Most assumptions are birthed out of fear. Sometimes because we fear the worst at every turn maybe due to being hurt in the past, we end up assuming the worst of others and situations as a means of protecting ourselves from potential disappointments.

Assumptions can be very destructive not only to ourselves, but also to our relationships with others. This is because we are so caught up in our emotions, our feelings, our insecurities, that we don’t take time to really listen out for the truth.

The word “assumption” is defined as: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. Therefore, assumption is not based on fact or truth, but instead placed on false evidence or lies. Sometimes assumptions can box and label others unfairly, based on our fears and insecurities. This isn’t fair, because who are we to assume who or what they are, when we haven’t in fact given them the chance or time to know them properly.

Our lack of knowledge, our fears and insecurities can trigger off our assumptions. Which isn’t healthy for us long-term, as we will always be controlled by our fears and insecurities, and we in turn can damage other friendships or relationships if we let assumption rule in our hearts.

Kill assumptions by killing fears

If you are like me and you wanting to grow in character and are wanting to learn how to love others without fearing the worst, then let’s be intentional about doing the following: 

Understand the why behind your fears

One way to address insecurities and fears is by understanding where it comes from, and what triggers them to take over. When my husband and I first started dating nearly ten years ago, I used to doubt him constantly, and assume the worst of him at every turn. Why? Because my previous relationship was abusive and unhealthy, it shaped my heart to feel fearful, so as a means to protect it I would assume the worst, so I could feel in control and avoiding potential hurt and disappointments. Fear was ruling and controlling my heart, which in turn was damaging my relationship. But thankfully, I confronted it, by understanding it.

Address your fear and hurt head on 

I knew that if I wanted my relationship to grow going forward, that I had to address the fears that were controlling my heart. That meant upon acknowledging it and understanding it, I had to say to the fear in my heart: “enough, is enough! I no longer want you (the fear) to have the last say when it comes to my happiness and to my relationships.” This also meant that regardless of what I felt I chose to face it, by overcoming it, and by choosing love, trust, faith and hope in every situation.

Assume the best before assuming the worst

Sometimes when I feel my mind starting to assume the worst at every turn and I can feel my heart being sucked into its lies, I have to make a stand and stop myself from going there in my mind. Instead of focusing on the bad, I turn it around I change what I’m thinking in my mind. For example if I am thinking: “They are probably ignoring me” and I change it to: “Maybe they are really busy, and will get back to me when they have a moment.” Instead of focusing on the worst possible scenarios, I turn them into positive potential scenarios.

Do not let assumption control your heart and damage your relationships. Kill those assumptions, by confronting and overcoming those lies, fears, and insecurities. You will feel happier for it!