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Fran Thring

What if my President doesn’t believe in God?

Fran Thring
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What if my President doesn’t believe in God?

You’ve all seen the pictures. All the hoards of Christian protestors outside of *insert political building of choice. They are picketing against abortion or gay rights (those are the two favourites, but there are usually a host of issues which they have issue with).

It’s becoming more and more common to hear people of faith complain because the political parties in charge of their nation aren’t aligned with their personal beliefs.

For starters, there is something about this which feels a little bit arrogant. Why should everyone have to agree with your beliefs?

What’s more, laws regulating moral behaviour are not the best way to produce morality in people.

All the concern around whether or not the laws of a country align with the Bible makes me think that as Christians (I am one, so I can say this!) we have missed the foundational truth of Christianity. Moral works aren’t enough to save us from sin; the bad things we do. A relationship with God and Jesus working in our hearts is the way true transformation takes place, not a whole set of rules.

Making people sign up to a religion’s practices doesn’t actually make them followers

Christianity is about people’s hearts and not their behaviour. You can behave as perfectly as you wish and that won’t make you a good person nor will it win you a place in God’s favour. Christianity is unique in that it is a religion which shows us that God cares about us enough to come down to earth to live a perfect life and set us free. It is based on nothing more than a belief in Christ, and the transformation which is a result of that belief.

Jesus didn’t make it a rule. The story of Christ lies with us

Jesus never brought his kingdom or His ways into the earth through political rules or regulations. He brought His kingdom through friendship, teaching and relationship. We aren’t ever supposed to force someone into a faith. We are supposed to encourage them and believe in them and tell the story of Christ’s goodness in our lives.

We should be more concerned about the genuineness of our faith as opposed to the allegiance of political parties

I’m convinced that the world would be a better place if each of us lived out the reality of our faith with conviction and integrity instead of imposing it on others.

People don’t respond well to pressure

I’ve had those marketing people call me up. Sure, okay, they are paid to do it, but still I can’t help but squirm every time they call because I know. Know! they are going to try to pressure me into purchasing something which I don’t want. Even if I am remotely interested, their pushy style soon puts a stop to any of that interest.

You don’t need to push your faith on anyone. You don’t need to manipulate or legislate people into a belief. It simply doesn’t work.

Christians don’t have the right to live completely separated from people who don’t share the beliefs and practices of their faith.

It makes no sense to try to live in a little bubble. It contradictory to what the Christian faith professes and it’s not good for anyone to live in a group of people who are exactly the same as they are. We all need to have our mindsets challenged and we need to hear and experience differing opinions.

People have a right to live in ways you disagree with and we need to be open-minded enough to realise this.

Jesus criticised people for being into religion for religion’s sake

If your faith is just there to make you feel better than someone else, if it is just there so that you can march on into Heaven at the end of your life, then you may want to consider what it really is that you believe. We weren’t put on the planet to force or oblige people into Heaven. We were put on the earth to find a Saviour and then share this good news with those around us. As soon as we turn our faith into something else, we have done it an injustice.

If you don’t have a faith and would be interested in finding out more about Christ from a team of people who have an authentic faith in Jesus, click on the link below and we’ll help you out.

Zoom out

Fran Thring
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Zoom out

I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress lately. I mean I usually live a full life and I’m not someone who steps down from a challenge or is afraid to put up their hand if something needs to be done. I like a work life balance which means work hard and play hard. Problem being, there isn’t a lot of rest hard in that equation. Oops.

Stress is an awful thing. I can see it turning me into a monster and yet I feel like I have no control over it. Instead of going to sleep and waking up excited for a new day, I wake up with a bad mood. The voice in my head says, “so much to get done today Fran. Think you are going to make it? Think those people at work appreciate all your hard work? They’ll probably just give you more responsibility today. Watch and wait.”

I get home at the end of the day and instead of hanging out with my housemates and being pleasant, I’m tired. I’m stressed. I don’t want to talk to them, let alone anyone. All I want is 3 full days of sleep.

Stress sits on you and makes everything worse. It makes you see everything through a lens of immediate pain instead of long-term perspective. Instead of giving my friend the benefit of the doubt when I don’t hear from her, instead I become angry and entitled. “She never responds” I think and jump to conclusions.

