Most children find moving schools hugely traumatic, but I thrived when we moved from one side of town to the other and had to change schools in year 10. It probably had something to do with Liesl. She instantly made me feel welcome. She was hugely popular and introduced me to all her friends, including the hottest boy in the school. To be honest, he’s probably the real reason I loved my new school so much. The tall, dark-haired Greek was not only gorgeous to look at, he was also funny, could play the guitar, had an amazing voice and – he was a Christian.
I’d recently recommitted my life to Christ and could not get over how such a cool guy could also be a Christian. I was convinced we were destined for each other. How could we not be?! We had a few classes together and quickly became good friends and although I wanted more, I was way too shy admit how I felt. I would regularly chat to God about him and was sure He told me that we would one day marry, have a whole brood of beautiful children and serve as missionaries in some far-flung place.
The two of us led the Students Christian Association at school and were leaders in the church youth group. We were like brother and sister. Those around us always wondered when we were going to start dating, but we never did. He never asked me out and I never had the courage to tell him how I felt. I always wondered. And waited.
Although I had some wonderful guy friends and went on dates with a few, I never saw any of them as anything other than friends because my heart was set on one day marrying my Greek friend.
And then, he went to London. So, I went to London. It was here in this far-flung vibrant city that we finally did have that very long overdue talk. I admitted that I had always loved him and he? Well, not long after that chat, he met the girl who’s now his wife and they live in some far-flung place with their whole brood of gorgeous children. And me? Well, I moved north of London to Birmingham and met the man I’m now married to and we have two gorgeous children.
The moral of the story?
- Don’t wait for God to tell you who you’re going to marry
- If you like being with someone, ask God to give you the courage to tell them how you feel
- If they don’t feel the same way, it’s time for you to move on. Focus on who you are and on what you love doing. Before long you will meet someone who enjoys being with you as much as you love being with them
- Ask God to change how you feel if he/she is not the right person for you
- Do a bit of soul-searching. Write down all the reasons you like that guy/girl – be honest and just let it flow
- Write down all the things you don’t like about them and the things that make you feel uncomfortable, unsettled or unsure – also, be honest here… no holding back
- Now, write down the five things you believe are most important in your future spouse
- Go over the things you don’t like again. If you think they may become an issue later on in a marriage relationship, now’s a good time to create some distance between you and that person
- Otherwise, enjoy getting to know each other. Don’t rush, take the time to talk and listen. Watch them in different circumstances and with different people and have fun doing the things you both enjoy
- Does he/she bring out the best in you? If not, don’t bother – you’re worth more than that