“But they seem to love each other a lot?”
“Nonsense! Show me a couple together more than 26 years or something and I’ll show you love,” said my mother in reply to me trying to justify the second marriage of someone we know.
Yes, life happens, things sometimes don’t work out, and for some people (in bad situations) the second time is a charm.
But, I’m not here to speak about divorce. I’m here to speak about marriage – as a single person – that’s never been in a serious relationship.
Yes, me. Why?
Well, firstly because I feel like I have something to say; and secondly, because I really needed to say that something. And no, you guessed wrong: I’m not going to start saying that nonsense about being married to Jesus (although, realistically, we are all a part of his Bride, and one needs Jesus to be their first love before anyone else). I’m coming from a different angle this time.
I can’t remember when it was, but it was a while ago when I was having a relationship talk with my father in the car and he said something to me that changed my life forever.
He said (and I’m generally paraphrasing here), “Live faithfully while you are single. Practice being faithful to your future partner in your thoughts and actions now and you will be able to stay faithful in your thoughts and actions when you are married!”
I have lived by those words all through my life as a teenager and now I am still living by them as a single young adult, and I fully believe that the habits that I have built for this half of my life will sustain me for the rest of my life.
Some people who don’t understand the biblical principle of sowing and reaping might say things like, “But that sounds like you’re chaining yourself to someone,” “It’s okay to test drive,” “I’m still young I need to have fun…” but the Bible (that’s not here to kill your fun might I add) talks a lot about getting back more than what you’ve given. In Hosea 8:7 it says, “They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind…”. It also talks about sowing wild oats when one is young and reaping a harvest of evil (eish! Not something I want for my life or for my future children).
- The more you practice it, the easier it gets I remember overhearing some girls speaking about me when I was still in high school: “Ah, but it’s easy for Eden, she’s so holy, she doesn’t even like boys.” URG! Truth in that statement, there is none (Yoda style, in true Star Wars fashion). First of all, liking boys doesn’t disqualify you as holy. God gave us attraction – we know this by now – but what we do with our feelings, thoughts etc. is the actual sin, or rather, downfall. Don’t lust after that married man, and you won’t be committing adultery in your mind. Easy peasy. Honestly, the more you practice not just going after every ‘good looking’ person, the easier it’ll get. You are not an animal. You are a human, made in God’s image. “So keep my charge never to practice any of these abominable customs that were practiced before you, and never to make yourselves unclean by them: I am the LORD your God.” Leviticus 18:30
- Watch what you feed yourself with Maybe you really want to please God, and because you love him, purity is always at the top of your mind; but you also love reading Mills & Boons and you feel okay to watch a whole lot of stuff that promotes things that are the opposite to what Jesus says is good – and then you sit there wondering why you’re always finding yourself jumping into relationships that we all know aren’t going to last a week… Your life is just an extension of what you’ve been feeding yourself with. Stop consuming that stuff! I made a decision when I was fifteen and the ultimate bookworm that I wasn’t going to read or watch stuff that went against God’s values. I may have made some mistakes – because it isn’t easy, but there is always hope for a second chance! Keep your mind clean and you won’t have to worry about your actions!
- Let God renew your mind Many of us know Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,” because we’ve heard it so many times before in church, in youth group, in Sunday school – but do we allow it to be a truth in our daily walks as Christ-followers/Jesus-lovers? I know how it goes. I know that we all start off so fired up and love Jesus with a passion. We also want to just tell everyone about him. Then, as we go on, we hear that we have to make the gospel slightly more ‘relevant’ for people on the street and we start relaxing our standards and ultimately some of our core values and beliefs. 1 Peter 2:11-12 says to “… keep away from worldly desires that wage war against y(our) very soul. Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbours. Then, even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honourable behaviour and they will give honour to God when he judges the world…”
The more time we spend with Jesus, the more we want what he wants. If you’re single in this period of your life, it’s probably because you have a whole lot of stuff that he wants you to take care of – and you can’t do that when you’re busy pining all day and all night, can you?
I find that even as a long-term lover of Jesus (especially as a long term lover of Jesus), I have to keep on asking him to renew my mind, by spending time in HIS WORD and listening to stuff that ignites and feeds a hunger for him so that my life continues to be a testimony to the people around me.
“So think clearly and exercise self-control… so you must live as God’s obedient children…”
My mother always uses the best illustration when she goes to schools to talk to children about living and walking out purity. She brings out a funnel.
Basically, the funnel has two sides to it: a small side and a huge side. A lot of us want to live through the big side very early on in our lives and so we sow a ton of wild oats, making the mistakes that we didn’t have to make because we wanted to experience it all for ourselves instead of just listening. Because of this we end up living the rest of our lives restricted by the bad choices that we made – or rather, because of our rebellion. However, if we choose to live life through the small side of the funnel, and choose to listen, not date person after person, not over-invest, always seek counsel, not feed ourselves with stuff that makes us lust and pine over something that isn’t ours to have, we are setting ourselves up for increase later on.
I have already seen the benefit of making GODLY decisions or rather, decisions that are based upon his word. No jokes!
If you want that kind of freedom in your life, and would like to know more about how to obtain it, why don’t you click on the banner below?