In all the stress and chaos of the world and our very busy lives, we forget to become quiet. We don’t have time, we say. We don’t take a moment to zoom out and let smaller things get out of the way and made room for bigger things to occupy your thoughts.

If you zoom out far enough, you always get to God.

The thing about zooming out is that we gain perspective. It won’t last forever. The other thing about zooming out is that when we stop looking at all our small problems we suddenly have space for something bigger. We have a God space and nothing is bigger than Him.

Step back and see your situation through the eyes of someone infinitely bigger

What if someone big and infinitely caring really does have your life under control? Isn’t that a calming thought? Wouldn’t that motivate you to let go of some of the things that are holding you back?

When you think about God do you think small thoughts?

What does your picture of God look like? Do you think He is great? Do you think He is caring? Or are we confining Him with our narrow lens? Is He truly transcendent or is He simply another addition to our lives?

God puts everything together and turns it into something beautiful

God takes all the things which are you – the brown hair, the love for fashion, the crazy career path and puts it all together. He looks after you and somehow makes everything work out. You just can’t see it unless you take a moment to zoom out.

We are a stressed out people. We tend to only see ourselves. We see everything through our own lens and our own agenda. We let stress (me especially) steal our joy and vigor for life. We don’t take enough time to stop and zoom out. We don’t take enough time to look at the ocean or watch the water fall in a crescent into a forest pool. We don’t take enough time to smile at the old lady crossing the street or hear the sound of a child’s singing voice as they walk to school in the morning. Zoom out. Zoom out and let God who has it all sorted help figure out your plans and problems. Zoom out, and find perspective. Zoom out and you’ll see it’s going to be ok, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Sliding into Marriage instead of deciding ‘I do’

Fran Thring
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Sliding into Marriage instead of deciding ‘I do’

41 percent of first marriages end in divorce. 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce – according to a report by Mckinley Irvan. This is a frightening, frightening statistic which leaves all of us who are, or one day hope to be married on red alert. Divorce is not only a horrifying thing to go through but also a horrifying thing for the children and the families associated with the couple to have to work through.

One of the problems is that we don’t take the commitment part of a relationship seriously. The decision to marry (and whom we choose to marry) is the most important decisions a person can make, apart from saying “yes” to the grace of God working in our lives.

Sliding into a marriage because it feels like the right “next step” is never a good idea and can often lead to problems on the other side of  “I do.” A genuine and thought out commitment can not be replaced with an “oh, I guess we should do this” mindset.

Things which we get wrong in marriage

Focusing on what you are getting rather than what you can give

A marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. You are learning to put aside what you want and desire, and instead selecting to do what is best for both of you. This means your partner is not there to make you happy, meet all your needs, and solve all your problems. Your partner is there for you to love and cherish.

Losing respect for the other person

It often becomes very easy when you are fighting or dealing with hard issues to lose respect for the other person in a marriage. No matter what the issue is, who is right or wrong, or what has happened, it is never ok to lose respect for your partner. You should always treat your partner as the best version of themselves.

Basing your love for someone on their behaviour

Your love for your partner needs to be based on who they are, not what they do. Your partner will mess up. They will do unkind and thoughtless things. They will not always respond how you wish they would. You can’t tell them you love them so that they will do things for you. You can’t decide you don’t love them because their appearance or anything else changes.

Unhealthy expectations

Marriage isn’t a fairy tale and most people struggle with a few glitchy patches regardless of what circumstances they got married in. We somehow paint marriage with an overly romantic brush and then when we hit (the completely normal) challenges we think we did something wrong or it’s time to back out. Marriage is messy and it’s a long process of working through things with another person. It’s rewarding, but that doesn’t make it easy.

Dealing with conflict in a kind way

Conflict is not most people’s favourite thing. Most of us are not good at conflict and we avoid it. However, conflict is an important part of a marriage. Learning to disagree well is a vital relationship skill. How you discuss the hard things in life will either bring you closer or tear you further from each other. Try to see conflict as a way to learn about your other half instead of a way for you to get your say in the problem.

