Tuesday, December 7, 2021
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Cassan Ferguson

Faith it till you make it

Faith it till you make it! Yup, you heard me: “faith it till you make it!” You are probably wanting to correct me by saying it’s: “Fake it till you make it!” I know the old phrase all too well, and I used to try to “fake it till I made it!”, but I actually don’t agree with that way of living anymore, due to failing hopelessly at the “fake it” part.

If things in life get a bit stressful, too much to deal with, or when we feel completely out of our depth and overwhelmed, we quickly say “Yeah, I’m just going to fake it till I make it!”

In other words what we are really doing by the faking of it:

“I am going to pretend I know what I am doing, and pretend everything is all good, when in fact, I am actually feeling so overwhelmed, and feel so lost!”

We are quick to encourage others to act like they’ve got it all together, instead of being real, honest, facing the issues, and asking for help. Maybe we fear what others will think of us, or maybe we may see being vulnerable as a weakness, so we pretend that we are okay, and everything is okay until we get to where we need to go, whilst, emotionally suffering behind fake smiles.

However, being vulnerable, is not weakness but actually shows strength, as it’s honest, real, and is open to wanting and need help from others, or from God. We try so very hard to keep going in our own strength to do it all. We push ourselves to keep on keeping on, whilst suffering emotionally behind masked smiles. When in fact we were never truly designed to do life alone, suffer in silence, or do it all in our strength that only goes so far!

Faith it till you make it

When I became a Christian and started reading, and understanding the Bible, I began forming my very own personal relationship with God. I soon realized two very big game changing things that have completely changed the way I do things :

1 . God will strengthen and carry me

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9 

When we let go of all the things that overwhelm us and hand it over to God, we learn to trust in Him with the very details of our lives. That letting go, and leaning on Him, in turn activates our faith. It teaches us to look beyond our circumstances and situations and it encourages us to have faith in the unknown, knowing that God has it all in control.

When our faith in Him is activated, we learn to rest in Him, and to cast all anxieties aside, and focus on doing our best with God leading our very steps.

2 . We do not need to do it all alone

One of the biggest revelations that I had last year, was finally realizing that my friends and family wanted to be there for me, to help carry and encourage me, especially during those challenging seasons. I used to always fear that if I asked for help, it would maybe mean that I was being burden or a nuisance to others.

What a silly lie that was to believe, because knowing that there are special family members and friends that are willing to help me, helps to encourage and strengthen my faith as I navigate through more trying seasons.

With God and friends supporting and encouraging us we can do all things!

Are we raising entitled children, in an entitled generation?

By now most of us are aware of the term “Millennial”, if not the very quickly in a nutshell: A millennial is a term used to describe the adults of today that were born between 1980-2000. This specific generation grew up on electronics, or grew whilst electronics were being introduced within homes and lifestyles. This generation is seen as quite overly confident, and  believes in “following your dreams”, as opposed to sticking with traditional norms.

Some in society give Millennials a bad wrap, whilst others find Millennials to be inspiring, and innovative. There are always two sides to a coin, there are pro’s and cons that ultimately will either positively or negatively influence the generation to come.

The internet did not raise me

I am a mom in my early thirties, and I just make the “Millennial” age gap. However, cell phones only became a thing for young people where I live in South Africa, round 2000. So for the most part phones, social media, and technology wasn’t the main focus, or a focus at all growing up. Yet, when entering college it slowly started becoming something of interest. Now, I can’t imagine life without the internet or without a phone for that matter. We can now do basically anything and everything via our phones.

Being a mom, and a teacher, I am starting to see a shift in behavior and in the attitude of kids of today. Children are being spoilt much more, and encouraged from an (unreasonably) early age to play on iPads, tablets, cellphones as a means of entertainment. Millennial parents find themselves frantically trying to navigate work life, side hustle jobs, whilst balancing family life. Therefore, the majority parents will joke and say that in order to feel or remain somewhat sane, they give in to their children wishes, and let do what they what they want – so that they can get on with what they are so busy doing.

