Brothers and sisters should be the first friends we have. They’re always there, know us better than anyone else, and share the same background as we do. On the other hand they can also be the cause of jealousy and envy, and can inspire us to compete in a way no other can. Sibling rival can completely destroy peace and harmony in a household and create challenging family dynamics – but how do you guard against this conflict taking hold in your children?
Peacekeeper
When you add siblings to a family setup you also introduce the ability to draw comparisons, a person to measure against, and someone who will need a share of the affection and attention. External parties may feel the need to encourage the rivalry, but how you manage this challenge within your family will define your children’s relationship not only in childhood but as adults as well. Here are a few things that might help you defuse any conflict and foster cordial relations between your offspring.
- Don’t compare! It may seem ridiculously obvious but even innocent observations that directly compare one sibling to another can cause issues. Telling a child that they should be more like their sibling only makes them feel less, and possibly feeds feelings of resentment. Likewise telling your child they are better than their sibling leads to feelings of superiority. Neither is helpful!
- Encourage a team spirit: Remind your children that they are in this together. Encourage them to cheer each other on, celebrate each other’s victories, and show them that they can be proud of their sibling and vice versa. Where possible have them work as a team to show them how good they are as a unit.
- Being fair doesn’t mean being equal: You can’t hold an older sibling and a younger sibling to the same standard. Your oldest may be more capable so you can expect more but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to stay fair in your treatment. It’s important to make sure everyone is heard and feels considered when dealing with differences.
- Know when to step in: It’s good to let siblings settle their own differences where possible but it’s important to know when things are getting out of hand. More anger will be caused by a lack of intervention by the parents, especially if one child feels they are the victim and mom and dad did nothing.
Finding a win/win
Keeping peace between your children can feel as impossible as finding a solution to the world’s problems but as a parent it’s your job to do what you can to keep relations friendly when you can. It’s vital that each of your children know that they are all your favourites, not only because of your words but by your actions as well. Arguments and fights are a normal part of growing up but placing value on each individual will make them in turn value those around them and appreciate their own worth.