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Cassan Ferguson

Train your brain to stay focused

Cassan Ferguson
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Train your brain to stay focused

Is it just me or is it becoming harder and harder to remain focused on the task at hand, and to effortlessly see it through to completion? There are so many distractions, not to mention the demands of living a very busy lifestyle, that it almost seems impossible to finish off anything well. Instead we muddle our way through things, giving them half of our attention, because we feel overwhelmed and distracted by everything else, and ultimately we cannot focus with clarity.

Because we live in the digital era, we feel the need to constantly multitask, as a means of anxiously ‘keeping up’ with everything, that we end up making silly rushed mistake and not giving each and every project solid individual attention. We then rush to finish projects, take on more than we can handle, and ultimately never finish our work properly.

We need to be aware and more mindful of training our brain like we would a muscle. In order for our brains to achieve maximum mental focus and concentration, they need to be exercised and challenged and stretched to do so. That may mean being more intentional about putting a few things in place in our day-to-day lives, that will help retrain and encourage our brains and bodies to focus for longer periods of time with greater impact.

Train your brain to focus better

Get more sleep – Getting enough sleep allows us to feel rested, which in turn encourages our brains to think more effectively and with more clarity.

Create a schedule – This could be a weekly and daily schedule that you follow that includes all the details from admin, through to meetings, deadlines, and other outside activities: gymming, social meetings and so on.

Work on one task at a time – Avoid multitasking, this only serves as a distraction, and ends up watering down your level of work. Instead focus on one thing at a time until it’s fully complete.

Silence the noise – Wear earphones if it encourages you concentrate better.

Stay hydrated – Water not only flushes out unwanted toxins, and hydrates us, but it also helps us to stay focused and concentrate for longer.

Breathe more deeply and consciously – Often we don’t realise that we end up shallow breathing whilst feeling stressed or very preoccupied at work. Take moments when sitting at your desk, to breathe slowly and deeply.

Switch off distractions – Switch off anything near you that serves as a distraction when you are at work. This could mean disabling social media or YouTube whilst working.

Incorporate exercise into your weekly routine – Exercise allows for oxygen to flow through your body and brain, encouraging a more stress feel and upbeat lifestyle.

Allow for mental breaks – When working for long periods of a time, take a few minutes in-between to let your mind rest and reboot itself.

Do the bulk of your work when your brain is most alert and focused – Find out when you feel like your brain is at its most focused, and then get stuck into your work. Every person is different, and may feel that they have the most energy at the start of the day, whilst others work better a little bit later.

Relationship deal breakers

Cassan Ferguson
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Relationship deal breakers

So finally after a few dates, you think you have found Mr Right. Someone, who you think you could possibly settle down with or possibly see yourself walking down the aisle towards them, with a happily ever after. Then, as the days and weeks go by, possibly months, you start noticing these little internal red flags. That almost cause you to pause for a moment and go: “Hmm, that doesn’t feel right.”

Perhaps, we overlook those little warning signs, and shrug them off as nerves or as silly insecurities. When in actual fact they are legitimate warning signals alerting us that something is not right, and that something is off about this person we are now dating. If you let a warning sign go unnoticed, or you simply shrug it off and ignore it, it can make things a little trickier and hard to call off later down the line.

I once dated someone (many moons ago) who I ignored and shrugged off all of his character flaws (everything from emotional abusive and manipulation, through to being possessive and controlling) as me being insecure or silly. However, I was silencing my gut instincts and intuition when it came to this other person’s unhealthy character flaws, so much so, that it really damaged me mentally and emotionally for quite some time. Because I let it go on for so long, it made it harder to break off that relationship. If I had followed through on my earlier warning signs and internal red flags that kept popping up, I think that I would have made very different life choices earlier on, as opposed to later. However, I have learnt from that, and I am now here to share with you from that personal experience when it comes to listening closely to those little nudgings and internal warning bells!

Relationship red flags and deal breakers

Pause for a moment in your relationship and really look at the following below and see if any of it rings true for you. Ask yourself if you and your partner are well suited together, and are on the same page when it comes to where you are heading. Never settle for a relationship because you feel lonely, or fear being alone one day. Trust your gut instincts, ask the tough questions, and fight for what you believe you deserve – which is the very best of course! 