The kids of today

Ten years ago when I first started teaching, children were much more respectful of their elders and of their peers. Nowadays, greeting others has become “optional”. Ten years ago children understood consequences of their actions, and worked hard for rewards, nowadays kids expect gold stars, big gifts just for sitting still. Ten years ago parents were willing to help the teacher when it came to educating their child, nowadays parents expect the teachers to do all the work, even the parenting bit! Children, along with their parents in general, have become more entitled.

Times have changed, and are still changing, we as a generation are evolving, in some instances in very good ways, whilst, in others in not so good ways.  I do honestly believe, that as Millenials we are more empowered in a lot of ways, and do have the ability and desire to pursue are dreams, and make them work.

Yet, we still need to question what kind of kids, what type of generation are we raising in the process? Are our children able to think for themselves, do they have they manners, do they demand and expect material gifts for smallest of things?

Or,

Are we raising children who work hard, collaborate with others, accept and embrace a challenge, create innovative solutions and have basic life skills?

I raise these questions, as I am questioning and challenging myself as a parent, if I am being intentional about raising a healthy emotionally balanced child, who will one day have to think for themselves and raise their children one day!

What do you think of the children of today? Do you think they are entitled and are spoilt way too much?

A good marriage = hard work and lots of play!

“How is married life going? I bet it’s so tough and so much work!” I was asked that recently, I started laughing (my default setting when being asked loaded questions) and I responded with:

“Some seasons are tougher than others, but when you work through it and grow in it both individually and together as a team, marriage becomes so fun regardless of the season. Because you’re doing it with your best friend, and instead of wasting time fighting one another, you stand together facing issues, and overcoming them together!” 

Every great relationship has its ups and downs, yet it strives to stay unified in love, and purpose. Young couples who are about to tie the knot sometimes have the illusion or misconception that “married life is easy, and it requires no work.” Whilst, others may see marriage as too much work, and prefer to bounce in and out of relationships the moment it gets tough. Then there are some couples who avoid all confrontation, or some who constantly fight one another and drift further and further apart.

Again, marriage is hard work, yet all the intentional effort and love poured out into the marriage, ends up blessing the couple going forward.

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years, and I can honestly say that being married to your best friend is the best! No matter what season of life we go through, we choose to grow in love, and grow in character, and we choose to honor and cherish one another.

The first two years of marriage was very interesting, or should I just say openly and honestly “it was hard”. We were in our mid twenties, both starting in our careers, we came from very different backgrounds, and we were used to our space and the way we did things within a home. Then we got married, moved in together, and got a bit of a fright, or should a shock, when we realized it wasn’t the easiest of transitions for either of us.

We were crazy about each other, still are, but there were days where I just wanted to lock the bedroom door, and pretend he wasn’t there! For example, if you have an argument, aka, “a debate”, you can just storm off, and go to your house – but no, you live in the same house, and if your house is small, then you go to another room. But you are still in the same space – so that makes it even more uncomfortable. To add to those early days, my husband and I both dealt with conflict differently, and both communicated so very differently, hence, we used to clash and bump heads a lot in those early days.

Honestly there were moments where I questioned if this conflict and challenge would be a constant within our marriage, at times thinking that maybe I made a mistake, because we had conflict. But then we decided to do a marital course that our church was hosting, to help empower young married couples. I can’t for the life of me remember who was speaking, but they simply just said : “You are not fighting one another, you are fighting the issue. Keep those walls down, speak with love and with respect and make each other feel emotionally safe in those raw and vulnerable moments!”

A lightbulb moment, that completely changed the dynamic of our marriage. We were so determined to get our hands dirty, face some issues together in love, and fight for the future of our marriage. That meant we brought up and dealt with the uncomfortable things, that meant we needed to be intentional about truly listening to what the other person was saying, not what we think they were saying. We chose to always make one another feel emotionally safe and valued.

