New Year filled with new possibilities, filled with new hope, filled with new adventures! 2016 awaits, embrace it with arms wide open, step into it with expectation and dream like never before!

A NOT SO MERRY CHRISTMAS

Cassan Ferguson
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A NOT SO MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Christmas season is normally a holiday season for us here in South Africa. It’s Summer, and everyone for the most part takes leave and enjoys some much needed family time! Braai’s, beach days, lunches with an ocean view, lazy days always sums up the festive season for me. However, for others The Christmas season is a season filled with loneliness, a feeling of emptiness, a season that others dread!

For some this holiday may remind them of loved ones who are no longer with them, it may make them feel lonely, it may remind them of the brokenness that they carry with them. It’s time where many reflect on the year that was, and for some it’s hard to feel hopeful for what’s to come in 2016.

For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will look for Me and find Me, when you look for Me with all your heart. 
Jeremiah 29:11-13

Three things we can take to heart from that scripture:

1 ) HIS PLANS FOR US – Gods plans for us are always for our good, and are always in line with His perfect will for our lives. We do not always have control over certain events that take place that may seem unfortunate, unfair, and sometimes we will never understand it and it may even frustrate us! However, what I do know is that no matter what we are faced with, we can do all things with Him at our side! We can look towards our future with Hope, and with Faith that amazing things lie before us!

2) CALL ON HIM – Do you ever feel so helpless and at a loss, that all you can do is just cry out to God in desperation? I think that is the best place to be , as it causes us to look to God and to solely rely on Him to help us through a trying season. When we call out to Him with everything that we have, it places our focus on Him, and places our trust in Him, and then it causes us to wait on Him.

3) WE WILL FIND HIM – I love at the end of the scripture it says ; “ You will look for me, and find me, when you look for me with ALL your heart!” I love that, because it is so true! When are so desperate for Him, and we only want to hear from Him, and know His will over our situation, God will reveal it to us. He won’t hide himself from us, he won’t drop us , he won’t offer parts of himself to us when he feels like it. He loves us, and he wants the best for us , therefore He will ALWAYS respond to us. He will ALWAYS reveal His goodness and faithfulness to us!

Let’s keep an eye out for those that may need someone to stand by their side during this festive season. Think of small ways to include others during this time, especially those that you may think might need some loving! If this post spoke to you and would like to know about being in a relationship with God, then may I encourage you to click on the link below.

THE ANCHOR

Cassan Ferguson
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THE ANCHOR

You feel out of your depth once more, you feel defeated, overwhelmed, depleted , you’re not sure if you have anything left inside of you to hold you upright, to hold you all together! Everything feels like it’s falling apart at the seams. 

On top of all of the madness, you still need to be somebody’s mom, somebody’s wife, somebody’s husband, somebody’s friend, somebody’s go to and the list goes on. Do you feel the pressure to perform? You know, when you feel the need act / pretend like you have it all together in front of others? You don’t want those closest to you, to know that you are not coping, maybe out of fear of what they may think of you. So you keep it “all together” when in actual fact you do not feel all together, you feel the complete opposite.

Just know, that it is okay to feel as if you don’t have it all together. It’s okay to acknowledge where you are, and what is going on in your heart. We are not called to be perfect, and have everything all together 24 / 7 ! It’s okay to have those moments!

DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE

If you keep everything locked up tightly within your heart, you end up suffering in silence. You end up feeling trapped and caged by the burden that your heart carries silently within. You do not need to shout every detail of your life from the roof tops of social media to random strangers in Pick n Pay. However, choose wisely to reach out to those that you trust, that have your best interests at heart. When we reach out to those we trust, we bring those hidden things to the light, so that the darkness cannot hold it against us. I have found when I have opened up to a close few about my struggles, those friends have kept me accountable, and have spoken life and courage into those areas! Which in turn would stir up my courage to keep fighting!

