I remember having a conversation with my mum where I was trying to get her to give me some good advice on whether it would be a good idea to date my best friend at the time. We’d been friends for four/five years and I literally couldn’t imagine that dating him, when he plucked up the courage to ask me, was a bad idea.
“No,” she said.
“You’re leaving this town soon. Don’t rush into anything. Wait a bit, and you’ll find yourself someone there.”
I didn’t date my best friend, because I followed my gut sense (and mother’s advice) that something small was wrong. Turns out it was. Good for me. Yay! But it’s two years later….
… And I haven’t found someone “here.”
I normally spend a lot of time praying about my new year and the amount of focus I’m supposed to have during the year for what I feel God has asked me to do.
At the beginning of last year, I realized that out of fear (because I had been hurt so much), I said to myself that God must have been saying that I’m supposed to be single for the year. I couldn’t foresee anything happening, and there were too many things that I needed to get done with as little distraction as possible.
I wasn’t wrong.
I really needed to be ‘focused like a locust,’ but I couldn’t help wondering if maybe my fear and strong-headed assumptions stopped me from receiving a gift from God that I might have received if I was otherwise ‘relaxed’ about the situation.
‘Relaxed’ as in not trying to suss out what God is doing in my life every minute of the day. As opposed to ‘relaxed’ as in I’m just gonna say yes to any and everybody for everything because I actually really want someone to complete me – WHOOHOO! No. Not that type of relaxed.
Here are some common sense points adapted from the article that Samantha Matt wrote for Huffington Post called 12 Things I Wish I Knew About Love And Dating In My Early 20s:
- You’re not ‘wasting your time’ if you don’t know whether or not you want to end up with the person you’re dating? If we’re too scared, and never try, we’ll never know. Even though some people tell us they knew from the first smell. Nice when it happens but each case is different.
- But, you might be ‘wasting your time’ if you know that the person has no intention of staying with you forever. It’s not your job to convince them.
- If you have a gut feeling that your significant other isn’t the one. Listen to it. And that is that.
- Don’t stay if all you do is fight. (This is before you’re married, okay)
- It’s not worth your tears.
- Date someone who is your friend, but don’t hook up with or date your friends. It’s nice if it goes well, but it sucks when there are a whole lot of mutual friends involved. Who do you rant to when it goes south (even though this is never our expectation)?
- Lay out your expectations at the beginning – be honest but be realistic. Tell them what you want in life, and ask them the same.
- If they want to be with you, they will be with you. Again, we are not on this earth to convince people to love us!
- Don’t compare your life, your journey in love or your story to anyone else’s. It’s not about whether ‘everyone is single,’ or ‘everyone is in a relationship.’ Walk your own path. Don’t rush. Life is different for everyone – go with the flow.
- Don’t base your journey in love on a timeline that you created years ago of the exact times when you wanted to be married and started having kids. Don’t do it. No. Stop. Things will happen when they happen. You learn from every decision.
Now, all you can do is leave the rest up to God. If dating or the lack thereof is a real worry for you why don’t you do as the bible says, and, “…let Him carry all your burdens and worries,” because he (that’s God) CARES for YOU!
If you find this hard to do, or seek to know more about how to do this, why don’t you click on the banner below?