  • They put way too much unnecessary pressure on you.
  • They are emotionally manipulative and often guilt you into doing things.
  • Their behavior is rather controlling and possessive towards you.
  • They speak down on you, and publicly humiliate you.
  • They do not value, or respect your opinions or feelings.
  • They refuse to compromise on anything.
  • They are not supportive.
  • They are selfish, and not willing to grow in this area.
  • They do not have the same faith or belief system as you.
  • They are often caught lying, and they constantly hide things from you or twist the truth.
  • They have very different views and thoughts when it comes to marriage and a family.
  • They do not want to commit to you long-term.

Remember:

Not everyone is perfect, or is expected to perfect. We are human after all, therefore, people will make honest mistakes without the intention of hurting us. The concern is when their actions are deliberate, and intentional, and they are not willing to grow or compromise to the detriment of your relationship and of themselves. Guard your heart, listen to it, ask those hard questions and never be afraid to settle. If you are thinking of long-term or marriage when it comes to relationships, use wisdom.

You don’t need to be strong all of the time

Cassan Ferguson
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You don’t need to be strong all of the time

I think somehow it’s in our nature as human beings to have this character flaw that we always need to be strong, and to somehow have it all together all of the time. We push ourselves rather ruthlessly and carelessly when it comes to riding out and navigating life storms, that when we eventually run out steam, completely fall apart seams and soon realize that we aren’t that strong, perfect or as together as we hoped or believed we were. We then see ourselves as being weak, because we weren’t able to keep it all afloat, in control and all kinds of strong. Yet, we forget life happens, and we are all human beings with flaws.

It’s okay

As humans we will fall, we will mess up, we will bump our heads, make mistakes, and we won’t have all of the answers, and sometimes life will sucker punch you in the face and leave you breathless, if not knocked out! And, you know what? That is okay! It is normal. That is life. And, that is exactly where God needs you sometimes, in order to bring you closer to Him, to teach you to rely on Him more, and in order to blow your hair back with the supernatural miracles that only He can perform.

His power – His strength

Being in control, all together, perfect, and strong for everyone else is so exhausting, and so not how God wants us to live. He wants us to rest in Him, He wants us to lean in Him, He wants us to trust in Him, He wants to be the one who carries and graces you (all of us) for every season. How often do we end up running on empty due to carrying  of things on our own, in our own strength?

There is only so far we can go, or so much we can do, when we go about doing it all in our strength. In those moments of weakness and vulnerability, thank goodness we can turn to God and ask Him to supernaturally grace us, strengthen us, comfort us and lead us through those impossible trials that we are sometimes faced with. As it says in His Word (the Bible):

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9 

Remember:

  • You are not alone, nor do you need to face trials alone. God is with you, let Him carry you, and lead you through all seasons of life.
  • You do not need to be perfect and all together all of the time. Let God be God, and do only what He can do. Let go, and trust in Him.
  • God will strengthen you, as you lean on Him.
  • With God going before you, and walking with you – ANYTHING is possible and doable!

Simplify your lifestyle

Cassan Ferguson
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Simplify your lifestyle

Living simply does not necessarily mean living without just about everything. Instead it encourages us to live a more balanced and intentional lifestyle, which in turn encourages a healthier lifestyle. Life has become rather busy, cluttered with to-do lists, unread emails and unrealistic work deadlines. It’s no wonder that we often feel like we are being torn in all directions and feel completely overwhelmed by it all.

This year I have been rather intentional about keeping things simple, as a means of placing value and focus onto the right things. Often without realizing it, we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle that is life, that we are left feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Yet, I have come to realize (the hard way) that by intentional simple planning and by being more aware and intentional of keeping things minimal and as stress free as possible – we will have the wisdom and the endurance to run our race with strength, focus, and determination.