DO NOT STAY THERE

We tend to surrender very quickly, and give up and accept that this is it for us! However, with God all things are possible, with him at our side we are called to be victorious, we are called to be conquerors, with Him we can overcome the darkest of nights! I don’t believe that we are called to stay in a particular season, seasons change and so do we. We learn from a season, that will empower us to handle the next season well. We need to keep on moving, not staying and living in our brokenness! Maybe that might mean waking up every day and declaring Gods goodness over your life and over your situation. Maybe it might mean taking one day at a time, having faith as you courageously take one step at a time as you move forward! Just keep moving, as in the moving it will stir up our faith and renew your hope!

FIGHT WITH PRAISE

One of the best ways to move forward is to fight the battle with shouts of praise. It is NEVER easy praising God and thanking God for His goodness when things do not feel like they are going well. It’s hard to praise God when we feel like we can’t trust Him in an area that is filled with fear, and disappointment. However, I have found that when I thank God regardless of what my season looks like, and I declare his goodness over me, I immediately feel a shift take place in my heart! It’s almost as if the praise quietens the fear, and brings my mind and heart fully focused onto God!

FIND YOUR ANCHOR

When everything around me feels like it’s falling a apart, I take solace in knowing that when I place my focus on God, He anchors me and brings me to a place of stillness and calmness! When I quieten my thoughts, and place my focus on Him, he gives me the peace and the courage to keep moving forward with Him at my side! Let God be your anchor.

Definition of Anchor:

An anchor is a device, normally made of metal, used to connect a vessel to the bed of a body of water to prevent the craft from drifting due to wind or current.

With God as our anchor, He will keep us afloat, He will not let us drift off and be beaten by the waves. He will wait with us until the storm around us ceases and gives way! Allow Him to anchor you, allow Him to take control of what weighs you down, allow His peace to comfort you. You will move forward from what troubles you, your best days lie before you, hold onto Hope, hold onto the promises of God. If this post spoke to you and you would like to know about being in a relationship with God, may I then encourage you to click on the banner below.

THE NOT SO PERFECT MOM

Cassan Ferguson
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THE NOT SO PERFECT MOM

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU KEEP MESSING UP AS A MOM?

I know I do! Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. We all have those days, where parenting flips itself on its head and we end up behaving like absolute trolls! There is the good side, the cute side, the very sweet side of parenting little people. Then there is the unpredictable side, the wild side, the not so sweet side of parenting! To be honest with you, I love both sides of parenting, I have learned so much in the last two and half years of being a mom, and I know there is still LOADS to learn!

BEAUTIFUL SIDE OF PARENTING

  • The hugs and kisses.
  • The cute conversations.
  • Laughing at silly things together.
  • Doing fun things together.

THE SCARY SIDE OF PARENTING

  • Teething.
  • Tantrums.
  • Kids defying you at almost every turn.
  • Stomach bugs.

Parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster, you will feel like you are experiencing a million emotions all in one day. No wonder, it’s no surprise that we feel so emotionally exhausted by the end of the day, and collapse on the couch into the fetal position!

Some days parenting gets to me, and it knocks me down to the floor, and I end up behaving like a mini hulk! In general, I feel like I am quite a sweet person, generally calm, and very upbeat. So it takes me by surprise when my son has pushed all of my buttons and wears away at my patience until finally I snap! Truth be told, after my angry hulk moment, I feel like the worst mom ever! I feel disappointed in myself, and most importantly I feel like I have failed my son by behaving like a troll! There is a side of me that likes things to be perfect, but with parenting the reality is that things are NEVER perfect but rather unique in every sense of the word!

When I have those not so perfect mom moments, I remind myself of the following:

Say sorry – Say sorry quickly to your little people, we are humans with emotions too, let them see and learn from you by acknowledging your weak moments. Saying sorry, also lets your little ones feel secure and safe around you, as they fear to know that you feel upset with them.

Don’t be hard on yourself – We tend to beat ourselves up when we mess up as moms. We forget that it is normal to act slightly out of character and that those moments come with the territory. We need to learn to let it go and learn how to handle our emotions better. We are not perfect, we are humans that will mess up from time to time. We need to have the courage to pick ourselves up off the floor and keep on going!