Maybe as a couple, you need to start redefining what are the priorities in your relationship and put in the time to grow spiritually and make sure God is a part of your marriage.

If you are fearful about your future, your marriage, and your weakness in relationships, today is a great day to turn again to the mercy of God and the riches of His grace. There is no relationship He can not assist in fixing and no problem too big for His grace.

Online Dating – it’s too easy

Fran Thring
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Online Dating – it’s too easy

It’s too darn easy. Swipe left, swipe right; meh, don’t like his hair. Don’t like her teeth.

“I’m not into rugby guys.”

“I’m not into girls that looks like dolls.”

Swipe left; swipe right.

What happened to someone standing in your living room, palms sweating and heart racing because they had waited 2 months to ask you out?

Let’s face it, the dating world today isn’t what it used to be. With all the social networking and online dating sites out there, finding a partner has become too easy. So, instead of putting in the time effort and work it takes to make a relationship work. We opt out and go for the next hit of instant gratification. Try someone else instead. Surely, this is the one?

This easy access to potential is not good for us. Instead of taking the time to get to know someone and give them a chance, it’s far easier to write someone off and go in search of another. The apps give us the illusion of endless choice, so we don’t always recognise when we’ve got someone great sitting in front of us.

Finding someone isn’t supposed to be easy

So  many times I hear people decide they aren’t into someone they are chatting with before they have even met them!! This baffles me. How can you decide someone is too immature when you haven’t had the maturity to sit down opposite them and find out a bit about their history. How can you decide you don’t like their looks when you haven’t met the person inside the looks and yes, personality does matter.

You have to take the time to get to know someone if you want a life partner. You have to give them a shot. You have to find out more than their name and 5 photos. You have to realise that this is a person, not a disposable doll on the other side of a conversation. It’s not supposed to be easy.

There is no “right” person

You will never find someone who is a 100% right match for you. It’s impossible. It can’t happen. It won’t happen. What you will find is a collection of people who could work with you. Then you make a choice as to the one you think you like and put in time, communication and effort.

Long term compatibility is a result of work and change, not a result of two default personalities made for each other.

You will have to change

You can’t date someone and remain unchanged. If you do, you probably aren’t growing closer to that other person. As people in a close relationships, we become similar to each other – not in ways which make us lose who we are but rather in a way which draws us closer to another human being.

If you aren’t willing to change some things about your self to be in a relationship, then you are going to find it hard to keep one. Swiping left and right doesn’t make us change. It doesn’t require any compromise from us and hence why we select to keep doing it, instead of going for the real thing.

Don’t lower your standards

Just because some people are swiping around and treating people like they are easy to come by, doesn’t mean everyone is like that. Don’t lower your standards. Don’t compromise your happiness because you are fed up and tired of the easy come, easy go culture. There are people out there who will put in the time and effort.

Don’t be tricked by the endless supply of left and right swipes. When you have someone who is legitimate, caring, shares your values, and who you are attracted to – go for it! Put in the time and work to turn it into something great. It’s not how you met which matters, rather it’s what you do with the potential once you have met.

Friendship Myths

Fran Thring
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Friendship Myths

One of our dogs had to go to the vet to get an operation and left the home for a few days. While she was gone, our other dog, Bullet, was at home by himself. You would think he would be excited to have all the attention for himself, but it wasn’t that way. Instead, he was sad. You could tell by watching him look at the gate with mournful eyes that he missed his friend.

We all need friends.

As you go through life, you will make many friendships. You will gather many people and hold them close to your heart. Your friends will make your worst days better and your good days the best. They will help you through the tough times and hold your hand when all you need is someone there. They will celebrate with you in the good times. There really is nothing on earth like a good friend.

There are some things, we believe about friendships, however which aren’t true. These things can create false expectations in our friendships which lead to disappointment and broken relationships. We all need good friendships in order to be happy and healthy people so these friendship myths are good to pay attention to so we can have many great friendships throughout life.

We will be friends forever

When someone is close to you, it feels like you should be friends forever. This expectation isn’t always fair on a friendship. Sometimes a friend will move far away and although you will remain friends, the nature of the friendship will change. Sometimes a friendship is not healthy and instead of you feeling like you need to “make it work” the best option is to step away.