Fast forward a few years later, and our marriage still isn’t perfect, but we have way more fun, and deal with issues far quicker and move forward together a lot quicker. Now when we have difficult conversations or challenge one another, we don’t take it personally, we listen with respect, we honor one another in word and in action, we apologize and forgive quickly, then we choose to celebrate one another daily! That has become our norm, because we chose to make it our norm!

So. now when someone asks me what married life is like I honestly say: “It’s hard work at times, but mostly it’s fun!” 

Little lies we believe

Sneaky whispers creep in with deceptive lies, that end up making homes within our hearts. Little whispers that mess and toy with our emotions, and cause us to think less of ourselves. Sometimes these non-truths lead us to doubt who we are, to not love who we are, to despise ourselves. They make us forget our worth and value, in turn causing us to fear, to feel anxious, to feel insecure.

Little lies creep into our hearts more often than not. They wrestle with our hearts, and enslave our thought life. Sometimes without realizing it we entertain those sneaky little lies, and we feed them by entertaining and by listening to them. If we do not become aware of these lies, then we end up giving them the power to constantly control, consume, and dictate how we live our lives.

But, if we become more intentional about having those heart reflections and addressing those sneaky deceptive lies, then we become aware of uprooting them and removing them from our hearts, and ultimately from our lives.

A lie’s sole purpose is to:

  • deceive
  • enslave
  • steal from us
  • lowering our sense of self-worth and self-esteem
  • causing us to doubt, fear, or to feel hopeless and less than.

Lies can steal and negatively harm not only ourselves, but those that we love. Lies may encourage us to respond out of insecurity and fear. Lies can cause us to compare ourselves to somebody else, or to feel like we are useless or worthless.

When a lie creeps into my heart and it causes me to doubt myself, or causes me to act out of insecurity, I quickly pause for a moment and ask myself what that little lie is about, and I immediately tell it: “No thank you!”

You see, we have a choice when it comes to what we allow and entertain within our hearts and within our lives. But overcoming those lies, and nipping them in the bud requires intentional effort on our part. The more determined we become when facing these lies, the more we will feel more confident, happier, and free!

Killing those lies daily requires us to…

Identify the root causes of it

We all have little trigger points, maybe little areas that are sensitive spaces, and cause us to react in an unhealthy way. Once we know and understand what the root cause of those issues are, and we know exactly what we are addressing and healing deep within us.

Uproot all lies

Once we have acknowledge those sneaky deadly lies, the next thing to do is to uproot it and say to it “No more!” When we come to a place in our lives where we say “enough is enough, I am done with these lies”, we are being intentional about uprooting it out of lives once and for all.

Constantly fight off those lies wherever they try to sneak in

Just like weeds creep in from time to time, so do little lies, maybe new lies, or old lies creep in to taunt and haunt us. Be alert and on guard, when it comes to recognizing them and fighting them all.

Replace those old lies – with truth

A lie’s main job is to deceive us into believing something false. Which in turn causes us to think and behave in way that is conducive to that lie. When we uproot an old lie, we need to replace it was absolute truth, and that truth for me personally has always been Bible verses where God so clearly, and so eloquently speaks of His perfect love for us, and how He sees us as His masterpiece, a work of art!

There are so many beautiful, and power verses in the Bible that are full of truth and life, that brings healing and restoration. If I can encourage anything it is that for me personally the Bible and my personal relationship with God has worked so many miracles in my life, and I know He can do the same for you! And what I have come to learn and know so well, is that God takes our brokenness, and He turns it into something new, something beautiful!

You can be any age and still dare to dream

I was recently chatting to an elderly lady at a children’s party, and she was telling me how everything she does is for her children. Then she looked a bit tearful, as she said, “I want them to be able to experience and do things that I am too old to do?”

I immediately asked her “What is that?”

She responded with: “I want them to experience and learn how to play musical instruments!”

