Marriage is not the goal

A couple of weeks ago I turned 25…which, let me tell you, was filled with many sleepless nights, worrying about the future, about how old I’m getting and which retirement home I should put my name on the waiting list for.

In all seriousness though, these days birthdays feel like another reminder of all the things I should’ve accomplished by now, but haven’t. When I was in high school, I thought that by 25 I would have my dream job, be a millionaire, own my own home and be blissfully married.

As of 2019, I have one of those things. I’m blissfully married! I can say with confidence that it’s one of the things in my life that I am most sure of. When I think about it, I’m filled with peace. I know that God brought my husband and me together – in a way that I least expected.

However, these days, so many of us millennials see marriage as another box to tick off – the way that I did in high school. It was just another milestone to reach, like buying a house or acing a promotion; and the older we get, the less time it feels like we have.

So here are three ways to make sure that you’re approaching this topic in a healthy way!

  • You’re whole already

If you’re a single millennial woman (or man!) I can almost guarantee that you have a Pinterest board for your wedding one day. While that’s not a bad thing, it can create a sense of urgency around marriage. I remember looking at gorgeously crafted photos of wedding ceremonies and wondering if that would ever be me. The world tells us that without a partner, we’re not whole and that in order to be complete, we need to be with somebody else. Firstly, that puts a whole lot of unnecessary pressure on a future partner to fill/fix you and secondly, it’s simply not true. Our lives are complimented by marriage, but not completed by it. Use the time you have as a single person to work on YOU, because that time is valuable and once you’re married, there’s a lot less of it!

  • It’ll happen when it happens

I’ve seen people settle countless times for somebody who wasn’t meant for them because they wanted to get married quickly. This happens when the ideal of marriage matters more than the reality. Waiting is difficult, but it is worth it. When that person does walk into your life, it will most likely be when you’re not looking for it! It will also come along with a sense of deep peace, in a way that makes things less complicated and not more so. When we compare our journey to other peoples, we miss out on the beauty of our own. Don’t rush it! Your person is out there, and in the meantime; focus on being the best you that you can be!

  • You are not alone

When all of your friends have a significant other, and you’re left out, it’s easy to feel alone. Trust me, I know! I was single for a good few years without a HINT of romance before I met my husband. It can be isolating and lead to thoughts like “I’m going to be alone forever” or “is there something wrong with me?”.

In the moments I felt alone, I decided that I wasn’t going to give those feeling the time of day. I wasn’t going to settle, to swipe right on Tinder or lower my standards because of my emotions. What I decided to do instead was remember that with God, I am never truly alone.

James 4:8 says “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”

Our identity can never be found in another person because our identity is given to us by God and can only be found in Him. When you feel lonely, or lost, I encourage you to draw near to God. Talk to Him and tell Him how you are feeling…He loves you and understands what you’re going through more than you know. When Jesus was on earth, He experienced times of great loneliness but He found His peace and His purpose in God. We can do the same. If you haven’t found your peace yet or need someone to talk to about something you read in this post, connect with us using the button below.

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