Friends don’t need boundaries

All relationships need boundaries. Boundaries protect relationships and keep each of us secure and balanced. If you feel like you are being a nasty person by setting boundaries in a relationship, this isn’t correct. When a friendship is draining then decisions need to be made in order to keep the friendship life-giving instead of life draining.

Friends must always be there for each other

It’s great to have a friend who is always there for you, but sometimes you have to remember that your friend is a person too! It’s never a good idea to always burden your same friend with the hard things you are going through and expect them to always help out. At times our friends have their own challenges and can not be there for us like we want them to. Sometimes you need to talk to other people or go for counselling to keep your friendship healthy.

Good friends never fight

Everyone will have fights in life. The issue with friends is not whether or not you fight, but rather how you fight. Do you try to understand each other’s view? Are you personal or do you approach the issue with an as rational view-point as possible? Do you forgive and forget or do you hold grudges? Why don’t you sit down with your friend and create some guidelines as to how you will deal with things when they become difficult.

Friends must be the same age as you

We often end up being friends with people who are similar to us but there is no friendship rule. Any person can be friends with another person no matter what age, race or background they have. Don’t write off people who are different to you, but accept these friendships and grow from them as they can offer you different perspectives and bring value to your life.

Good friends support all your decisions

A good friend will challenge you when you need to be challenged. We often think a good friend is a supportive friend, and this is true. However, if you are about to do something dangerous, a good friend would not support you but would advise you against making this decision. Create a culture in your friendships where you are able to have healthy conversations about things and challenge each other without taking offence.

The busy girl’s guide to breakfast

Fran Thring
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The busy girl’s guide to breakfast

I take approximately five minutes to get something to eat in the morning. Don’t judge me. Have you tried straightening your hair, putting on makeup, deciding what to wear, making your bed, packing your bag, and remembering to brush your teeth in the short amount of time from getting out of bed to when you need to leave the house?

Listen, a girl needs her beauty sleep. Those extra few minutes in a morning count and yes, we do have to look good when we leave the house. It’s part of being female.

Now, in order to ace your day, we all know you need to get a good breakfast in before meetings pile up, everyone wants a piece of you and before you know it you feel flat and it’s 11:30.

Why add additional things to your list, or end up buying unhealthy takeaways to eat at your desk? If you are organised you can save time, money and get yourself the healthy start to the day which you wanted.

We have 4 great ideas to get you going in less than 5 minutes. Soon you’ll be doing brekkie like the queen.

Overnight Oats

The amazing thing about overnight oats is that you can prepare it the night before and there it is ready for you the next day. And oh so delish. Overnight oats are simply oats that are left overnight. The moisture has more time to be absorbed and so you don’t end up having any need to cook it. Yum. Put your oats in a Tupperware, add milk, nuts, honey and raisins. Get up the next day and grab it on your way out the door. Cha-ching, so easy.

Smoothies

The only food prep that a smoothie requires is freezing fruit. Cut up some bananas and strawberries. Separate them in to small portion sized bags for freezing and stash a whole lot in your freezer. In the morning grab a bag, a plain yoghurt, some fruit juice and honey. Pop them all in the blender. Blend for 4 minutes and bam, you are good to go. This is a great option for those hot summer day when all you feel like is something light and refreshing. You’ll soon find that you develop a knack for it and are able to try out different combinations of ingredients with success.

Boiled eggs

If you boil a whole lot of eggs at the beginning of the week then you can very easy keep these in your fridge for breakfasts, lunches, or snacks. To make a tasty on the go breakfast out of boiled eggs. Take the shell off 3 eggs and slice them up. Add some sliced tomato, red and orange peppers, feta and chickpeas. Your body will love you for the day and you’ll feel full and satisfied. What’s more, you’ve already got 2 of your 5 a day fruit and veggies in before it’s tea time. Don’t let that make you cheat though!

