I’m a self-confessed die-hard romantic. You wouldn’t always know because I can also be quite cynical and sarcastic, but at the bottom of all of that disillusion is a foundational belief in the ability to fall in love and remain in love.

Happily ever after. Like the fairy tales. But also, not like the fairy tales.

Many people believe that love is a fleeting thing. It’s a crush and then it’s gone. I think this is a one-dimensional look at relationships and I do know people who are still as in love 20 years later as they were the day they met and started dating. How does this happen? And is it possible?

What’s the real issue?

The real issue with a “lack of love” in a relationship is not because of time. It could be because of a lack of compatibility or a change in either of the parties’ lives. Mostly, it’s because people start to take each other for granted. They assume that the person on the other side will always be there. They won’t. And they especially won’t if you start to presume that they feel appreciated and loved when you don’t put the time into it.

Keep getting better at loving each other

We shouldn’t look at loving someone as a once off job. You can never ever get too good at loving another person. You will never be perfect at it and you can always learn. If you keep on looking at life as though the easy part is done and now you know it all and can slack off you are missing out in the beautiful intimacy that comes with knowing and being known.

Keep growing as a person

Relationships become boring when the people involved stop growing. A growing person is always interesting, intriguing and this makes for an interesting relationship. Why don’t you take a look at your life and ask yourself how you are doing on the personal growth spectrum? There is always lots and lots of areas to grow in. Get at it and become a better you than last year’s you.

Make it fun

Relationships require investment. If your relationship has become boring then perhaps it’s because you are no longer putting in the time to make it fun. Anything in life requires constant work to keep it fresh and fabulous. Don’t let things get boring. Make a stand. Phone up your partner and plan a surprise night out. Treat them to a something special. What you put in, you will get out so make sure you put the time in.

Communicate through issues

Lots of times relationships get strained and tense when important issues have not been worked through. Then they start to lag and it is difficult to get back to the place where it was in the beginning. Working through issues can make your relationship stronger, not weaker and it’s an important thing to keep at if you want the passion and health of your relationship to remain high. You can never over communicate. If you are no longer feeling very excited about the person on the other side, you may consider initiating a real conversation.

People remain passionate about hobbies their whole lives. They remain close friends with many people and they are able to sustain working relations their whole life. I see no reason as to why a romantic relationship should be any different. The love may feel less intense, but in the absence of intensity, it will deepen to a beautiful friendship. Take back ‘the magic will die’ mentality and let’s replace it with ‘the magic will change its hue’.

God never stops loving us and He has placed within us a huge capacity for love and care.