Conflict is part of life, and if it’s not something you encounter at least a few times during your stay here on earth, you’re maybe doing something wrong. Disagreements happen. It’s normal. We don’t always agree with everyone. There will be differences of opinions, various perspectives and possibly the odd full-blown argument, depending on how you choose to engage with others. There are occasions when it’s necessary to take a stand and not only state your case but push for a win. On the other hand, there are also moments when instead of going on the attack it’s wiser to turn and walk away. Knowing which to do, however, isn’t always easy, especially when things get heated.
Generally my children get along. It’s not all sunshine and daisies but on a day-to-day basis they tend to like each other. However, there are days when conflict boils over and happy harmony is replaced by world war 3. Every parent wants their child to be able to stand up for themselves, but there comes a point when a child needs to learn that they can’t lose their composure every time someone does something they don’t appreciate, says something they don’t like or (heaven forbid) looks at them. We all need to learn that sometimes you have to let things go because otherwise you’ll live in a constant state of battle.
“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.” – C. Joy Bell C. (author)
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should
Being able to discern when to fight and when to walk away is a sign of maturity. Wading knee-deep into every argument that presents itself doesn’t take much wisdom but being choosing your battles and let others go takes a bit more thought and consideration. Here are a few things to bear in mind when picking your battles.
Is it important?
Not every issue that arises is life and death, but some topics are more important and carry more weight than others. Don’t fight a battle over something that you won’t be concerned about in a week, a month or a years time. If the outcome won’t have any major repercussions beyond making you feel better if you win, it’s not worth the effort, time or fall out to wage that war.
Have you considered the options?
Sometimes we choose to fight over issues that haven’t been fully considered. Going to war can occasionally be avoided if you take the time to consider the options and look to find a solution that suits everyone. Just because on the surface it looks like you need to stand your ground to get the outcome you want doesn’t mean that there isn’t an alternative remedy that will avoid a battle and still being about the desired conclusion.
What will it cost?
When deciding whether to turn and walk away or to stand and fight, it’s important to consider what’s at stake. Is what you stand to gain worth the risking what you may potentially lose in the process? Don’t be fooled, conflicts often involve some kind of cost, whether relational or otherwise. Are you willing to lose something for the sake of your win?
There are times in life when choosing not to fight isn’t an option. Standing for what is important and what you believe in is sometimes the only course of action.
The Bible encourages us that there are times when we must ‘Fight the good fight’. Over time we’ve come to believe that this means to dig in, hold firm and persevere in our cause. While this is true in part, the ‘good’ fight it speaks about is all to do with our faith in God. Things that are worth having are always worth fighting for but these are also the things that tend to come under attack because of their value. Having a faith in God doesn’t mean that your faith won’t at times be tested. If anything the value of your faith makes it a target, which is why you need to hold tight and fight to keep it strong.