Good self-esteem is a vital part of becoming a balanced and rounded individual. How we view ourselves has an impact on our confidence levels, the respect we demand from those around us, and our ability to accept love and to make decisions. A person who has a positive self-image knows how to treat others well and doesn’t need to belittle their peers in order to feel good about themselves. It’s good to be able to say you like who you are, but is it possible to like yourself too much?
Too much of a good thing
You don’t have to look very far to see that society as a whole has become, shall we say, a little self-obsessed. Those of us who were born in the 1980s and 1990s have been dubbed Generation Me and a study conducted by academic Keith Campbell in 2008 recorded that the self-esteem of one in five college students in the US registered the highest score on the scale. There has been a rise in narcissistic tendencies in recent years. These include:
- Being strongly adverse to criticism
- A marked sense of entitlement
- Turn each conversation back to themselves
- Lack of empathy
- Highly concerned by appearance
- A desire to get ahead and self-promote
- Arrogance
Who’s to blame?
Back in 2006 the general public were given access to something called Facebook. Since then social media has ballooned and today we have multiple opportunities to share the daily details of our lives with as many people as we choose to include on our friend list. It’s not all bad, but the need to look perfectly polished and have something of interest to share with the world at a moment’s notice is no longer just a requirement of those paid to live in the limelight. It has to be said that, while researchers have shown that those who have more friends, post frequent status updates, and regularly share selfies also display the most narcissistic tendencies, social media encourages the narcissism that is becoming so common, instead of being the primary cause.
Can you ‘keep up’?
Narcissism or an inflated opinion of your own worth has also been attached to reality television. A recent survey revealed that there is a connection between the narcissistic tendencies exhibited by an individual and the amount of reality TV they watch on a regular basis. It was unclear whether vain and self-absorbed individuals were drawn to programmes that showed celebrated characteristics or if shows centred on lives of celebrities merely normalised this behaviour and made it acceptable.
It’s all an illusion
At the root of all narcissistic behaviour is the belief that you are extraordinary. We all want to be unique and special, but take that desire too far and the ultimate outcome will be disappointment. Most of us, while being wonderful and amazing, are pretty much the same as the next person. The trouble is sooner or later most self-obsessed individuals will realise that they are the same as everybody else and the rules that apply to the rest of the world actually apply to them as well.
Having your cake and eating it
One of the strangest phenomena about this epidemic of over-pronounced self-regard was reported on in a recent Daily Mail article. The newspaper posted a series of comments by philosophers, authors and religious thinkers regarding the rise of atheism in the United Kingdom and the seemingly contradictory rise in the belief in the afterlife.
Author A.N Wilson commented: “… belief in an afterlife is consoling to those narcissists who cannot imagine a future which does not contain them —preferably for all eternity.
Once this is appreciated, you will understand why the ‘me culture’ would wish to discard all the difficult bits of religion but hold onto the prize at the end. We do not wish to deny our carnal appetites, or to curb our selfishness, but that is not going to stand in the way of our insisting that we will live for ever.”
It’s an extreme stance to take, but when self-obsession gets out of control, why shouldn’t the sense of entitlement extend to an eternity in heaven? But just as with any other narcissistic trait this can only lead to disappointment. The Bible makes it clear that the only way to heaven is through a relationship with Jesus.
How bad can it be?
The effect of the rise in narcissistic characteristics, beyond far too many selfies on your instagram feed, will most obviously be felt in the area of our relationships. Individuals who display a bent towards over-appreciation of themselves tend to care less about those around them, find it hard to open up to others, like to do everything themselves, and control their relationships. The irony of too much self-love is that it can make receiving love from anyone else very hard. An over-inflated opinion of yourself will only ever lead to unmet expectations and disappointment.