Tomorrow is a new day – When I have one of “those days”, I remind myself that tomorrow is a new day filled with new adventures! I do not need to let my mistakes of yesterday stop me from enjoying my tomorrow. There is always something new to look forward to.

Ask God – Parenting is not always easy, and we can’t do it on our own. We need Gods grace, we need His wisdom, and we need Him to help carry us through it all. Therefore, ask God daily to guide you as you go about parenting your little ones.

I do not believe that we have been called to be perfect moms, but rather to be loving, adaptable, and unique! Do not let mom guilt stop you from experiencing the best days of parenting your little people! If this post spoke to you, or you would like to know more about being in a relationship with God, then may I encourage to click on the banner below.

CULTIVATING GREAT FRIENDSHIPS

Cassan Ferguson
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CULTIVATING GREAT FRIENDSHIPS

Friendships are family that we choose.

We don’t have much of a choice as to what families we are born into. However, we do have a choice when it comes to having those special friends that we do life with. Our Amigo’s, our homies, our besties, our sidekicks! The special people that we let into our hearts, the friends that we laugh with, share our secrets with, cheer each other on through the good times and the bad times.

Over the years, I have experienced fly by night friendships, to seasonal friendships, to the friends that have basically become family not only to me but to my actual family. Sometimes people think I am related to some of my friends, because we sound similar, or have the same sense of humor, to similar mannerisms! I have friends that I may not see on a regular basis, but when I do see them it’s as though we have never been apart!

Over the years, I have learnt,  a few interesting things when it comes to having and maintaining great friendships. Now, these things that I have learnt have been due to failed friendships, due to disagreements, through to lifestyle changes. Some friendships I have learnt to let go of and make peace with it, whereas with other friendships I have learnt to fight for, and work on in order to maintain a great friendship by being a great friend.

HOW TO CULTIVATE GREAT FRIENDSHIPS

ENCOURAGE THEM

I can’t stress this enough, but it is very important to have friends that support you, encourage you and cheer you on in the good times and in the bad times! Friends should always choose to see the good in each other, and speak words of life and courage into the hearts of their friends. The truth is, we all need encouragement to help carry us and strengthen us to keep on keeping on.

Encourage Definition: To give confidence, support, or hope to someone. To motivate, inspire, uplift, stir up, revitalize, and fire up. 

BE A GREAT LISTENER

When a friend is sharing with us, and seeking advice or support, it’s no use that we just sit there with a vacant smile and nod our heads but our thoughts are a million miles away contemplating grocery shopping! Be present when your friend is sharing with you, listen to them, listen and look out for the things that they are not saying. When we truly listen to what others are saying, we will know how to encourage them more effectively. Sometimes people just want to be heard, knowing that you are there taking it in with them shows the most love and support for them.

BE HONEST

Often people do not want to offend others by sharing what they really think or feel, in case others may respond negatively towards it. Then they hold it back, then it builds and resentment starts to make them act out in an irrational sort of way. However, if you are honest with your thoughts, feelings to your opinions, others will respect you more for being open and honest with them. I remember having a conversation with a very old friend, that I have known for many years now, open up to me about her concerns and insecurities within our friendship. I remember feeling like I was being taken off guard, and I felt a bit defensive, but I heard her heart and understood where she came from. It encouraged me to be more open and honest with friends, as I recognized the strength in being honest with my opinions and feelings.

CONFRONT AND CHALLENGE

Let’s be honest having those tough conversations with friends is not always easy! Calling a friend out on something they may have done wrong, or maybe something that they are doing that is not good for them or for those around them is NOT FUN! I have had a few conversations like that, where I would practice the conversation before hand in my mind because confronting others was not always my strong suit. I would either explode and say very mean things, or I would ignore the person for the whole of eternity. However, I knew those options would never resolve long term pressing issues, and it wouldn’t change or refine me in character.

