Have you ever felt dead?
I don’t mean physically… but emotionally? Spiritually? Ever felt numbed to the world around you? In the throws of disappointment or resurging anger, there can be moments where you lose all sense of life.
I have been there. I lived “dead” for many years. I was dead in confusion about my sexuality and identity. I lived dead in the guilt of my past and the shame of addiction. I lived buried – far away from people and what they could possibly do to me. I lived burdened with dormant anger that was eating away at me from the inside out.
As a child I was abused and bullied. People around me wouldn’t have been able to say I was struggling. I did my best to make sure no one knew how much darkness I experienced every day.
But one day, alone in the lounge of a stranger’s house, I came alive again. That day I felt a freedom that I had honestly never felt before. After years of suffocating in pain, it felt like I could breathe for the first time. I could recognise life and see it in others. I could start to consider valuing myself as much as the people around me. I started to believe that I would not have to be paralysed by fear for the rest of my life.
That day, Jesus found me and I chose to respond. I went from the closest thing to a zombie – walking but dead – to someone who believed in himself because God believed in him. The concept still baffles me today. But after twelve years of living revived, I can tell you that that moment has changed and continues to shape my life.
In one moment you go from trying to control every part of your life to seeing a much bigger plan than the immediate issues. All my guilt was all of a sudden invalid and whatever I chose to do, I knew I had someone in my corner – someone who knew what life was way more than anyone else would.
All of a sudden sin was not the defining factor of my life. All it became was something that made me dead. And after experiencing life, there is nothing more you want than to keep living.
When Jesus walked the earth, He raised people from the dead – both the rich and the poor, young and old, those close to Him and strangers. Then He Himself died – so that He could bring us back to life. The only way we could ever come back to a life full and whole was for Him to come find us in death. Three days later, He came back to life – pulling us with Him. All we have to do is acknowledge and embrace what He has done. Everyone knows Jesus was crucified, but it was His resurrection that holds the greatest weight. Because He experienced the death we find ourselves in – and rose so that we could do the same.
I don’t know if you have experienced this revival… You may have encountered religion or God in some context, but haven’t found life. However a relationship has been portrayed to you before, one thing I want to make sure you know is that God is only interested in you living to the fullest. Death and guilt are not part of his intention. I will never be the same because of this life He gave me. I pray you also find it – and respond when you encounter Jesus.