Homemade breakfast bars

Chocolate is not a good start to the day. However if you can make your own home-made health bars, then I think it is nearly as good. Mix together oats, raisins, coconut, sun flower seeds, nuts, oil and honey in a big bowl. The consistency should be crumbly and not too oily. Press the mixture into a dish and let it cook for 1 hour until it is golden on the edges. Take it out and cut it into slices or bars. Let it cool. This may sounds like lots of work but really it’s not. Plus you only do it once and then it is done for the rest of the week.

Tada! There you have it all you need to be a busy girl on the run. Off you go, go change the world with breakfast in stomach and passion in your heart.

How to get your dream job

Fran Thring
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How to get your dream job

So many people hate their jobs. This is sad because our jobs take up over 50 percent of our life and so often someone who hates their job is not a very happy person – full stop. We have to realise that our careers are something we need to nurture and take care of. People who are happy in their jobs are usually people who have been very intentional about how they look at their career and the choices they have made with regards to opportunity.

Doing a job that you enjoy is something that we can all work towards. It may take some time to get into something that you enjoy, but it will be worth it in the long-term. Remember, no job is perfect. They all have pros and cons but regardless it is important that you enjoy the overall experience of working. Here are some tips for finding your dream job:

Know where you want to go

Many people don’t end up at a job they want because they don’t know what they want to do. This is  silly. You may not know exactly what you want but if you are not happy in your current role then you must ask yourself what would make you happy in another role. Take a look at what is viable in the job market and create some focus for yourself and your career.

Take every opportunity to learn

Nobody gets their dream job by sitting back and demanding it. If you want an amazing job then you are going to have to do whatever it takes to learn and become the best at what you do. Read blogs on your topic, know what is the latest in your industry and hang out with people who are better than you and you will find your skill base grows rapidly.

Create a list of dream companies to work for

Do some research. Once you have the idea of what your ideal job would be, then take a look at what is on offer out there and find out what companies you would like to work for. Look at the company’s portfolios, their staff turn over rate and what the PR releases about them are saying. If their work is inspirational, then you can put them on your list and use this as a bench mark for your own skill base.

Network

Find and follow all the companies which you would like to work for on social media. Like their posts and try to understand their culture. This will give you the edge when you approach them. Find out what friends you have who work for their company and see if there is any way in which you can obtain a personal connection. If the company has any open days or events, then make sure you are at them. Network, network, network!

Create the perfect CV and sales letter

You need to make sure that your LinkedIn profile and CV are up to date and present your skill set in an honest and assertive manner. Ask a friend to read it and ask someone in your industry to give you an honest opinion on it. Ask yourself the question: “what value can I give to this company?” and “why should they select me over someone else?”

Keep going through the Nos

Everyone on the way to their perfect job receives some No’s and discouraging responses. This is normal. Try not to let it get you down or kill your drive for what you want. Find a good friend, mentor and accountability partner who can encourage you along the way. However, if you keep on pressing forward to be the best at what you do, you will only get No’s for so long before the right company will give you a chance. When you feel like your CV is ready don’t be afraid to pitch to the companies you have outlined in your vision. Be open to doing internships and be open to doing a different role and then moving into your preferred area.

Don’t give up on your dream and don’t settle for something which doesn’t make you happy. Fight for your dream job and I’m sure you will be rewarded.

A sensitive soul

Fran Thring
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A sensitive soul

Every report card I brought home said something like this: “Fran is a sensitive, intelligent and caring child.”

Sensitive… being sensitive is hard.

Those that have a sensitive personality often spend a majority of their life feeling fragile, misinterpreted and misunderstood. They wish they were more “tough.” They wish things didn’t affect them so much. They wish they could be stronger. They don’t realise how much strength they already have.

Intuition

Sensitivity gives you a heightened awareness of the world around you. You notice everything. You see the motivation behind the emotion. The plea behind the question and the problem behind the question.

Your intuition is a strength which can lead you away from bad situations and keep you safe. It is a gift for those who seek wisdom and counsel. Don’t dismiss it. Honour it.

Presence

Your sensitivity leads you to give people your full presence. You aren’t someone who goes on about themselves. You aren’t someone who zones out. You are caring and attentive. You are a good listener.

When you are there, you are fully there, respectful and generous – this is a beautiful gift to the person on the other side.