I couldn’t help but say: “Why don’t you learn as well with them?” She looked a bit shocked, if not confused and said “I am too old to learn, it’s a silly dream anyway!”

I did not want to let that moment pass, so I said to her:

“You’re not dead yet, so why not learn now, what have you got to lose?”

She teared up and asked: “Do you really think so? I have always dreamt about learning to play a musical instrument, but I sometimes think I am too old to hold on to silly dreams!” I said to her “You are never too young, or too old to dream and to go out see those dreams come alive!”

Dusty Dreams

How many of us believe the lie that we are “too old” to dream, or have any dreams for that matter? Or maybe we may have even forgotten how to dream, or think we are not worthy, or good enough, to have or pursue those little secret, or maybe not so secret, dreams? I know firsthand what it feels like to either put a dream on a shelf and let it collect dust, or to think and believe that I wasn’t worthy enough to have any dreams of the sort! What a silly lie to believe, yet we believe it anyway.

The Dream Weaver

A few years ago I found myself in a season of life where I believed whole heartedly that I would never be able to have dreams or have the confidence or knowledge or skill to see my dreams come into a reality.

I walked around with a very heavy broken heart, as I watched others make their dreams come into reality. If someone would say to me “But, Cass what dreams do you have in your heart, that you would love to see happen in your life?” I would tear up, as I truly believed I was excluded from the “dreaming club!”

Until, one day I found myself at a women’s conference called Colour Conference. The whole conference was aimed at inspiring, encouraging and empowering women to go out and be an unstoppable force within the world. To be a woman who brought light, peace, love, hope into her everyday surroundings. To be a woman who was led by God, and to be bold in who she was called to be.

I had a moment in that conference, where I felt a little whisper say to me deep inside my heart “You were called to dream, and you are worthy of dreaming!” I cried, and I felt like all those years of believing those lies fade away as this new-found truth overwhelmed my heart.

Dream Chaser

Fast forward a few years to today, this present moment, I find myself dreaming bigger than ever before, and I find myself making wise decisions and taking practical steps to see those dreams come to fruition. I also make it my personal project to encourage others to never stop dreaming big, and to never stop making choices that leads towards those dreams.

My mom who is in her late fifties is retired, yet, now she is finally doing an online course on something she really loves, and guess what? She is loving it! God births and places dreams within our heart regardless of our culture, background, or age.

Take time out to rediscover old or new dreams, or ask God to lay dreams on your heart. You are never too old or too young to work towards making those dreams come to pass!

A secret ingredient to happiness: Gratitude

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Sometimes we can obsess and waste so much time and energy focusing on all the things that we don’t have, that we end up feeling anxious, resentful, restless, frustrated or even disappointed because of all the lack in our lives. We are also never fully present in the moment, because we are still longing for something. It may even cause us to miss out on special moments with loved ones, because we are chasing after things and putting time and effort into seeking out those things that we think will fill us.

“If only I had a car, if only I had a bigger car, if only I had a house, if only I had two houses and a holiday house, if only I could go on holiday, if only I could go on an overseas holiday, if only I earned more money, and had a better job title, if only I could have this, or this, or that, and that…then maybe I would happier!”

NO!

Chasing shadows

We chase after things that will never ever truly fill who we are. Material objects, holidays, job promotions, can never truly bring long-term happiness and fulfillment. Yes, it will be exciting to experience all of those things, but when the dust settles, we will probably want more and more, and we end up constantly chasing after happiness.

Therefore, our happiness cannot be found in things, but rather within ourselves, with being content with who we are, and knowing that what we have is actually enough sometimes.

Chasing gratitude

If we had to put the same amount of focus, energy and time into acknowledging all of the great things that we do have in our lives, we would feel more appreciative of, and happier with, who we are and with what we have. Chasing after gratitude, has to become a natural habit that we form in our lives. This will happen when we are intentional about changing the way we think about things, and changing our perceptions and attitudes that we have towards the things that are already in our lives.

