There comes a point in every relationship, where the couple has “the talk”. The talk being: are we committed to long haul, or is this for a short season, if so do we call it quits now before the other gets serious? Having “the talk” sets the tone, pace and direction for the relationship. This conversation can be nerve wrecking because it may mean answering uncomfortable questions, which could either bring you closer together, or cause you to step back, or walk away all together.
However, this discussion needs to happen at some point, therefore it’s important to pause for a moment, to reflect, and to really think of the following to know and understand where your relationship is heading.
Questions all couples need to ask themselves
1. Do we like each other as friends? Friendship is the basis and foundation of a long-lasting and loving relationship. It encourages couples to laugh and cry together, and it ultimately increases the emotional intimacy and bond between couples.
2. Are we attracted to one another? Every person is attracted to various different elements in potential partners. It could be the fact that have an amazing sense of humor, or they dress really well, or they may be romantic, gentle and well-mannered, or physically attractive. After you have discerned that you and your partner are great friends, and can go the distance, then it’s important to acknowledge all the elements that you are attracted to in one another.
3. Do we share the same faith? Aside from cultivating a loving friendship, and emotional intimacy in a relationship, it’s also important to be on the same page regarding your spiritual faith and what you believe in. Many conflicts arise when couples cannot see eye to eye when it comes to personal spiritual faith. Having similar views in faith, brings couples together, and they are able to support and encourage one another in their faith.
4. Are we heading towards marriage? When young couples get together they often don’t really focus on marriage, although there are the odd few that do. However, most young people date because it’s fun, and they know that there is no long-term commitment. But when we start to age, and we feel ready to settle down with that someone special. We want to know after a while if the person that we have been dating, could potentially be our forever partner. If not, then there is no point in wasting time, and letting something carry on that will ultimately hurt somebody else one day. If you have been dating someone for some time, and you don’t see a real long-lasting future with them, then be brave enough to respect yourself and your partner by parting ways.
5. Do we want children? This can be a really touchy topic for some, and a very personal conversation to have. It can also be the cause of relationships dissolving. If you and your partner are heading towards marriage, make sure to have this conversation. Make sure that both of you are on the same page. Also, don’t trick yourself into thinking that maybe one day your partner will change their mind about having kids, and you hold onto that glimmer of hope, only for them to disappoint you later down the line.
6. Can we see ourselves growing as individuals and as a couple together? Often couples get married and merge into one watered down version of themselves. They often refer to themselves as “we”, “we are busy, we are can’t make it because we are watching TV.” They are so focused on being one, that they forget to grow individually. Sometimes, a partner lives and breathes their partner, that their partner outgrows them and struggles to relate to them. Don’t forget that when you entered the relationship, you were a person too, with your own opinions, dreams and passions. Nurture who you are, invest in growing and then be intentional about growing together as a couple!