Depth

You are a person of depth. You aren’t afraid of emotions that many people fear, you aren’t afraid of  conversations which ask questions full of meaning. You don’t hide from pain or difficulty – you quietly face it head on.

You notice and care about things other people gloss over. You are a friend to the profound and it is in you that the spiritual can find a home.

Empathy

You will feel the pain of others as though it were your own. You will struggle to walk from a situation where someone is in need of your assistance and you will carry their hurts in your soul. You’ll fight hard for what’s right with an earnest sense of justice and you’ll protect those that need your protection.

Without your empathy, the world would suffer more.

Compassion

You treat others as you would yourself. You know pain and so you avoid afflicting it. The weak, scared and hurt flock to you because they know that with you they can find a person of trust.

It is compassion which changes the world.

Strength

You may not feel strong because you feel so much but remember that it is inner strength which counts the most. Those that shove their emotions away are not stronger but more avoiding. Being soft isn’t being weak. Being soft is being kind.

Peacefulness

When others bring mayhem, you bring peace. You don’t like fighting and so you will do what you can to ease the conflict and bring resolution. Listen to your desire for peace. It is the earnest desire of a selfless soul.

Commitment

When you find the people who you want to invest into, you pour yourself into them. You are a constant and caring friend. You stand by them, honor them and support them. Your friendship is a blessing. A strong strand in a cloth of frayed loyalty.

Health

While others can throw anything into their body, you can’t. You can’t get away with large amounts of junk food, caffeine and alcohol. It breaks you.

Listen to your body. Work with it. Even though it feels everything it is telling you things for a reason.

Work Ethic

You hate to disappoint so you constantly over-deliver. You are an asset in a team, and someone who can be counted on. Don’t let yourself become worn out or taken advantage of.

Know the value you bring and respect your own worth.

Grace

You’re kind. You’re conscientious. You say please and thank you and you don’t like swearing. You aren’t rude and you don’t degrade people. You have a humble softness that puts people at ease.

Cherish your grace

It’s strengths like these that can transform someone’s life. It is strengths like these that can change the world.

Without sensitivity what would our world look like? These strengths are strengths which Christ showcased on earth and they are nothing to be ashamed of. 

Purpose and potential – the inbetween

Fran Thring
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Purpose and potential – the inbetween

I’m a quick thinker. Things move through my brain, are processed and move out at a rapid rate. I don’t like waiting in lines. I don’t like indecisive people. I don’t like feeling stuck or as if I’m not moving forward in life. I don’t like untapped potential and I don’t like unmet goals. I’m driven – perhaps a little bit too driven and perhaps a little bit too caught up in my own ability to get stuff done.

One of the most difficult places to be in life is the big, grey in-between. It has no end and no beginning. It leaves you feeling sad, depressed, unsure and unsuccessful. It’s the place between what you know you are capable of and where you see your life. It’s the places between your dream for your future and the reality you wake up to every day.

What’s the answer? What do we do when we are stuck in the in-between? How do we move through this space and what if it never ends? Here are some thoughts to navigate you through the waters of the unknown.

If God didn’t give you your dream would you still follow Him?

Many times we grow up with a sense of entitlement. This entitlement quietly says to us: “If God loves you, He will give you your dream.” This is not a correct way of looking at God. Does a loving parent always give their children exactly what they want? No!

Our life is not about us. It’s not about us chasing our dreams and becoming rich and famous. Our life is instead, about God, His ways and helping people. When you frame your dreams on things like this then you find that all of a sudden they change or they become less urgent.

Are you relying on God to bring about things in your life, or are you focused on your own ability?

Yes, we must work hard, make good choices and be disciplined with our lives. But, there are things about life that no matter how hard we strive forward, we can not change or control. These things are where faith steps in. Even if you do all the right things, life can (and will) still throw you curve balls.

In these moments you are going to have to ask yourself if you hold more tightly to your own ability to make things happen or if you are able to release control. Sometimes our dreams are taken away from us for years simply so that we can learn the lesson of trusting God and letting go of our pride.

In the waiting seasons great lessons are learned.

Children who get everything they want are never nice or successful people. Life doesn’t work this way, and nor does God. In the in-between what is in our heart comes drifting to the surface – the negative attitudes, the self-pity, the bitterness and the unforgiveness.

