Recently, I’ve found myself surrounded by a great army of amazing women, each of them uniquely different.
One thing has stuck out for me: the fact that they are all constant. Not only constant in showing up, but constant in character. They’ve been adding value to my life, and to the lives of others around them. I don’t think girls realize the impact they have on one another. One thing I know for a fact, though: these girls have brought out colours in me that I didn’t even know I had. Over time, they have become more than friends: they have become sisters. Yes, we are different, but it’s our differences that keep us together!
About a week ago, I found myself looking at a picture of me and some girls in my life. We were all laughing, trying to say a word that would make us all pout in the photo. I showed a good friend of mine the photo, to which he responded that this is what true friendship looks like.
Yes, that picture represented a great moment in our friendship. But in real life, things don’t always run that smoothly. People make mistakes. They fail. Friends disappoint. Friendship isn’t always about picture perfect moments.
What is your friendship based on?
A year ago, I found myself facing this very reality.
My best friend and I had a disagreement that was not in either of our control. I knew that my words and actions would affect her, so I drew back from the situation. However, I found that even though there was hurt initially, our friendship could survive. In the end, we managed to overcome this problem because of one simple reason: Our friendship wasn’t based simply on respect or mutual interest. Our friendship was founded on the one characteristic that is more important than all others: love.
The Bible (in 1 John 4:7) says something really interesting: “Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”
And that, quite simply, is why our relationship survived. Not because of some secret friendship formula. But because our love for each other is modeled on the love God has shown us individually. The love we have for each other is rooted in the fact that a loving God accepted us in the first place. In the light of that, there is just no way we can hold a grudge against one another. He set the example of unconditional love. Today I laugh with her and share in her victories. Our relationship has been fully restored. And it’s all because of that foundation of love it was built on.
How do I befriend a friend again?
No one ever wants to admit that what they have done to someone could have potentially damaged a friendship. But I believe that an earnest “sorry” goes a long way. While it may not make up for lost time with that friend, it’s the beginning of a healing process. I found that sometimes all you need to do is sit down with that friend over a good meal, or a fond memory, to realize that a friendship is worth its weight in gold.
Above all: honesty
It’s tempting to begin to beat around the bush when it comes to issues with friends. Sometimes, in trying not to hurt someone, we end up not addressing an important issue that could potentially wreck a friendship. In the long run, however, honesty is always best. Is something bugging you? Communicate it! If your friendship is founded on the kind of love I’ve been talking about, talking about potential issues directly won’t wreck things – it will only strengthen your friendship!
In the end, it’s worth fighting for a good friendship. My friends are everything to me and so much more. They have taught me lessons that I could not have learnt from anyone else. They’ve allowed me to look within myself and find my worth. They have allowed me to be their friend, even though I haven’t always been the friendliest person. They’ve shown me a glimpse of who God is, just by being loving friends.