Over my last three posts I’ve been looking at core values that help build strong character in our children. I was inspired to write this series of posts by my daughter’s school. The teachers are focusing on 4 key characteristics: integrity, respect, compassion and this, the final post, is all about honesty.
Honesty is the best policy
If you ask anyone, not just parents, I’m fairly certain they would tell you that it’s important to be honest. While this is maybe a universally held belief it’s amazing how many of us find it acceptable to bend the truth from time to time and would possibly struggle to say why it’s important to value honesty. Double standards? Maybe. But the fact is honesty is a fragile thing that has many enemies to overcome.
The truth hurts
So why is it so hard to be honest sometimes? Very often an act of self-preservation holds the key to this question but it can be broken down into specific enemies that work against our desire to live honest lives.
Enemy #1 – Fear of Conflict: I don’t enjoy conflict. I’m not a fighter at all, so I completely relate to the desire to change the truth to avoid a messy, angry confrontation. Sadly employing dishonesty to resolve issues or dealing in half-truths by withholding the real problem only means that you drag out the situation and end up having to deal with much more than just the original point of conflict. The first price you pay in a conflict situation is the cheapest. The longer you leave it the higher the cost.
Enemy #2 – Fear of rejection: No one wants to be told they’ve done something badly or that they’re not wanted. Sometimes it’s easier to withhold the truth or own up to something you’ve done because you fear that you will be rejected or treated differently because of it. One of the lessons we’ve had to learn in my house is that if you blame someone else for something you’ve done, you’re going to be in more trouble for lying than you are for the thing that you did in the first place.
Enemy #3 – Fear of reality: In life there are always going to be some people who see the glass half full and others who see it half empty. Most of us are wired to either be optimistic about life or to take a slightly less rosy view of things, but when you’re so eager to put a good spin on things to make everything appear awesome the line between truth and lie becomes blurred. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be positive – I’m all for looking on the bright side – but be careful not to hide a less positive reality in the name of optimism.
Honest to goodness
Being an honest person is challenging, especially in an age when our lives are so often on show via social media and we want to always look our best. While it can feel at times that living honestly is hard work, the benefits of being a truthful person are many. Honest people have more friends, are happier, are more confident and healthier than those who are less honest. Like many things, being honest is a choice that needs to be made every time you’re confronted with the opportunity to choose the truth or a lie – the decision is completely up to you. Abraham Lincoln, the US President (also known as ‘Honest Ab’) said:
‘No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.’
Lies are stressful and need to be maintained. It’s much easier to be honest than to have to create a story to back up a lie, not to mention keeping track of whom you’ve told what version of your story to.
While lying may seem like a good idea in the beginning it can quickly become very messy. Jesus said in the New Testament that “the truth will set you free”. The truth may not always be pretty or comfortable and it may cost you something, but it ultimately leads to a place of freedom.