Chasing after gratitude takes our focus off of our ‘lack’, and makes us feel happy and blessed with everything that we do have. We become more present, humble, less stressed and happier! Which in turn will improve our moods, physical health, and sustain and strengthen our character regardless of the seasons of life we go through.

Small ways to encourage gratitude

  • Start every morning being thankful that you are alive and that every sunrise is a start at a new day. This simple action, will encourage your heart and mind to start the day with a positive attitude.
  • Identify and acknowledge your blessings, and be thankful for them.
  • Watch what you say – do you constantly focus and talk about all the negative lack in your life, or are you focusing and speaking about all of the things that are blessings in your life? What we say filters into our heart and thoughts, which in turn influences what we feel, how we behave and how we respond to our circumstances.

Remember that your life, your path and your story is unique, and will outwork itself very differently to others. Write your story well, and live it out beautifully!

Parents vs Teachers

I was sitting in a meeting with a group of teachers that were discussing issues that they feel they are facing within the classroom, both from the students, as well as from the parents. Parents are placing unrealistic pressure on their children, as well as on the teachers.

Teachers are starting to feel the pressure that they are expected to both parent, as well as teach the children, whilst the parents take a backseat and focus on all of the other demands that requires their attention. Parents are expecting the teachers to achieve and push for perfect results both academically, creatively, and emotionally.

Why?

Because the parents expect it, and so do the children. Young learners, as well as parents, are not wanting to put in the work from their side, instead they are now demanding the educators to do all of the work when it comes to raising their children.

Parents vs Teachers

Because we live in a day and age where both parents are expected to work, and live very fast paced lives with unrealistic demands and expectations placed on them, they are now placing the pressure on to teaches to fix all the parts that they, the parents, cannot see to or have the time and energy to see to.

Parents are now emailing or texting teachers all hours of the night, in their private time asking all sorts of questions or making various demands. Teachers are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and completely exhausted trying to play both “parent and teacher” to their students, as well as have a life of their own and family to take care of.

Parents and teachers need to work together

As a parent, and as a teacher myself, I do understand where both parties are coming from, and how both sides feel the pressure and frustration. Yet, as a mom I understand that it is my responsibility when it comes to shaping and emotional well-being of my son. My son’s teacher will obviously show my son love and support as best as possible, but her primary job is to educate him and stretch his mind and imagination.

Therefore, we both work together to get the best out of my son. That means at home after a long exhausting day of work, I too need to parent and put work in with my son when it comes to the shaping of his mind, character, and emotional wellbeing.

I think that as parents we forget that we need to work with the teachers in order to bring out the best in our children. We can’t only expect the teachers to make magic happen, we all need to put in the work together as united front! Instead of targeting your child’s teacher and trying to find faults or silly things to argue over with your child’s teacher. Find a happy medium where both parties are on the same page, and work together as a means of bringing out the best of your child.

Your pain setback can be motivate your power comeback

Have you ever gone through a season that completely flawed you, and left you speechless and battered and broken? So much so, that all you see is your mess and brokenness, and you don’t even know how you are going to move forward.

I know for me personally, I have had seasons where I have felt completely broken, that all I could feel and see was my pain and disappointment. I knew that the season had moved on, yet my heart was still living in that broken space. I did not know how to move forward, as all I could see before me was darkness.

When friends or family would say: “It will get better, this too shall pass”, my heart could not find confidence or hope in those statements, until I had a conversation with somebody who said “Your pain will be your strength, that will ultimately help and encourage others who will go through something similar.”

In that moment I felt hope and courage shake things up in my heart, and I felt the following become my pillars and foundation for going forward :

  • My pain and heartache would turn into something strong.
  • Not only will I grow in this pain and discomfort, but will encourage somebody else.

Ultimately it meant that my pain had purpose, that could redefine and encourage somebody else who is going through something similar. Which meant I could either decide that my pain could either define me indefinitely or I could redefine it into something that had the power to encourage others that were inflicted with similar pain.