Simplify your lifestyle tips

If we want to live a more present and a more intentional way of living, it will mean that we will have to become a little more self-aware, more disciplined in certain areas, and more conscious of putting certain structures in place. Here are a few tips to help you live a more simplified, stress free lifestyle:

Set monthly goals
  • Create a five-year vision and goal plan for your life. Then break it down in to yearly goals, followed by monthly and weekly attainable goals, that will ultimately help you to succeed and achieve those goals and dreams. Having a plan of action will give you the focus, and motivation that you need to stay the path.
Declutter closets and drawers seasonally, if not weekly
  • How often do we let drawers fill up with random odd things that we simply do not need. Or, how about our overflowing wardrobes filled with clothes that we haven’t worn in over a year? Yet, it all sits there collecting dust, and taking up space. Clear out whatever you have not used or worn in the last 6-12 months, donate to those that are in need instead.
Carry a water bottle with you everywhere
  • How often do we waste money buying ‘on the go’ water bottles. Or perhaps we find ourselves so busy with life itself, that we forget to drink water altogether. Water is very important for staying hydrated, as well as flushing out toxins. Invest in a handy water bottle that can simply be refilled and consumed as you go about your day.
Follow a quick morning routine
  • A quick morning routine could simply mean once you are dressed and all packed to go, investing in some time to quickly tidy up clothes that may be lying about, or quickly making up your bed. It could also mean waking up a few minutes earlier to mentally prepare for the day, or read or listen to a podcast that may add some inspiration to your day.
Start a capsule wardrobe
  • Instead of buying the latest fashion trends, rather invest in a quality capsule wardrobe. Items that could be worn in different ways, that could flow between day and night, and that will simply carry through to all seasons well.
Prepare your lunch or your kids lunches and bags the night before
  • I find that this little trick saves us so much time, and makes our morning routines go way faster. Which means we are less rushed, or less stressed when starting our day.
Do a quick clean up every night, to avoid accumlated mess
  • I’ve started doing this little nightly routine, which involves washing the dishes, and packing away my sons toys and picking up whatever has found its way to the floor. It takes five to ten minutes, and it feels good knowing that when we go to bed or when we wake up the next morning, the house will be neat and slightly organized.
Write a to-do list the night before
  • This is a definite must do. Writing to-do lists the night before, gives you a strong sense of mental focus and motivation for the day ahead. Do yourself a favor and try it out, it works wonders!
Slow down and be more present
  • Encourage and remind yourself to have moments where you take a few minutes to just breathe, relax and rest. Intentional rest will do wonders for your soul.
Avoid buying things that you don’t really need
  • In the moment we may feel like we “need” a particular item, when in actual fact we don’t need it at all. It then ends up being a waste of money, and time and then it ends up taking up space in our homes! Before buying something, stop for a moment to ask yourself if you really need it?
Have a social media detox
  • If social media distracts you when you should be resting or working, then maybe give it a mini break as a means of putting things back into focus.
Declutter emotionally and end unhealthy relationships
  • Often we neglect the heart and soul of who we are, because we end up putting ourselves last after everyone or everything else. Which in turn negatively effects our emotional and mental state of being. Look after yourself, and declutter all unwanted emotional mess and stress. Place value on yourself and take care of yourself by choosing what you allow or entertain within your life. Choose wisely, choose well!

11 Habits you need to quit

Cassan Ferguson
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11 Habits you need to quit

Habits can either produce good healthy fruits in our lives that motivates us to achieve our goals or, on the other hand, bad habits become a distraction and negatively impact our lives mentally, emotionally and physically.

How do bad habits form?

Most of the time bad habits are formed when we are either bored or stressed. Out of stress we may want to stress eat, drink more caffeine, go on wild shopping sprees as a means of distracting ourselves emotionally from our stress. The same goes for boredom, sometimes people may overeat due to feeling bored, or get lost in watching TV as a means of switching off emotionally. A bad habit may feel like a mini quick fix in the moment, but it never really fulfills or sorts out the heart of the issue, therefore, it remains an addictive bad habit within our lives.

Your habits, whether good or bad, play a vital role in shaping your character and lifestyle. Therefore, I think the question we need to ask ourselves: Are our day-to-day habits helping and aiding us when it comes to achieving our goals? Or do our habits distract us, cause us to be unhealthy and have a low self-esteem? It’s good to press pause sometimes and to ask ourselves these questions, as new habits (good or bad) form whether we are aware of them or not.

