Conditional and unconditional love

So often when couples are fighting, one of the two has the sense that they are working harder and the other is slacking off.

“I do the dishes!”

“Well, I clean the car!”

“That only needs to be done once a week!”

The arguments are usually petty and don’t get anyone anywhere.

Arguments like these, which escalate and cause break ups, are usually the product of a conditional love mindset. It’s a mindset which says, ‘I’ve given x amount and so you must give x amount, or else…’

Relationships don’t work well on this theory

The thing about relationships is that although both parties usually give the equal amounts it may happen at different times. Also, every time you give in a relationship and then remind the person on the other side about it, it contributes to a sense of mistrust. If, in a relationship, one party is clearly giving more than the other, then it is time for an open and honest conversation.

An open conversation is always better than trying to manipulate someone into caring for you.

Many times in relationships when things don’t go our way and there is a sense of inequality we end up trying to argue or trick the other person into doing what we want. This isn’t effective and more often than not, it ends up destroying the relationship instead of creating a challenge for the two people involved to work through. Every time you work through an issue together you can learn and grow closer.

Our picture of unconditional love is incorrect

Many times we think of unconditional love as caring for someone regardless of how they treat you. This isn’t unconditional love. Unconditional love is caring for someone regardless of what obstacles in life you come up against. Caring for someone through the stressful seasons of low finances and children who hate school. Caring for someone through the family cancer and having to sell the house.

Unconditional love comes from self-acceptance

It is very difficult to be secure in a relationship when you aren’t secure in who you are and what you bring to the table. Couples often take out their insecurities on each other instead of working through these. When you know you, and are confident is who God made you to be, then you don’t need to put lots of pressure on the other person in your relationship to fill that gap.

God loves you unconditionally

The best example of unconditional love is God. You can do anything, go through anything and say anything and God will still love you. God promises to love you at your worst and love you at your best. If you haven’t experienced His love, all you need to do is ask Him into your heart. Ask Him to show you His unconditional love.

Once you have experienced this love then you will be able to do life from a greater place of security and strength.

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