For a long time, I thought my insecurity was a result of other people. I thought that it was something that came as a result of things that happened to me – or didn’t happen to me. At times I thought it was an affirmation problem. Other times, I thought it was the way people had shaped my thinking. But in the end, after all of the elements in my life changed – once I had awesome people around me, and I stopped reliving the past – I realised that who I thought I was hadn’t changed much…
So I came to the conclusion that my insecurity is something I need to take responsibility for. Now, believe me, there are a whole lot of factors in my life that I could use as an excuse. I was bullied in school. I had a very different upbringing to most, which meant people don’t always understand me. I have had to deal with abuse. I have faced some crippling financial challenges. Many think that I would be justified in allowing myself to be shy and self-deprecating. But I have learned that in the end, it is a vicious form of selfishness that actually threatens my well-being and my future.
The simple fact is, there needs to be a point of reckoning where you realise that, no matter what has happened to you, you are responsible for the way you are going to live. It takes a whole lot of bravery and tough determination to face yourself and be ruthless with how you think, but it is vital for moving on with your life and building personal credibility.
All of us have an unseen account of credit. It is where we invest into ourselves – whether it be in rest, knowledge, confidence, or a clear conscience. The currency of our thought stems from this account. When things aren’t going well with your personal “investments”, this account runs into the negative – resulting in aspects of insecurity, which are self-pity, isolation, offence, and bitterness, just to name a few.
Personal credibility is not fed by what we desire. It is fed by what we need to do for ourselves. A simple example can be found in the US Army’s Code of Conduct. I recently saw an interview with a decorated general from the US Army. When asked why they are so strict on neatness in their barracks, he responded with a profound statement. He said that before facing anything out on the training field or battlefront, each soldier had to make their own bed and clean their personal space so that they could approach their day with a sense of accomplishment. You see, treating yourself with dignity sets you up for victories elsewhere. It could be as simple as making your bed in the morning. It could be as complex as ending a relationship that has destroyed your confidence for years.
I have found there are a few detractors from your personal credibility. These things will bankrupt your soul and take you out before you even step onto the battlefield of your life:
1. Guilt. If you need to deal with behaviour that is resulting in guilt, then do whatever it takes! Speak to someone about it. Get a revelation of God’s grace. Change your surroundings. Be ruthless about weeding out any root of guilt in your life. Don’t allow condemnation to mull around in your thoughts. Even if what you have done has affected others significantly, all guilt will do is paralyse you and make you ineffective in redeeming the situation.
2. False humility. There is nothing worse than pretending to be something you are not. And as much as it may seem admirable to pretend to be “humble”, internally you lose all credibility for yourself. When your thoughts don’t line up with your words, how can you respect yourself? This may seem full-on, but hidden pride will be the death of your self-esteem. Rather be open about what you are proud about – you will discover that it actually is a cover-up for some of your deepest insecurities. In the audit of your soul, pride is the indicator of what you should red flag and deal with.
3. Hero worship. This may not be an obvious one, but for me it has been a big detractor. There are people around me who have been used to change my life. They are just ordinary people, with immense influence both publicly and privately. But putting anyone but God on a pedestal is like signing away your identity. Honouring others is vital. Serving others is definitely the best way to live your life. But abdicating who you are in the presence of people who you admire is dangerous. The best thing you can do for the people in your life that you respect is be yourself – I can guarantee that there are many people who “act” around them. Genuine respect for yourself will immediately set you apart in your own eyes, and in theirs.
You may have never thought about it like this, but your whole life stems from how you treat yourself. So I want to encourage you to get honest. How is your personal credibility? The only way I believe you can move from being “in the red” of your soul to thriving is with the help of a loving Father who sees all of your issues and knows how you can deal with them. Knowing about Him won’t help you, but being in conversation with Him daily will change you quicker than you would think!