The important thing to note when confronting a friend is to always tell the truth in love, then remember you cannot control their reaction afterwards. They may choose to listen and take to heart what you have said, or they may choose to react and melt your face off with their eyes! That is out of your control. You may need to give them some time to digest it all and process what you have said.  Please note, when you decide to confront think what you are wanting to say, and how you are wanting to say it. Be fair in what you say, do not go in guns blazing, ready for war, the receiver will put their walls up and out of defense they may react emotionally and not be open to what you are saying. The thing with challenging and confronting others, it should always lead others to want to improve in character. Therefore speak to them with love, and encourage them during the challenging conversation.

FORGIVE QUICKLY

Friends are people with flaws. After all, we are human, and humans make mistakes, ALL the time! If a friend makes a mistake and is remorseful and they are trying to make amends with us, we should move forward from the issue by forgiving them. Forgiveness is releasing for both parties concerned, unforgiveness becomes a burden that slowly starts to weigh us down and it wears away at us. However, when we choose to forgive, we are then choosing to move forward, to grow, we are choosing to be released from the oppression that hurt brings along with it. If a friendship is worth salvaging, then I say fight for it, by choosing to forgive.

USE WISDOM

I know that I may say this a lot, but without wisdom, we entertain and allow for very silly things to transpire in our lives. We need wisdom when it comes to the people that we choose to speak into our lives. We also need wisdom when maintaining healthy friendships.

DO TO THEM, AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE TO YOU

Treat others, as you would have them treat you. If you want to be respected, then respect others. If you want others to speak well of you, then speak well of others. If you want others to be kind to you, be kind to others. We often want others to do all these amazing things for us, but we aren’t willing to do any of those things for them. Friendships are give and take, and we should always try to give the best version of ourselves to others. So the next time, you find yourself wanting to gossip about a friend, maybe ask yourself if you would like it if they spoke badly about you.

LET LOVE LEAD

When we let love lead in our relationships and in our friendships with others, it will always add strength to those around us. When we let love lead, we choose to see the best in others, we choose to take care of others and have their best interests at heart. When we let love lead, we learn to overcome difficult situations, we learn to seek the truth, we learn to be the best version of ourselves for others. Choosing to love is not always easy, as it requires us to be bold, to get over pride, choosing love refines our character! I believe that when we choose to love others, it will not only bless us, but it will bless those around us.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 6 

I am trusting that your friendships will grow from strength to strength, this may require us to be more intentional in certain areas. However, the reward long term will be great! Here’s to a fun festive season spent with family and friends!

Our Children Are Our Best Teachers

Cassan Ferguson
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Our Children Are Our Best Teachers

I had this moment the other day whilst driving back home from dropping my son off at school where I thought to myself:

OUR CHILDREN ARE OUR BEST TEACHERS.

We as parents need to be mindful of teaching our children how to behave appropriately, how to approach life, to know right from wrong, to pursue their dreams and grow their talents. Therefore we as the parents are constantly growing, and we are most certainly learning new things about ourselves through the parenting of our children. The things we learn from our children, we can apply to all the other areas of our lives.

THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM OUR CHILDREN

I know for me I have learnt the following through raising my son:

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE – I loved my son before he was born, I knew I loved him the moment I saw his heart beat for the first time on the screen in the doctor’s office! What I am learning everyday with my son, is that my love for him continues to grow, it never ceases! I love him when he is sick, when he is sad, when he has pushed my buttons too far, when he does something new, when does something funny, when he feels scared, when he is hurt! I love all of him, not parts of him, ALL of him! Therefore I can’t be selfish with my love for him, I give him my best, and I love him in the best way possible!

PATIENCE – Being patient is not always easy, especially when you have a strong-willed toddler that is trying to establish their independence where ever they go! I normally struggle in the area of being patient, so this has been an area that I have to keep working on. I have to remind myself to slow down, to take deep breaths and just wait certain things out. If that means repeating myself a million times, then I will learn to love it and embrace it!

BE PRESENT – These days life moves at such a rapid pace, we live in a very fast paced tech age! Therefore we can easily be distracted with being online, to thinking of all the to do lists that keep on growing, that we end up living in tomorrow’s thoughts, and miss out on moments that are happening all around us! My son has taught me to slow down, to get on the floor with him and to build Lego, he has taught me to rest in the moments with him, to laugh at silly things, he has taught me to let go of tomorrow and to be with him in the throws of today!

