As a recovered pornography addict and someone who has experienced enough suffering to justify dysfunction, I have recently been reminded how important it is to face your struggles head-on. I know that there are many different complex reasons why humans reach for many substances and pleasures to try to fix our problems. I also know that being dependent on anything outside of yourself is one of the darkest places you can ever find yourself.

Recently a close friend shared their struggle with addiction and self-medication and I felt compelled to write about this topic ever since. So whether you are considering doing something you wouldn’t be proud of, or if you find yourself stuck in the suffocating cycle of addiction – I want to write to you about some truths that have helped me overcome my own struggle.

  1. It’s not a surface level problem

If you are acting out in any way – whether it be through food, legal or illegal substances, alcohol, pornography, masturbation, emotional manipulation, over exercising or even social media – the actual action is only a final outcome. Beneath it lies a soul that is in need of attention. And if you ignore it long enough, you will find yourself tangled in an emotional web that is very hard to shake off.

For me, my issues stemmed from being molested. But there were also problems from being excluded and ridiculed as a child. Certain relationships stole rather than gave validation to me, so I began to live splintered – living externally to please and impress people, while inside I was completely helpless in anger and pain – turning to addiction to try to numb it all instead of facing it.

It takes guts – but if you want to truly get past the external problems, you are going to have to face yourself and what’s really going on. I went to (and still go to) a psychologist to help me deal with things in my past. I also found some great friends who believed in me and loved me – and I was honest with my leaders in church. Hard conversations – but I’m a stronger, better person because of it.

  1. Shame is not a constructive punishment

God does not endorse shame. Yes, I was found guilty of terrible things. But shame never helped me overcome my addiction and pain. Shame is actually an element of the addiction cycle – it is what drives the person to repeat the process.

Jesus is the crucial key to breaking the addictive cycle – and it starts with taking power away from shame.

Many people think that simply telling people ‘don’t do it’ is going to make everything better. Every person stuck in the cycle knows that what they are doing is not healthy, let alone morally or ethically right. But the moment I understood that Jesus’ mandate in dying was to take away the sting of death – that agonizing dread of sin – I found I was able to begin climbing out of the deep pit I had dug for myself.

No matter how you feel – torturing and punishing yourself for what you have done will only make you turn back to it. The power of Jesus is the only reliable key I have found (and believe me, I tried everything) to breaking the cycle of addiction.

So when shame started descending on me after I had slipped up, I could stare it down and under the authority of Jesus refuse to allow it to take hold of me. It took a lot of practice, but in the end I believe it is what saved me from ruin. He’s freely accessible.

The tragedy of this world is thinking that Jesus hates you and therefore loves the suffering that your sin has caused. When in fact, it is the absolute opposite.

JESUS LOVES YOU AND HATES WHAT SIN IS DOING TO YOU.

His war is not against you – it’s against sin. He hates sin because of what it is doing to your soul.

  1. You have to give yourself the best possible chance

No one on earth is as interested or capable to help you as much as you are. It doesn’t matter how many people love you. No matter how much you are desperate for someone to recognize your struggles and help. You need to actually commit to starting the process yourself. Because in the dark, on your own – you are the only person who will determine what happens.

That is why you need to be unapologetic about coming clean. God believes in you. But you need to get to a point where you believe in yourself enough to make the hard decisions to change.

So how do you come clean? How do you start the process of transforming your life?

Get Jesus in your life. Without His hope and healing, it will be very hard to change at all.

  1. Get ruthless. Don’t allow shame to hold you back. Don’t allow your pride to imprison you in silent suffering. Talk about it – get help! Be honest. It might have horrible implications in the moment or for a season. But rather deal with everything at once than slip back and forth in truth and deception.
  2. Stay committed to yourself. You have to keep showing up to the table – don’t allow yourself to pretend everything is fine. It’s a lifelong journey of becoming whole. But every day is one day further away from who you used to be. Keep going – victory isn’t a moment, it’s a lifestyle. And you can live it!

If you want any assistance or prayer, please feel free to leave a comment below. The best is yet to come for you and for me! Pray that you’re encouraged.