What are you doing sending text messages at 2 am?” My friend texted me.
“My brain is running,” I said. “I keep on waking up at 2 am and then I can’t get back to sleep.”
Usually, when I’m awake-awake at 2 am I send messages. Why? Because a taunting voice in the back of my head says if you don’t do this now then you will forget and another week will go by without you fixing this situation.
This is one of the things that keep me up at 2 am.
Somehow, when the world is quiet, and all you have is you in your bed, questions have a way of jumping at you and things have a horrible way of seeming far bigger than they actually are. Are you plagued with thoughts when you lie in bed at night? Do you worry about things when you really should be sleeping?
Often our fears creep up on us in the vulnerable moments when we are supposed to be resting. They tease us with their size and taunt us with their realness. But they aren’t as powerful as they feel and it’s important to know that they are often irrational.
I’ll be alone forever
This is one of my biggest fears. I’m afraid I’ll be alone forever. Nobody will be there when I come home from a stressful day at work. Nobody will tell me it’s going to be okay. Nobody will have my back when things get difficult. I’ll die alone without anyone even noticing.
This fear is irrational. First of all I’m not alone at the moment, I have a lovely family, a great team of work colleagues, I attend a phenomenal church and I have more friends than I know what to do with. I’m not alone. Also, it is highly unlikely that this combination is all going to evaporate in the next 40 years. Even if you don’t have a significant other, then you will still have community and people around you who care about your well-being.
Did I send that email?
I sometimes struggle to leave work at work. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I’m always thinking, always planning and something is going to get lost between the cracks and I’ll end up fired. Sleeping on the streets because I have no money. Ashamed. Poverty stricken. Desperate for any job.
This fear is irrational. Firstly, worrying about whether you sent an email or not is counterproductive. There is nothing you can do about it, unless you open your laptop and check right then and there. This is not a good habit to get into. It breaks up your rest and will make you more stressed. If you have a good skill set and tried your best then there is nothing you can do to fix the situation. You are going to have to let it be and look at it again tomorrow.
What’s going to happen when I die?
We are all going to die and death is really scary. I often lie in bed and look out at the dark night sky twinkling with stars and imagine what eternity looks like. What and why are we here on this planet? What is the reason and will it make a difference if I died tomorrow?
Everyone feels anxious and afraid from time to time. Worry, sadly is a part of life but when we carry these cares on our own they can weigh us down and drag us into a cycle of fear and despair, because we were never meant to face these things on our own. The Bible tells that us that instead of worrying we should talk to God. He wants to restore our peace of mind and help us navigate the challenges we face, because He loves us. Regardless of whether you have faith in Him or not, try sharing your fears with God and invite Him to take His part in your worries. His ability to help you is greater than your fear or doubt and it may well be the best decision you’ve ever made.
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