CONFIDENCE – From the moment I fell pregnant, I felt a stir in my heart that it was time to work on my confidence! I knew that I wanted to be a mom that felt empowered, and did not feel guilty or unsure when it came to making decisions that felt right for my son! I also knew that my son would grow up understanding confidence through us, his parents. I did not want him to grow up doubting himself, or doubting if he should pursue the dreams in his heart. I want him to be fearless, to be confident, to step into the unknown with passion and expectancy. Therefore this is an area I am intentional about, I make decisions and do things that grow and challenge my confidence, it is not always easy to commit to, but I know it will have long-term lasting value for not only me, but for my son!

BEING ADAPTABLE – With parenting you soon realize that what may work for one child, may not necessarily work for another child. What works one day with your child, may not work the next day for them or for you! You may have a month of rocking the parenting game, to another month where everything seems to be going backwards! Your children may have a month of excellent sleep, to another month of waking up during the night! There are so many unexpected moments that take you off guard as a parent, things that are out of your control for the most part. Therefore we need to be adaptable to moving and flowing in a way that will suit the current situation.

COMMITTING EVEN WHEN I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT – When you become a parent, you commit to the good times and the bad times! You commit to every little area of your little person’s life! You may feel tired, completely overwhelmed, to feeling drained, however although you feel those things it does not mean you will stop caring for them. You will still bath them, feed them, read to them, do homework with them, take them outdoors. You somehow just keep on keeping on, and push through even when you don’t necessarily feel like it.

SAYING SORRY, FORGIVING QUICKLY – There are moments in parenting where your children will push your limits, and defy you as a means of pushing and seeing how far those boundaries go! They may push us so far that we end up losing our cool in front of them! We may even feel justified for responding this way, however what is it teaching them long-term? Yes we must teach them how to behave, but not at the expense of losing our cool completely and not walking them through the motions calmly. When I lose my cool with my son, I make sure that I calm myself down , then I approach him , hold him, I apologize to him and give him a big hug! What is amazing, is that he will always respond with a big hug, he forgives quickly, because his love for me is so relentless! When my son does something that he shouldn’t, he knows to say sorry, because he feels remorseful! We forgive him immediately, without hesitation, because we know that he knew what he did was wrong, and we do not need to hold it over him.

EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY – Some days I feel like disappearing into the dark abyss with a big cup of coffee! Some days feel like a triathlon, a never ending dark twisted triathlon. Maybe it’s because I am trying to balance work, to the juggling of family life; that I end up feeling moody, and a bit snappy, and make mistakes because of my bad attitude. I have gotten into a habit of reminding myself when I encounter those days, that tomorrow does not have to be a repeat, tomorrow will bring with it new blessings , tomorrow is day filled with new hope and new possibilities!

SEEKING GOD – In this season of parenting, there are days where we will feel powerless, helpless and a bit lost, which is very normal! I know for me, when I have those moments it has become such a comfort knowing I turn to God whenever I feel like that! He gives me the grace that I need, the patience, the understanding , the wisdom, and he refreshes me to keep on keeping on! Knowing that I can do this amazing season with God at my side, and at the centre of it all encourages me to keep my head held high!

A LOVE LIKE NO OTHER

I love knowing that as a mom, I am constantly growing and I am learning new things about myself and about my character through my relationship with my son! I feel almost as if in this season of parenting, my character is being refined, which in turn impacts and influences the way I approach life and those around me!

What amazes me even more is knowing that God, our father loves us relentlessly. He loves us in a way that forgives quickly, in a way that keeps no records of our wrongs! He loves us unconditionally, not because of the things we have done or are currently doing, he just loves us for who we are! What I love knowing is that no matter how many times I may mess up, and pull away from Him, he constantly draws me back in and we pick up from where we left off! Because of His reckless pursuit of me, I can’t help but feel loved, I can’t help but run towards Him.

