Dear Single Guy,
Just so you know, I am writing as if I could go back in time and tell myself what I have learnt now. I know that your life looks very different to mine. I know that the relationship your father had with your mother, the role that men have played in your life and the way you have interacted with friends, is probably different to me. As long as you are aware that the way you have experienced life has shaped your view on what your relationship will be one day with your “chosen one”.
There are a few things I would like to tell you. A few things that I think are key to living well as a single guy. I hope you are honest enough to take it on board and to think a little deeper than the superficial opinions of society.
Firstly, you are enough by yourself. It may seem like something a girl would need to hear, but I know that you can sometimes feel like you need to prove something. A girl can make you feel validated. Her beauty may in some way make you feel better about your own insecurities. Your friends may respect you a bit more for having “game”, but if you want something that lasts, you need to work on who you are without another person in your life that you have to care for.
Deal with your issues now. You will never have as much free time or resource to spend solely on yourself as you do while you are single. If you truly value yourself, you will probably envision having a partner in life that is going to challenge and grow you. She may be miles ahead in her faith, maturity and generosity. Build towards the awesome partner you are going to have one day. Don’t settle for anything less than scary when it comes to the woman you want to do life with. A true partner for life will be someone who pushes you further and makes you stronger. And they can do all that even before you have met them! The world needs strong men, so that the world can have strong couples who raise strong families to build a strong future. But it all lies in how you do life now. So invest in yourself. Buy yourself books and go on courses (it will help you budget for that wonderful woman one day). Take time out to learn more about God and yourself. Face your issues head on and get around guys who can give you wisdom.
You may not feel like it, but you are in control of your relationship status. The first opportunity for a relationship is not the only one you will get. You are allowed to like girls, but friends, even try out a few one-on-one coffees without having to make a decision. Don’t let a girl dictate a relationship with you just because you are intimidated by her awesomeness. Make sure you know what you want and stay focused. You need to lead the relationship, so starting it off on the back foot won’t help.
Guard your heart. I know what it’s like to see a life with someone before you’re even on their radar. Dating doesn’t mean you are bound together for life. Getting physical too soon, thinking about marriage within the first stages of getting to know each other and all that goes with it is dangerous when it comes to your soul. If a relationship doesn’t work out, I believe you can leave wiser and still strong – despite some initial disappointment. The further you go in your mind, the harder it will be to keep the pressure off when it comes to who you will date.
Get around men that you admire and ask them how they are doing life. The more wisdom you can get now, the better it will be for you and your lady for the future. Open your life up and let people you respect challenge you in all areas. It may be cleanliness. It may be a pornography addiction. In that safe environment, everything is fair game. If you are willing to listen, and to be encouraged and challenged while you are single, you will be a much better partner to live with and grow with when you have that special someone.
It takes balls to do single life well. Be brave enough to live the best life you can on all fronts. Believe me – girls will find emotional security and responsible living way more attractive than abs and an epic car (though let’s be honest, it would be awesome to have those as well!).
Get your life right now and your relationship will be blessed. If you don’t know where to start, I can tell you that getting right with God and getting involved in a local church – where you will find wisdom – is a really great start. If you are brave enough to take this first step, click on the link below.