Intimacy is our greatest desire and yet our greatest fear. Intimacy is at the heart of all healthy and fulfilling relationships; knowing that we are fully known, yet fully loved, but to experience it, we must open up our world and allow people to know us; to know our strengths, our weaknesses, our insecurities and our fears.

So despite this deep longing, we hide, because we are afraid. We are afraid that once people fully know us they will discover that maybe we are not as amazing as they think we are, not as courageous as we seem and that we too have fears and insecurities. We are afraid that people will define us by our weaknesses and that instead of covering and protecting us, they will use our fears against us. We are afraid that people’s perception of us will change and that they will withdraw their affection towards us. At the root of our fear is the possibility that we will be rejected and discover that maybe we are just not good enough for love.


So we strive to gain everyone’s respect and admiration but we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the freedom of unconditional acceptance.


We surround ourselves with people we call friends but we still feel alone, unloved and unwanted because people cannot fully love what they do not fully know.

We mask our fear by pretending that we are happier alone and pretending to be satisfied with shallow, detached relationships. We feel safe, but most importantly, we feel in control. No one can hurt or reject us or make us feel like we are not good enough. We convince ourselves that we are satisfied and that this life is enough for us, but denying our need does not quench our desire for true love and intimacy. We were all created with this longing that we cannot substitute with casual sex, substance abuse or binge eating.

To be fully known is at the heart of intimacy and to be fully known, we must overcome our fear of not being good enough. We discover that we do not need to be perfect in order to be loved. We discover something special – something that was reflected in God’s display of love – ‘that even while we were still sinners, he loved us so much that He sent his Son to die and reconcile us back to Him.’ This very love that he put on display is the love that he exemplified for us to imitate and express towards each other. It’s this love that we find at the heart of intimacy; to be fully known in our imperfections yet fully loved and finding wholeness in our embrace of that love. If you would like the opportunity to experience this kind of love, I encourage to you to click the pop-up banner or the one below, so we can help you do just that.


Author: Romayne Javanywe
Instagram: romaynejay

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