11 unhealthy habits to quit

  1. Stop checking social media nonstop.
  2. Stop trying to find your value and self-worth in other things or in people.
  3. Stop complaining all the time.
  4. Stop wasting time on negative unhealthy people.
  5. Stop trying to control everything.
  6. Stop trying to please everyone.
  7. Stop living in the past.
  8. Stop wasting time filling your soul and body with junk.
  9. Stop gossiping.
  10. Stop wasting time comparing yourself with others.
  11. Stop procrastinating.

The good news is that once we become aware of our bad habits, and understand why we automatically follow them, we can then begin the journey of replacing the old habit with a new healthier habit.

How to form a new healthy habit

  1. Focus on the new habit and start replacing the old habit with your new habit.
  2. Commit to the new habit for a minimum of 30 days.
  3. Know what triggers your bad habits.
  4. Create a plan of action going forward.
  5. Take baby steps when adjusting to the new healthy habit.
  6. Have accountability whilst adjusting to a healthier habit.
  7. Reflect and celebrate progress made.

Remember:

It takes 21 days to create a habit, and it takes 90 days to create a lifestyle. Therefore, commit to the process. Don’t merely strive for perfection and instant results, but rather instead pursue progress and good health going forward!

How different would the world be if we showed more kindness towards it?

Cassan Ferguson
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How different would the world be if we showed more kindness towards it?

I sometimes feel like we have lost of art of showing kindness and compassion towards others. Instead, we assume the worst of others, are quick to pass judgement, and are ready without hesitation to attack people in whatever way we can. We are quick to stand up for animals, and do anything in our power to rescue them (which is good) but are very slow when it comes to responding to the needs of fellow human beings. We hesitate, and we take time to “think about it” instead of responding to the needs and brokenness of others.

You see it just about everywhere, from social media through to the very street corners where we live. Brokenness surrounds us, yet we choose not to see it, and we choose to not respond to it. And yes, it would be physically and financially impossible to help every broken, helpless person on the planet. But, what if we chose to do small, yet significant acts of kindness towards others.

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. – Proverbs 3:3 

I have made it my mini mission to become more empathetic towards others. I may not have all the answers, but I use what’s in my hands. That may mean acting on impulse and paying for somebody’s lunch, or surprising someone with flowers. It may mean lending an ear to someone who possibly feels invisible or broken in spirit, or simply encouraging someone with words that uplift and empower.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32 

Being kind doesn’t mean you are weak, or naive, in fact it makes you more human, and it makes you stronger in character. Showing kindness to somebody else could be the motivation that they need to stand up courageously and face adversity. Your kindness could make that person feel like they have not been forgotten about. Showing kindness does not require a lot, just a willing heart that dares to be different in a world that has become so cold.

Kind words can be short to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. – Mother Teresa 

If you feel a bit disconnected when it comes to showing kindness, maybe pray and ask God to soften your heart towards others, and to show you how you can show small acts of kindness to others in need.

The low down on Fidget Spinners

Cassan Ferguson
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The low down on Fidget Spinners

There have been many dialogues via social media, radio, TV, as well as open debates regarding Fidget Spinners. Some of you may have already bought your child five of them, whilst, some of you despise them all together. Others may not even know what am even talking about. Do not worry, this post is for you then!

What is a Fidget Spinner?

According to Wikipedia :

A fidget spinner is a type of toy, whose marketers claim it relieves stress. A basic fidget spinner consists of a bearing in the center of a design made from any of a variety of materials including brass, stainless steel, titanium, copper and plastic. The toy has been advertised as helping people who have trouble with focusing or fidgeting (such as those with ADHD, autism, or anxiety) by acting as a release mechanism for nervous energy or psychological stress. Experts were divided on this claim, with some supporting it while others disputed its scientific basis and argued the toy may actually be more distracting.

Pros & cons of a Fidget Spinner

Initially the Fidget Spinner was created as a means of helping people who struggled with psychological stress. The idea was to help empower children who had ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety as a means of keeping them calm and focused. However, now every child has one and takes it to school. In some ways it has become another collectible toy, and a bit of a distraction within the classroom.

Before forming an uninformed opinion on the Fidget Spinner, I decided to test it out. First a little disclaimer: I am a drama teacher – so I understand how something like this can either help or distract within the classroom. Secondly, I have to constantly work at overcoming my anxiety in the day-to-day. Therefore, I wanted to test the Fidget Spinner to see if it would really aid in calming me.

