The Oxford dictionary defines the word ‘boundary’ as meaning:
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A line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line
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(Often boundaries) A limit of something abstract, especially a subject or sphere of activity
In other words, a boundary is about defining a space, setting a limit and drawing a line. When it comes to a boundary in relationships it is no different. Regardless of the type of relationship (for example, a friend, work colleague, parent or acquaintance) it is important to have clear boundaries so that the parties involved know what is and isn’t acceptable. If you don’t have healthy boundaries in life things get messy. Without boundaries, there are no limits and nothing to tell the people who you are interacting with who you are and how they should be treating you.
Wide-open spaces
While it may sound wonderful to be without limits or restrain in your relationships, the truth is that when there are no lines drawn you may end up being exposed and vulnerable. Someone without healthy boundaries is at risk of being controlled or manipulated by others, over-committing themselves in order to people-please, suffer from feelings of guilt or anxiety and find their relationships are mostly difficult and prone to drama. Being able to define your limits and communicate them to those around you, sets the tone for how you wish to be treated. It also speaks about the value you place on your self.
Stake your claim
Putting boundaries in place may feel like a monumental task, especially if it’s a new concept to you and you are worried about upsetting those around you. Fortunately there are a few steps that you can take that may help you on that journey.
Know your limits
It’s very difficult for someone else to successfully interact with you and keep to the appropriate spaces if you yourself don’t know what those spaces are. You need to find out how you feel about the way people treat you. Analyse what’s important to you. Know what you value and what really makes you crazy. Having this information will help you to know what’s okay and what areas are ‘no-go’ zones.
Be clear
As with just about any aspect of relationships, communication of your boundaries is key. It’s no good having a boundary but keeping it to yourself and then being offended when someone over steps the mark. Don’t be afraid to speak out and make your feelings heard. Knowing where you stand will help both parties and hopefully avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
Learn to be flexible
Boundaries are good things but if they are set in stone they can becomes walls that isolate us from others. Just because you know your boundaries doesn’t mean that you have to say no to every request that doesn’t adhere to your ideals. Remember feelings and circumstances change and develop over time and your boundaries should also adapt when necessary.