“I want to be validated”….”I want to be appreciated”…. “I want to be loved” – these are some of the words we use as women whenever we get together. I often ponder over these statements when I am alone. I try to understand why so much need for validation? Why the need to be loved? Is the love we get from the most High God not enough?

Women are born nurturers; we are warm and giving – and so giving that we most often end up giving so much of ourselves that we have nothing left for ourselves; hence the yearning to be loved and appreciated. The disheartening thing is that not everyone will show gratitude towards your actions, not everyone is going to say thank you and be forever grateful for your acts of kindness. So, you need to find a coping mechanism, your acts of selflessness have to go together with time for yourself, time to introspect.

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I am not by any means, saying stop being a nurturing, loving woman, and give all that love you have to yourself. All that is required is a healthy balance to ensure that when you give and perform your acts of kindness, they are not performed from a bitter or regretful heart. It must come from a place of peace and joy without expecting anything in return. Don’t perform an act of kindness if you’re only doing it to compete with your friends, or to gain favor in your community .That will leave you empty and sad; You can only give what you have. Unless you are filled with self-love, loving others becomes a challenge.

Happiness starts from within – when you are happy with yourself, others will feed off that happiness. Before you show appreciation – first make sure you appreciate yourself, before you give LOVE….show love for yourself.  The time of being Jane of all trades is over….it’s time to be real with ourselves, ladies. Do your best and ensure your garden is fully watered and maintained, before you start watering other gardens.

Yes, as women, there are many roles we are expected to fill in society but there is nothing wrong with taking time off from all those duties and taking care of self to ensure that those roles are fulfilled without any loopholes and feelings of discontent. Whatever position you are in shouldn’t define you – instead, you should give it meaning by being confident and comfortable in who you are!



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