Dear new mom,
IT’S OKAY!
Sincerely,
Another mom.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to feel like you’re drowning, It’s okay to feel like you may just be a bit out of your depth. And It’s okay to feel a bit down due to lack of sleep. It’s okay to feel like adjusting to this new season is a bit tricky. It’s okay to feel like you have no idea what you are doing! It’s okay, first-time mom, and it is so normal to feel those things!
I read this quote the other day and it made me giggle:
The best advice I received as a new mom was this:
No one else knows what they are doing either.
First-time moms often feel a subconscious pressure to get it right from the get-go. Even though we have never done it before (parenting, that is) we somehow feel like we should get it right and adjust to the new season of motherhood with the flip of a switch. Maybe for some first time moms that is the case, and well done to you I say. But not everyone is like that, and that is also okay!
The thing about entering motherhood as a first-time mom is that no matter how many books we read, and how many tips we receive from schooled moms, there is nothing quite like entering this new season for yourself. You can’t really anticipate how you will respond to your newborn, or how you will embrace the changes that come with a cute baby. You have to be open and aware of taking on every day, day by day.
Each day may look different. Maybe one day your newborn sleeps, eats, and burps easily; but the next day they are tense and and not wanting to sleep at all. Parenting can be very unpredictable and full of surprises, yet if we have the right mindset it can be something that we enjoy even when it feels tough.
NEW MOM SURVIVAL GUIDE
1. Remember it’s okay: As I said earlier in this post, when you come to a place of embracing the day-to-day, you become more emotionally aware of where you are at. This will take the pressure off of yourself, and you will feel more relaxed and confident whilst going through this unknown territory. Some days will be good days, others will be a little bit more challenging – and that is okay!
2. Do what feels right for you: In a new season like this, we often doubt whether what we are doing is right: “Am I burping my baby properly? Did I feed them enough? Can I start formula sooner rather than later? Should I be a stay-at-home mom or be a working mom?” We end up going back and forth sifting through our doubts, and we end up feeling like the decisions we need to make for our families are not good enough. However, we must not forget that each and every family is unique, and what works for one family may not work for the next family. Do what feels right for you, not what everyone else is doing or says you should or shouldn’t do. Go with your internal mom gut – after all, you will sense what feels right for your family! Trust yourself in this season!
3. Encourage your partner: Sleep deprivation, along with embracing the changes of parenting, makes us feel a bit emotionally vulnerable during this time. Be mindful to look for little moments to encourage one another and build each other’s confidence. Maybe you could note when your husband changes a poop diaper, or encourage your wife when she has to burp or bath your baby. Little compliments can add so much courage and confidence to a new parent!
4. Don’t keep it all in: The first few weeks can feel like an emotional roller-coaster. Some moms experience postnatal depression, while others struggle with anxiety. Be aware of what you are feeling: by that I mean if you feel teary most of the time, or if you feel disconnected emotionally, make sure that your husband knows, and people that you trust know. This enables them to encourage you, help you, and pray for you. We often don’t want to be a burden on anyone, and we suffer in silence alone. Just know that you are not a burden, and know that you are not failing as a mom – and know that it’s normal and okay to lean on loved ones during this time!
5. Get out of the house: I remember feeling so trapped in my house in those early newborn days with my son. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, especially when it was just my son and I. I would go on mini adventures with him to coffee shops, or for little pram walks. Sometimes we underestimate how the change of scenery can lift our spirits, and make us feel a bit more human again! Don’t be afraid to leave the house!
6. Take it easy: Sometimes we think we need to get back into our old lives and move at a fast pace as soon as possible, when actually we need to slow down, let our bodies heal, let our hearts catch up with our minds, and rest when we can. We tend to put pressure on ourselves to maintain everything at a high standard, when in actual fact in those very early days our number one priority is making sure that our newborns feel loved, well fed and secure in their environment. This means taking care of ourselves too.
7 . Join a mom and babes group: Surrounding yourself with moms in a similar season are great for for a few reasons: You get to go out together, and have an adult conversation whilst your newborn is with you. You will also feel a sense of sisterhood in having a group that is surrounding you and uplifting you during this new season.
8. Celebrate the little moments: In the beginning you may feel like you are just feeding, burping, changing diapers, washing clothes, and putting baby to sleep every few hours in a non-stop cycle. That kind of routine does get quite tiresome, and tiredness can lead to moodiness. Let’s be honest! Try to look for little moments with your newborn baby where you celebrate them.
9. Don’t let people’s opinions shake your confidence: Some people (mainly moms) will feel the need to teach you everything they know, and will offer you their opinion disguised as advice without you even asking for it. Sometimes they may say things that shake your confidence, and it may cause you to doubt yourself. Do not let anyone shake your confidence in the decisions you choose to make that is best suited your family. Learn to filter through it with a smile on your face!
10. Lean on God, always: When my son had colic, it was one of the hardest seasons I had ever gone through. I felt overwhelmed and low-spirited, and most days I would cry whilst rocking Malakai in my arms. There were moments where it felt so hard that all I could do was play worship music and pray to God with tears in my eyes. Every time I would feel His peace comfort me. In those moments with Him in His presence, I would feel Him strengthen me and encourage me! One of the best places to be is in His presence, especially when we feel emotionally out of control and weak. In those moments with Him we end up feeling strong and courageous!
Dear new mom, just know that you’ve got this and that everything is going to be okay! I’m cheering you on as you enter and embrace this new season!