Gary Chapman, relationship counsellor and author of The Five Love Languages series, says we are not able to change a person, but we are able to influence them. Those we long to change are usually those we care about most or work closely with, but when enthusiasm for our strongly held values, beliefs, and ideals leads to an attempt to control, we can permanently damage the relationship.
Now that we’re halfway through 2016, how do you feel as you consider some of the goals you started the year with? Perhaps you feel despondent at not being any closer to achieving your goals, or maybe you feel deflated because you reached your goals weeks ago and you’ve now plateaued and have nothing to work towards during the second half of the year.
John Maxwell, author and speaker, suggests that rather than being goal-conscious, we should be growth-conscious. He reminds us that “leaders develop daily, not in a day”. Rather than being goal-conscious, where the primary aim is a specific destination, he urges us to be growth-conscious and focus on the journey instead. While important, rather than being overly concerned with outcomes, the growth-conscious leader is more concerned with improvement, progress, and learning the right lessons over time. Maxwell says influence and personal growth are closely intertwined, claiming that when we stop growing personally, we stop being able to effectively influence those around us – you “can’t take others to a place you’ve never been yourself”. A growth-conscious person is able to put goals into the proper perspective. “The path they’re traveling matters more to them than the place where they’re going”.
You may not be a leader in the traditional sense of the word, but we’re all leaders with a sphere of influence. As parent, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker, or CEO, you have the ability to influence a person or a group of people. The degree to which you are able to positively influence those around you is directly proportionate to your willingness to work at becoming the person you were created to be.
In 2009 and 2010, Discovery Learning, Inc. and Innovative Pathways conducted research to identify and measure styles of influencers. Here are the five styles of influence:
Asserting: You insist that your ideas are heard and you challenge the ideas of others.
Convincing: You put forward your ideas and offer logical, rational reasons to convince others of your point of view.
Negotiating: You look for compromises and make concessions to reach outcomes that satisfy your greater interest.
Bridging: You build relationships and connect with others through listening understanding and building coalitions.
Inspiring: You advocate your position and encourage others with a sense of shared purpose and exciting possibilities.
Whatever your style, your ability to influence for the good will be easier when you embrace the type of influencer you are. You may not be able to change a person or a team of people, but as you focus on your own personal growth, you will begin to influence issues, ideas, and ultimately people.