Getting past the pain

Redefine your pain

  • Just know that your pain does not have the last say, and it most certainly does not define who you are. You have choice when it comes to overcoming your pain, or constantly living in it. Therefore, choose wisely when it comes to your health and emotional wellbeing.

It takes time

  • You will heal in time. You may not forget the cause of your pain, but you will feel start to feel whole again. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you find healing.

Be real about your pain

  • One of the best things that I have found to be true for me is when I have acknowledge when pain has entered my heart, and I communicate it to those that I trust. Why? If I choose to ignore it, or downplay it I let it linger, and I keep the emotional wound unattended to. But, if I am honest with myself and with those that I trust about my pain – I have accountability when it comes to healing and moving forward.

Continue to speak life and courage over your future

  • This year I have placed large focus on speaking life regardless of my emotions, fears, and anxiety. Although I may feel overwhelmed, I speak power, life and positive things over my situations. That in turn changes my mental attitude, and encourages me to continue to hope in confidence when it comes to moving forward, regardless of my situation.

When it feels too much lean into God’s presence

  • There are days where life feels a little bit too heavy to carry alone. If I had to be honest with you, I feel like that most days, overwhelmed and unable. But thank goodness, in those pressing unbearable moments I run to God like my life depended on it! I find a quiet space, where I openly and honestly let Him know how I feel and how I am struggling.

Purpose and power in our pain

Because He is God, He already knows my cares and concerns, I just need to acknowledge it for myself that I cannot cope on my own and that I need His help. In those moments, I feel a weight shift off of my heart and shoulders, because I know that God cares for all the details when it comes to my life and together we are an unstoppable force.

If you are going through heartache that feels unbearable, just know that God can comfort and heal every heartache because He cares so dearly for you. He can’t take your pain, and turn into something beautiful, something that can strength, hope and courage into not only your heart but into the hearts of others who encounter you!

If this post spoke to you, and you would like to know more, then may I encourage you to click on the link below.

6 Ways to encourage your child’s confidence

With being a drama teacher for well over a decade to little people, I have learnt a few valuable golden nuggets on how to really bring out the gold and potential in little people, whilst nurturing and growing their confidence.

Some children are more naturally outspoken, loud, verbal, and confident, whilst others are more withdrawn, anxious, soft spoken, shy, and like to observe first before making connections. Which means every child is different in how they perceive and experience the world around them. Therefore, their confidence will be at different levels, and will ultimately grow and flourish differently.

Sometimes as parents or as teachers, we can fall into the trap of assuming that all children will respond to praise and discipline the same. When in actual fact every child along with their unique personality trait, actually needs to be praised and disciplined in a way that is personal for them.

How can we do this?

1.  Get to know them

Children are constantly growing and evolving, from the things that captures their interests through to how life experiences shapes them. It’s important to get to know them, know what makes them tick and why. Know their interests, their insecurities and fears, along with their dreams.

Knowing them, and making the time to get to know them personally will lay the foundation for to help bring the best out of them, as you will have a greater understanding of why and how they experience things.

2.  Encourage them

Upon knowing their dreams, fears and insecurities, you now know where or how to encourage specifically and intentionally. You will have the power to speak life and courage into fearful spaces, which will encourage and motivate them to keep going.

When teaching drama to kids who are more anxious, or shy, I make a concerted effort to encourage them especially when I know how hard it for them to perform in front of others. This in turn makes them feel noticed for facing fears, which in turn builds their courage.

3.  Challenge them

If children do not feel challenged in what they are doing, they plateau and lose motivation and inspiration. Therefore, challenging them stretches them mentally and emotionally, which in turn shapes their confidence. Overcoming challenges encourages confidence and resilience.

4.  Walk with them

Growing confidence in young people is an ongoing journey that we choose to walk with our children. That means facing the good and the bad times with them, and encouraging them in and through those moments. Even now as an adult I am so appreciative of my parents who still to this day speak life and courage into my heart, which in turn encourages me to feel more confident.