The Fidget Spinner test

Upon first glance, it looks rather small, very plain, and well it spins, it doesn’t seem very exciting upon first glance. I then started playing around with it, spinning it, watching it, and I became rather mesmerized – I won’t lie!  When I have to work through my anxiety, I normally try to sift through a million anxious thoughts, my mind feels scattered, and all over the place most of the time. Which in turn causes me to breathe rapidly, and it makes me feel emotionally overwhelmed.

However, when I focused on just spinning this little object, all I did was focus on it. It’s almost as if my mind with all of its million thoughts became still as I focused on spinning the fidget spinner. After doing it on and off for the last week  – I noticed that I felt a bit calmer, because I wasn’t living so much inside my head. Which in turn made me feel a bit more grounded, and rested in some ways. For me personally, I can see why something like this works for those who struggle with anxiety.

Fidget Spinners in the classroom

Some schools have banned the idea of Fidget Spinners all together, whilst, others are looking for ways in which to incorporate it within the lessons. I have seen some learners take out their fidget spinners when they are busy writing scripts, and it helps them to stay focused whilst creating storylines. Then, on the other hand I have seen children with ten fidget spinners getting so caught up in playing with them that it actually serves them a disservice and causes them to be distracted and to not finish their work. It has its pros and it has its cons for sure.

I recently heard of school that decided to stop banning and confiscating the spinners, and instead let the children spin their spinners for an allocated time throughout the day, whilst working on certain activities. This school felt that: A) They were still being relevant to what the children’s interests were, B) They were finding a way to use the spinners wisely within lessons, as a means of encouraging interactive education with the children. For them, they believe that they are seeing positive results.

In one way fidget spinners can be an empowering learning tool, whilst for some it may be a distraction. What are your views and opinions on Fidget Spinners?

Things I wished I knew before getting married

Cassan Ferguson
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Things I wished I knew before getting married

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with a friend where you have uttered the phrase: “I wish somebody had told me, I wish I had known these things before hand, then maybe I wouldn’t have been as shocked, or I would have been better prepared for it?!” Please, tell me that I am not the only one who has either thought about the above or said it out aloud?

Before getting married nearly ten years ago, my husband and I did a premarital course through our church. We thought this would prepare and enlighten us as we moved into this exciting new chapter in our lives together. Some of the points were helpful, like :“Keep God at the center of your marriage, keep working on your marriage, and don’t go to bed angry with one another.” Helpful, yet very hard principles to follow and keep in place, especially during more trying seasons.

As my husband and I have grown together as a couple, and as individuals, along with all the ups and downs, there have been a few moments where we have been like; “No one told me, I had no idea, I have no idea what to do in this situation!” I believe these are normal moments everyone in a couple goes through, because going through them together makes your relationship stronger. Never see challenges within a marriage as defeat, but rather as opportunities to grow in love, and to grow in character.

Things we wished we knew before getting married

My husband and I were discussing the other day all the little things that made us feel so unprepared as a married couple. But in other ways, we are so appreciative of those little shock-factor-surprising-moments, because it encouraged us to grow in love.

1. Marriage is not perfect – It’s an adventure

  • My husband and I got married in our mid twenties, so we naturally thought that we would rock this thing called marriage. Ha! Boy were we wrong. I think I had this idea that my husband and I would have a practically perfect marriage. Then we started bumping heads in our first year of marriage, and realized that in some ways we were so different in how we communicated and dealt with things. This used to make me feel so flustered and vulnerable, because marriage didn’t always feel easy or comfortable.
  • I remember after a year or two of being married I stopped focusing on “why our marriage wasn’t perfect”, and I started to embrace our marriage ‘flaws and all’. Marriage isn’t perfect after all, as you have two very imperfect people trying to make something work. Which means it’s bound to have rocky moments where you disagree, or take offense. Every bumping of heads, through to life challenges and grander sweeter seasons requires constant faith and a determination to work together for love!