In this season of parenting we need to draw on God like never before. We need His wisdom, we need His grace, we need to know and understand His unconditional love, so that we can pour those things into our children. Your best parenting days lay before you, why not start today by deciding that you will pursue a relationship with Him. If you would like to know more, may I encourage you to click on the link below.

Mom Identity Crisis!

Cassan Ferguson
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1
Mom Identity Crisis!

Dear new mom, or first time mom to be, gather a little closer and listen carefully at what I am about to say :

You’re still YOU, before you are a mom.

Remember that statement, repeat it if you need to, because when motherhood happens, you will soon realize that life moves at a different pace, and if you’re not careful you can lose a sense of who you are in being a mom.

THE REALITY

Before becoming a mom, you are a person full of passion, goals, dreams, and maybe you even have hobbies, and yes you love your husband and love having fun with him and with your friends! However, sometimes, and yes only sometimes, and by sometimes I mean 90% of the time. New moms forget this, they forget about all the facets that makes them, well them! The facets that need to be cherished, and taken care of.

Yes, it happens, the early days of mother hood are full on, you’re sleep deprived, you’re feeding your newborn every 2-3 hours, then changing diapers, then  planning supper, and somehow remembering to shower and brush your teeth! We immediately start to move and operate on a whole new level of multitasking! You’ve even achieved Wonder Woman status!

But truth be told, when you’re all alone, sitting in bed just you and  your thoughts. You soon realize in those quiet moments that you feel a bit down, you feel a bit empty, you feel a bit forgotten. In fact you can’t seem to remember who you are anymore. When you look at your reflection in the mirror, you see yourself vaguely, but you feel a bit estranged with the girl reflecting back at you. You can’t remember when last you just went out for coffee with a girlfriend, or went on a mini shopping spree, or had a relaxing massage. You may even feel guilty for feeling those things, or for wanting those things.

If we are not careful, and on guard, we start to neglect taking care of ourselves. We then start to entertain lies that waft into our minds ; “It’s very selfish to want to look after yourself and have me time”, “You can’t ask others to baby sit, it’s your child, you should look after your child!”, “You’re a mom now, you come second, or third or last!”

The funny thing is, we start to believe these lies. These lies start to steal our joy. That emptiness and sadness will seep into our parenting, from the way we pour out our love into others through what we say and through what we do. That’s why it is so important, if not valuable to look after ourselves and our well-being, as a happy mom brings more warmth into her home.

THE REFRESHED MOM’S HANDGUIDE

  1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
    You heard me! You are a person first and foremost! It’s not a selfish thought! Take care of yourself and allow for moments that feed and refresh you! It may mean having a catch up with a friend, or spoiling yourself with a good book or having a spa day! It can be anything really, just as long as it feeds you, refreshes you, and if not inspires you! A happy mom that feels refuelled will parent with more joy and strength!
  2. ASK GOD
    If you feel like you may have gotten caught up in being a mom and have forgotten to feed the many others sides to yourself. Then may I encourage you to ask God to give you the wisdom, the inspiration, a fresh new perspective into who you are. Sometimes we forget who we are, as we are trying to wear so many hats and be everyone’s everything! Why not start today asking God to reveal to you the areas of your life that you may have neglected, then look at how you can make room to feed into those areas!
  3. HIS STRENGTH
    God wants you to enjoy all seasons of life, some seasons may be more enduring than others, but God wants you to walk through those seasons feeling empowered and graced by Him to do so! Being a mom should not steal your joy, and it certainly should not steal from your happiness and personal growth. I believe with God’s guidance, and love, we can find the balance between nurturing all the God given gifts, passions and dreams to being an amazing mom , wife and a friend. The great news is, is that we do not have to feel overwhelmed trying to do it all in our own strength.

I love how it says in the Bible:

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”
Philippians 4:13

What a relief! We can rest in God’s presence, we can RELY on him, we can also TRUST in Him to carry us as women! If this post spoke to you, or maybe you are wanting to know more about being in a relationship with God, may I encourage you to click on the link below. The best way to find ourselves, is through finding ourselves in Him!

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