Do you ever have those days as a parent where you stop for a second and question the way you are going about this whole parenting gig? I know I do! Just the other day after dropping my son off at daycare, he looked a little sad to see me go and as I walked out of his classroom , my heart sank and I felt the question “Am I giving him the best?” weigh on me like a ton of bricks.
The day moved on and still as I was trying to finish off freelance work, I couldn’t shake that question: “Am I giving him my best?” I then went to fetch him from school and gave him the biggest hug, and told him I loved him, because I wasn’t sure in that moment if I was giving him my best. We drove home, and we chatted in the car, but I still couldn’t shake that feeling. Later that evening, after we said goodnight to our son, I sat on the couch and thought about it again. I started picking at it so that I could get to the bottom of it and try to figure out why it was bothering me so much.
Do you ever have those moments in parenting where you doubt yourself, you doubt the way you are doing things, and you feel like you are failing hopelessly at it? I know mom-guilt creeps in from time to time, and I know it’s better to shake it off and move forward from it. But there are some days where a thought lingers for a bit longer, and it starts to affect our emotions, which in turn can influence our behaviour.
Back to the couch… I sat there and I quietly said to God :
” God, am I doing the right things for my son?
Am I being a good mom, and making the right decisions for him? Because I am not so sure if I am. What do you think, Lord?”
Now, this may sound strange. Why would I ask God regarding my parenting skills? Because to me, He is my dad. He knows me better than anyone, therefore His opinion of me and my circumstances will mean the most to me. God, however, did not answer me right away; instead, He started speaking to me in little moments throughout the next few days whilst I was with my son. This is what He said:
You are the right mom for your son.
The truth is, God knew well in advance who our children would be and He knew exactly what kind of parents were needed to raise them! So there is no need to doubt ourselves, or feel like we are falling short ; there is no need to feel like the love we provide for our children is not good enough.
The truth is, we can try and be the best version of ourselves , and give the best of who we are and what we have to our children, but we do not need to be perfect. If anything, we need to understand that parenting is like a roller coaster: it has its highs and it has its lows. We need to understand when it’s a high moment, and when it’s a low moment, and see it for what it is.
The truth is, our love for our children is way more important than material things. I’ve come to realize that, as I am a gift person. I love giving gifts and I love blessing others, but if I feel that my budget is a bit tight, I feel like I am not providing the best for my family. However, I know that my son knows that I love him regardless of tight budgets. Because I see it in his eyes, I see it when his face beams after I encourage him, or after we’ve played games together, laughed together, or read books together. I know without a doubt that he feels loved, which makes him feel secure, which in turn makes him feel confident. Therefore I am giving him my best. Therefore I am the right mom for him!
Sometimes we need to stop focusing on the areas where we think we are falling short, and look at the moments where we are doing great. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our thoughts, that it actually keeps us from being more present with our children. Sometimes we need to look at the smaller things that actually mean the most to our children: reading to them, laughing with them, watching a movie with them, acknowledging their achievements, consoling them when they feel sad or scared. Those little moments with our children are actually sacred moments. They are moments that shape their personalities, that instill a sense of value, that encourage confidence and, most importantly, make them feel loved.
I do not believe that God wants us to doubt ourselves and what we bring to our family members! I believe God wants us to love our families with a sense of boldness and with passion. God does not doubt you for a second, He is there for you to help you, to guide you, and to refresh you as you go about parenting your little people!