2. Don’t set your partner up for unrealistic expectations

  • How often do we fail others, by having them fail to meet our unrealistic expectations. Sometimes, we may even fail or dismiss our partners because they never met an expectation that they didn’t even know about. That kind of treatment is unfair and unkind, especially when they had no idea that it was even an expectation. Again, a marriage consists of two imperfect people, therefore, do not strive for perfection, strive for authenticity.

3. You cannot afford to become familiar and lazy within your relationship

  • Just like taking care of plants outside may require watering, sun, and intentional removing of weeds and feeding the soil, our marriages need to be nurtured and cared for. If we let our marriages fend for themselves, and neglect them all together – our marriages won’t flourish or excel. Take, and make, the time to be intentional about nurturing your marriage, by doing things that feed into you as a couple and bring you closer together.

4. Never fight each other, fight the issue

  • Biggest learning curve for my husband and I was too not take things personally and not to fight each other because of our insecurities. It’s never easy being called out on something, as it makes us feel vulnerable and a bit weak, like a failure. Yet, if we want to grow in character, and grow in love that means addressing root problems head on, and figuring out ways to overcome them together.

5. Always speak the truth in love – not from emotion

  • We are humans with feelings, and of course we want to feel justified in expressing them, as we see fit. But when it comes to our partners, our job is to not only guard our hearts, but to guard theirs. Therefore, regardless of how we may feel in that moment – it does not justify poor behavior. If you feel that you are getting rather explosive when heated emotionally, maybe take a step back, breathe for a few moments, and remind yourself that you are not fighting the person, but the problem.

6. Always choose to forgive, to love and to not be selfish

  • Choosing to forgive and to love always, is not easy.  Yet, when done often, it becomes a natural habit and a natural way to respond when more challenging seasons arise. It’s easy to be selfish with our love, and to hold onto an offense. Yet, none of these things will bring good fruit within your marriage, it will only bring resentment and bitterness. Choosing to forgive and to love generously will keep your marriage strong, and will mature you in character.

7. Always support and encourage one another to dream

  • I think sometimes as we go through life, we forget to encourage one another to dream, or we may even forget to show constant support whether through verbal encouragement, or through practical hands-on helping to see each others dreams come to pass. My husband and I constantly talk about our different dreams, and we are so determined to seeing those dreams come alive.

Marriage = an adventure full of surprises

Marriage isn’t perfect, it’s a gift. Marriage will have its ups and downs, but mostly ups. Marriage requires two very imperfect people wanting to make their marriage thrive and grow. Marriage is selfless, and always wanting to serve the other as best as possible. Marriage is wanting to see your spouse grow into their full potential. Truth be told, as much as we would like to be prepared for marriage, we often aren’t, and that’s okay.

Marriage is one fun unpredictable adventure! 🙂

When you feel like you’re on the outside looking in

Cassan Ferguson
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When you feel like you’re on the outside looking in

Sometimes we go through seasons where we feel like we aren’t quite connecting with others. Maybe we feel unnoticed, or a bit invisible and disconnected. Often, we then retract and watch on the sidelines, not really participating and being apart of it all. Whilst we sit on the outskirts we can’t help but notice how everyone seems to be having a good time, laughing, and connecting together. In those times of window shopping through life you can’t help but feel excluded, like you’re not quite making the cut.

Have any of you ever felt like? I know I have, and it is such a lie!

Lies of the enemy

Recently, I went through a very short, rather abrupt season where I felt like I wasn’t connecting with anyone. I felt disconnected, excluded, and not welcomed. However, those were my insecurities and irrational fears playing silly tricks on me. My fractured thoughts were causing me to feel insecure, lonely and invisible. I felt so hurt and vulnerable in this mini season, that I called out to God in frustration and said: “What is going on? Why am I thinking these thoughts? Are these thoughts true or false?”

Of course, I knew that it wasn’t true, and even if it was, it actually didn’t really matter – because I shouldn’t find my confidence in those areas. My confidence comes from knowing who I am in God, and who He has called me to be. If God loves me – flaws and all – then the right people will too, and that matters! The enemy (the devil)  wants us to believe otherwise, he wants us to constantly doubt ourselves and he wants us to feel lonely, disjointed, and broken. He thrives on our brokenness. Knowing that is enough motivation for me to push through those lies until I find my truth in what God says about me. That is where our freedom lies, in God’s truth. Get to know God’s truth, by reading the bible, and by praying and talking things through with Him daily. Your confidence and identity comes from knowing how loved you are by Him.

