“It’s not you, it’s me, but maybe we can just “be friends” for now.” You’re back in the friend zone and your ex wants to be “just friends” and still have you in their life. Or maybe you are still wanting that friendship from your ex, and you want that ex to hang around. I think in an ideal world being friends with your ex could work, but in reality it’s VERY rare when that is the case. I have heard of couples breaking up and having a very mutual platonic friendship, and it’s never blurred any lines and has remained healthy. But in general it’s not always possible, as it blurs way too many lines and hurts people in the long run.
ASK YOURSELF
Why do I still want to hold onto them? Are my intentions pure when it comes to holding onto them?
- Sometimes, without realizing it we love the friendship of an ex. We love the way they make us feel, maybe it’s comfortable and familiar to us, so we keep them close by. Maybe having them around keeps our ego satisfied. Dig deep and ask yourself if your intentions with your ex are pure and if they ultimately show love and respect towards them and towards yourself.
By me holding onto them, am I stopping them from healing emotionally and stopping them from moving on?
- When we try to hold onto our ex’s, we are actually stopping them from emotionally moving on. As they may hold onto the idea that the friendship is sign of hope. Therefore, they will keep their heart open for you, and hold onto a “what if” we get back together fantasy. This isn’t fair on them, or fair on the potential new love it blocks them from, because they’re waiting around for you – when they could be meeting somebody else.
GUARD YOURS & THEIR HEART
I don’t know your situation personally, but I do know that it’s very hard to stay friends with an ex. Especially, when someone’s heart got hurt in the process. Keeping them around with broken hearts forces them to keep their wound open. Which isn’t fair on them, as it stops them from emotionally healing and moving forward.
One of my favourite bible verses says:
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23
Just as we need to be intentional about guarding our hearts, we too need to be intentional about guarding other peoples hearts. That may mean distancing yourself from an ex, and giving them time and space to heal. Doing the right thing, isn’t always easy, as it means being selfless and it means be considerate of others and their feelings. But doing the right thing for others, will help set them up for a win long term. Having that kind of maturity, love and respect for not only yourself, but for others too will ultimately shape and refine your character.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE
Or maybe you find yourself holding onto an ex and settling for their friendship, but you know deep down inside that you are waiting in limbo. You are not emotionally healing, you are not moving forward, and you are holding onto false hope – maybe it’s time to let go and be brave enough to trust that the right person is out there. Know your worth, know your value, and know that just because something did not work out with this person does not mean that you are undeserving of love. Don’t hold onto an ex out of fear, or keep them around as your “plan B.” Trust me, your special someone is out there, and you will meet them at the right time and it will be amazing!