God wants to test our hearts and characters. He wants us to learn about what is in our hearts and learn how to deal with it. In the times of waiting, we suddenly become aware of what is going on in our inner worlds. This forces us to deal with the important things that have taken root in our hearts and heads instead of the outward things like getting the accomplishments we think we deserve.

It’s about character, not accomplishment

Who you are matters more than what you have done. Yes, you can win the Nobel Prize for Physics, but if you are a horrible and unhappy person, what does it matter? We have to be careful that we don’t pick up the value system of the world around us instead of God’s value system.

In the world you are given points for big houses, lots of money and popularity. In God’s economy, you are given points for how you treat other people, what you do with your day to make the world better and the degree of integrity with which you approach every moment.

If you feel like you are in an in-between, or a place where you can’t see what is next, here’s what you do: stop focusing on the dream. Focus on the present you have been given and focus on listening to God as He refines your character. Let Him show you where you can change. Lift your eyes to Him and give Him glory. As you do this, you will often find that the things of this earth will fall into place.

5 ways to take away the “have to’s” in your life.

Fran Thring
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5 ways to take away the “have to’s” in your life.

I’ve started to feel heavy – heavier than I ever have. It feels as though life is a never-ending list of ‘have tos’. Have to go to gym. Have to see this person. Have to make this phone call. Have to get this done at work. Have to clean the house. Have to go to the bank. Have to get to church; on and on and on it goes and all I’m left with is a sense of never-ending scrolling tasks I need to get done and zero time to breathe in-between.

How can one little person handle it all? Well, she often feels like she isn’t.

So many of us get to that place where we feel like we can’t handle all the ‘have to’s’; it becomes overwhelming and it affects our emotional health.

Why do we always find we add more and more ‘have to’s’ to your list when they are actually optional? They aren’t ‘have to’s’; they are ‘like to’. Not everything can be a ‘have to’ – it simply doesn’t make sense. Each of us have a finite amount of energy and doing everything is only going to lead to a big mess.

Why don’t you try these tips to eliminating the ‘have to’s’ in your life and getting back in control?

  1. You have agency

Agency is the capacity to make choices and the power to act on them. Even though you can not control how these choices will play themselves out, you can control your own choice.

If you aren’t happy about something you can act on it and make a change. This can apply to the smallest areas of your life and the biggest areas of your life. Either way you have the power to decide and to act which means that your life is your responsibility.

2. Recognise your worth

People who don’t know what they are worth are more inclined to be pull in 700 directions trying to please everyone else out there in order to “prove” themselves. Everything in your schedule doesn’t just land itself there – it was put there by you.

When we forget our worth, we forget what really matters to us. If you value your time and abilities don’t sell them to the lowest bidder. Use them only on the things that matter most and are most rewarding.

3. Picture your future

Life coaches often tell you to picture how you want your life to be in 5 years. When you do this, it helps you to prioritise so that you are able to get there and move your life in the direction you want to see it go.

When you know where you are going you will soon start to recognise that many of your ‘have to’s’ are actually optional. This means you are able to make decisions with a clear mind.

4. Everything in life has limits

When you say yes to one thing, you say no to another. Life and people will place pressure on you to do everything and be everything but it is up to you to know where your boundary ends.

Your family can’t be your everything, because you have to do your job. Your job can’t be your everything because you need to spend time with the people who are important to you. When you realise that you aren’t supposed to be able to do everything you become better at letting it go and making the most of the limited time and space you do have

5. Replace your ‘have to’s’ with ‘get to’s’

‘Have to’ is more of a state of mind that an actual real demand. Most things in life has positive and negative spin offs and it depends on how you look at it.

I enjoy this quote from Albert Einstein:

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Many of the simple and normal every day things in our lives lose their mundane if we look at them from another angle. These things build our character and teach us commitment.

Maybe it’s time to take your ‘have to’s’ in your hands, draw some lines and decide to live your life with a sense of wonder. Try taking a step back today and looking at your life from a distance. What can you take out of your schedule? What can you try to see the positive side of? And where are you taking away from something valuable to build something which doesn’t matter to you?

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