Be different – Be you
  • Even if you don’t fit in – see that as a good thing – that means you are different and unique. Why waste time trying to fit in, when you can just be you, and have even more fun doing so. Find your confidence and identity in God, and celebrate it – do not shy away or hide who you are.
Invest in healthy friendships
  • If you feel insecure, like you are invisible, and not worthy of connecting with others – then may I remind you that are not meant to do life alone. Find those special people who get you and love you, and invest in those friendships. Friends keep us accountable, and encourage us through the different seasons of life. We are not meant to live life feeling lonely and miserable.
Be inclusive
  • If you feel excluded by others – then use that as a motivation to make others, who may feel new, disconnected, or excluded, feel like they belong and like they are visible and cared for!
  • Sometimes people form cliques without realizing it, and somehow forget to be inclusive. Instead of taking it personally, rather become more aware of others who may feel excluded and make them feel included.

Step into the light

Don’t let the enemy force you to shy away from taking part in life. You are worthy of friendships, and you are most certainly worthy of being noticed, loved, and cared for by others. Start to see yourself the way God sees you: as dearly loved, beautifully made and although flawed, still a masterpiece in the making. Don’t hide in the darkness out of fear, rather step into the light, and be a light to others!

7 Practical tips for supporting someone you love with anxiety

Cassan Ferguson
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7 Practical tips for supporting someone you love with anxiety

Many suffer from different types of anxiety disorders. Some are seasonal anxiety brought on by stress, whereas some have generalized anxiety that is manageable, but never really goes away. Whilst others suffer from profound anxiety attacks, or experience anxiety in social situations.

Anxiety is known as a mental health disorder, and those that suffer from anxiety often find themselves worrying compulsively, and feeling hopeless and overwhelmed by irrational fears. Not only does it affect them on a mental scale, it manifests in their bodies too, causing them to feel: short of breath, nauseous, feeling dizzy, chest pain, headaches, muscle tension, insomnia, and heart palpitations.

Now, obviously someone who lives with anxiety needs to know how to manage it as effectively as possible, as a means of feeling empowered. This could mean seeking professional help from a specialist that can help to diagnose the exact anxiety disorder, through to guiding and encouraging them with practical tips that will help them to feel empowered.

Dating or being married to someone who suffers from any mental illness needs constant and stable support from those closest to them. This can feel like a daunting task, that often leaves the partner feeling helpless as they watch their partners suffer silently.

As, someone who struggles with ongoing anxiety, my husband and I had to learn how to embrace this as a couple together. That meant that we both had to learn how to lean on each other, and learn how to support and encourage as a means of empowering one another. The following tips, have helped both of us, and still continue to help us move forward feeling empowered individually and as a couple.

7 practical tips to help support your partner with anxiety or any other mental illness

1  Research – and have a fair understanding of mental illnesses, as this will give you better understanding and insight on the matter.

2 Let them talk it through with you – without answering, interrupting or dishing out possible problem solving solutions.

3  Don’t judge – or patronise what they are voicing as a concern or cause for their anxiety – instead encourage and empathise with them by acknowledging what they are feeling.

4  Ask them how you can help them – maybe they want you to just listen, or to encourage them, or just to hug them. Let them voice what they need from you, and follow their lead.

5  Know when to be patient – and just listen, and when to help challenge and steer them back on track.

6 Help them plan goals or to-do lists – as that is often an overwhelming task. Helping them plan will help them to feel less stressed and anxious.

7  Pray with and for them – My favourite thing that my husband does for me when I struggle with anxiety, is when he very calmly prays with me and reminds me that God is always in control. Prayer helps me to release my anxieties to God, and it helps me to stay rooted in faith. When we pray together, I feel that in those humbling moments we are both surrendering this illness into Gods hands. As I believe that He is a God of the miraculous and with Him we can overcome all things!

Don’t put the pressure on yourself, remember that you to are a human being – you are not meant to be their psychologist, or meant to fix them. Just being there for them, whilst showing them unconditional love and support will make them feel like they are not alone, which in turn will encourage and make them feel empowered!

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