Walking down the road the other day, I became very emotional. It was completely out the blue. What was going on with me? I knew I hadn’t been myself for the last few months, but this sudden outburst of emotion caught me totally off guard.
Many who have read my previous posts may know what I went through in 2014. I will recap quickly to give you a quick idea. My wife lost a baby and ended up getting septicemia and very nearly died herself. I had been strong throughout the entire thing, not only for her but also for our two sons. My faith was severely tested and I had decided that I would not allow this whole drama to derail me.
Fast forward two years, and I find that I am an angry, short-tempered husband and father. I find that I am a stressed out mess most of the time and I find that the smallest thing can set me off into a rage. On top of those negative emotions, I also find that I am super sensitive and the silliest heart-felt thing can set off the water works in my eyes. I can go from rage to tears in a matter of minutes. A roller coaster of emotion. It’s not really a very healthy place to be, after all, screaming at my children one moment and then crying out of regret and love for them the next can never be a sign of a healthy soul.
Well, back to my walk – This day, while walking down the road, I do not know what triggered my emotional outburst. Maybe I had a thought flash through my mind of the 2014 experience. Maybe I wished I could stop being so unpredictable with regards to my emotions and regret overcame me like a tidal wave. Whatever it was, the experience left me a bit concerned. Nevertheless, there I was, on the sidewalk, crying like a little scared child, wondering to myself what the hell was happening to me.
When I chatted to my wife about what happened to me that day while out walking, we came to realise that I had not really dealt with all that I had experienced back in 2014. I had not mourned properly, and I had not gone through the healing process either. I was stuck in the anger stage. I knew that I would have to go back to that moment in my mind, and deal with some very old feelings. Feelings I believed were already sorted out, feelings I thought were dead and buried.
Every area of my life had been affected by my lack of healing. My work life, family life and spiritual life. I started to back out of church more and more. My trust in God was worn down to a feeble thread and with every fresh knock, that thread had snapped. Luckily for me I have an incredibly supportive and loving wife. She got me to give God another chance and I decided that I would.
I received a clear message three weeks ago that made me realise that God had never left my side. I allowed myself to fall into despair and distrust by not allowing myself to completely heal.
I want to tell you now that whatever you have gone through and no matter how broken you feel, God is right there waiting for you to call on Him. Another important thing is that we all need to sufficiently deal with whatever trauma we may have gone through because without going through the proper healing process, we will always end up falling regardless if it’s a week later or three years later. If we haven’t allowed ourselves to heal properly, it will come back to bite us.
When we go through a traumatic experience, these are the stages we go through in the healing process.
It begins with Shock/disbelief and moves to Pleading/denial. Once the reality sets in that this has in fact happened we move to Anger and from there we move on to Sadness and finally we come to Acceptance and Forgiveness.
If you feel stuck, I encourage you to click on the link below or the pop-up window and get in touch with us. We’d love to help get you on the right track.
Your life will never be the same again.