Do your friends know how you feel about them?
Tomorrow, the 15th of November 2016, it will be exactly a year since my best mate, Rob Lloyd, died.
At 33 years of age, he was taken early by the beast that cancer was. That it is.
I remember a moment we shared in the hospital, just him and me, about a week or two before he died, where we took the time to say some stuff. That had to be one of the hardest moments of my life because it is acknowledging the worst possible outcome. But far better than missing out on it completely, he said some stuff, I said some stuff, and it was just between him and me. And it was so so special.
WE DON’T ALWAYS GET WARNINGS
When I was in my last year at high school, my friend Matthew Beamish went for a cycle on the night of his 18th birthday. He was knocked over by a drunk driver and he died. Completely out of the blue, no time for anyone to have any last-minute conversations. A whole lot of people stood up at his funeral and said a bunch of stuff, but as far as Matt was concerned, it was all a little late. Especially because his life had had a huge impact on so many people, but the majority of them only realised it after he was gone.
But Rob battled with cancer for a couple of years. So while we never wanted to face the possibility that it would be terminal, we still had many opportunities to let him know how much we loved him.
I miss Rob far more than I ever thought I would. Because as much as he meant to me, I tend to be someone who moves on, who lives in the now, who doesn’t dwell much on the past. But I think about Rob pretty much every single day. (I never believed people who lost someone who said that, but now I really know it to be true).
TELL THOSE AROUND YOU
For the first few years of our marriage I would joke with my wife Val about things I wanted at my funeral. Some of them were really silly things that were more a case of me wanting to be a little controversial now that I was no longer there. But some of them were things I really wanted to see.
So on my 40th birthday, she hosted a party for me and filled it with a bunch of things I had asked for at my funeral. The best of those was three of my good friends, including Rob, performing a slightly changed version of Mumford’s ‘Hopeless Wanderer’ (one of my favourite songs). I watched the video of that performance again this morning to remind me of the life and fun and amazingness of my best mate.
But the other highlight was some of my favourite people taking moments to tell stories about me and remind me publicly of reasons they really, really like me. I was completely moved to tears on a number of occasions.
DON’T WAIT TIL IT’S TOO LATE
Firepools, Brexit and now Donald Trump as president of America. The world certainly seems to have gone a little bit mad in the last few years and there is not a lot of certainty as to where to from here. But maybe those things can help give us the push we need in terms of making the most of the opportunities we have with the people we love.
But above all, I want this to be a reminder to you to find ways to tell the people who are important to you that you love them and why. With Christmas just around the corner, one way of saving money on gifts is by writing letters to people, creating a card, making a short video – telling someone you think they are special. I know that I would appreciate that kind of thing more than any gift you could spend money on.
Even as you read this though, stop and pause and think of three people who you really care about but haven’t told lately. Grab your phone and just send them, even just a one liner, via text of Whatsapp saying, “You are important to me because…”
Don’t wait until you’re standing at someone’s funeral to say the words they could really use hearing today.