Dating and marriage for the most part is fun, exciting, and it’s a full on adventure in every sense of the word with your significant other – your partner in crime. Some people say that the early stages of dating and the first year of marriage is all about that “honeymoon feeling”, as everything is new, fresh, fun, exciting, romantic, and ever so sweet. Then the “not so nice” trying seasons appear and it can sometimes either make or break a relationship. Winter seasons can bring couples together, or it can cause them to drift to apart.
Some people like the idea of being in a relationship and being married, but when it comes to putting in the work – they would rather leave it all together and look for something easy, and bounce in and out of relationships when things get tough, because it’s easier and it’s “fun”.
LOVE & MARRIAGE
I have been married for almost nine years (still early days I know), and have been together with my husband (dating included) for almost eleven years. Our relationship has grown from season to season. We had to face harsh realities about ourselves, and had to overcome some hurdles and challenges along the way. Despite it all; the good and the bad, we still consciously choose one another and we choose to fight for our love together (not with each other) We tackle the challenges together side by side, and we end up being better for it.
My husband is my best friend, he is my soul mate, my lover, and he is the most amazing father to our son. We have had to embrace change and personal growth over the years, and we had to learn to adjust, compromise and most importantly we had to learn to grow together, and to grow in love. Being married isn’t always butterflies and roses, there won’t always be that exciting “honeymoon” feeling. It’s a constant intentional choosing to fall in love, and to stay in love with that person.
- Will dating and marriage fulfill an internal issue?
NO
- Will dating and marriage fix you?
NO
- Will dating and marriage fill a void in you?
NO
FANTASY VS REALITY
Sometimes we enter relationships with certain expectations. We expect the relationship to always be perfect, and to always be fine. We may even expect it to fix and resolve all of our personal problems. We end up placing a lot of pressure on our partners, and start to blame them for our issues. You can’t enter a relationship expecting it to fix internal issues. Yes, you can face issues together and overcome it together. But we can’t hold onto the fantasy that dating and marriage will complete and fix us, without wanting to put the work in ourselves.
Just know that the idea of being in a relationship is very different to actually being in one that is healthy, growing and flourishing. Being in a relationship or being married means a constant choosing to love one another, to encourage one another, to grow together, to inspire one another to be the best possible version of themselves. AND, a big resounding YES to it being fun!
My question to you today is this:
- Do you love the idea of being in love or are you longing for a deeper, more intimate love that grows and brings the best out of you and that special person?
Relationships should be able to go the distance, and go the distance well. Therefore, when deciding to enter a relationship always do a heart check to see if you are able and willing to be all in with that person.