5.  Encourage them to help somebody else

Another way to grow your child’s confidence is by encouraging them to help others. This in turn encourages them to model confidence, whilst helping others.

6.  Celebrate them 

Over the last decade of teaching drama, I have only ever taught big classes. Somehow my classes attract the shy, the anxious, the loud, the quiet, the sporty, the dramatic, the academic, anyone basically. Many parents will say to me: “I have no idea why, but my child loves your lessons!?” I don’t think I do anything different drama exercise wise, but I do place a lot of focus on encouragement, and celebrating the uniqueness of every single child. I do not expect children to fit a mould, and become something that they are not. Instead I celebrate how special and unique they are, I celebrate and acknowledge how they overcame their challenges, and how they choose to express themselves. Therefore, they trust me, they feel comfortable being themselves around me, and they celebrate themselves and each other confidently!

Every day we have an opportunity to speak life, courage into the hearts of the little people in our care. Which in turn could change the way they approach life and all the obstacles that life sometimes throws at us. Everyday we can choose to celebrate how special and unique they are, it’s not too late to speak courage into your children’s hearts!

Kill assumptions by killing fears

Most assumptions are birthed out of fear. Sometimes because we fear the worst at every turn maybe due to being hurt in the past, we end up assuming the worst of others and situations as a means of protecting ourselves from potential disappointments.

Assumptions can be very destructive not only to ourselves, but also to our relationships with others. This is because we are so caught up in our emotions, our feelings, our insecurities, that we don’t take time to really listen out for the truth.

The word “assumption” is defined as: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. Therefore, assumption is not based on fact or truth, but instead placed on false evidence or lies. Sometimes assumptions can box and label others unfairly, based on our fears and insecurities. This isn’t fair, because who are we to assume who or what they are, when we haven’t in fact given them the chance or time to know them properly.

Our lack of knowledge, our fears and insecurities can trigger off our assumptions. Which isn’t healthy for us long-term, as we will always be controlled by our fears and insecurities, and we in turn can damage other friendships or relationships if we let assumption rule in our hearts.

Kill assumptions by killing fears

If you are like me and you wanting to grow in character and are wanting to learn how to love others without fearing the worst, then let’s be intentional about doing the following: 

Understand the why behind your fears

One way to address insecurities and fears is by understanding where it comes from, and what triggers them to take over. When my husband and I first started dating nearly ten years ago, I used to doubt him constantly, and assume the worst of him at every turn. Why? Because my previous relationship was abusive and unhealthy, it shaped my heart to feel fearful, so as a means to protect it I would assume the worst, so I could feel in control and avoiding potential hurt and disappointments. Fear was ruling and controlling my heart, which in turn was damaging my relationship. But thankfully, I confronted it, by understanding it.

Address your fear and hurt head on 

I knew that if I wanted my relationship to grow going forward, that I had to address the fears that were controlling my heart. That meant upon acknowledging it and understanding it, I had to say to the fear in my heart: “enough, is enough! I no longer want you (the fear) to have the last say when it comes to my happiness and to my relationships.” This also meant that regardless of what I felt I chose to face it, by overcoming it, and by choosing love, trust, faith and hope in every situation.

Assume the best before assuming the worst

Sometimes when I feel my mind starting to assume the worst at every turn and I can feel my heart being sucked into its lies, I have to make a stand and stop myself from going there in my mind. Instead of focusing on the bad, I turn it around I change what I’m thinking in my mind. For example if I am thinking: “They are probably ignoring me” and I change it to: “Maybe they are really busy, and will get back to me when they have a moment.” Instead of focusing on the worst possible scenarios, I turn them into positive potential scenarios.

Do not let assumption control your heart and damage your relationships. Kill those assumptions, by confronting and overcoming those lies, fears, and insecurities. You will feel happier for it!

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